Today, A Very Personal Note

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Eric went into the hospital this past week, and as of this writing is still there. He has some pretty big challenges ahead of him, physically speaking.

This has been a time for me to practice being steady. A time for me to know and feel my true north. A time for me to be still inside despite reasons to be otherwise.

It has been clear to me for many years that how I feel is important, and that how I feel is up to me. This is not so difficult in areas of my life that are fairly easy going. Day to day activities, for instance, or conversations with others.

The idea of being in charge of how I feel is more challenging regarding Eric and his future.

I think it would be wonderful to never be in fear about anything, ever – to know that everything is what it is, and there’s no need to fret about anything for any reason. That every life, every event, every moment is unfolding as it should. It would be wonderful to know, regarding Eric and his health situation, that everything is truly OK. It’s his life and he knows what he’s doing. All there is to do is honor who he is and his choices.

Sometimes I’m there and I know this in my bones, sometimes I’m not. I like when I am there.

I notice I believe death is OK if the person has lived a good, long life, but something’s wrong with dying “too soon.” I’ve had some practice around the subject lately, when my youngest brother died a few years ago at age 50 and this past summer, my older brother died at age 65. Most of me, frankly, still says, “What’s up with that? Why did you leave so soon?”

It’s OK with me that my father died. He lived a good, long life. And it’s joyous to me that my 90-year-old mother is alive and well. I think it’s outstanding that she gardens and takes daily walks. She welcomes each new grandchild with a quilt hand made by her. She travels easily, loves people and has a whole lot of fun.

But alas, I seem to have rules about death.

Regarding my dear Eric, while I understand that life is eternal, I’m so fond of the flesh and bones version of him.   

Apparently, “what’s up with that” is that I’ve come a long way, baby, and still I have miles to go. Much to learn. Much to understand.

 

 

 

 

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Terri Crosby

Helping you create life-affirming, ever-evolving, happier relationships with those you love. Follow me on twitter at@TerriCrosby or read myblog.

Comments (38)

  • Avatar

    Jim Reed

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    Gorgeous, authentic, Light-filled words and observations, Terri.

    Thank you for sharing.

    Reply

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      Keldwyn

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      You are a courageous kind loving soul. Eric is blessed by your presence, as are you with his. Holding him in the Light of compassion and Love
      With Care
      Let me know if there is anything I can do for either one of you

      Reply

  • Avatar

    Gary

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    Beautiful. A wonderful truth about a challenging situation.

    Reply

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    Althea Gonzalez

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    True that, my friend. Sending love!

    Reply

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    Susan Hale

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    Dear Terri,
    No words, just a sound: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh
    Sending Love to you both,
    Susan

    Reply

    • Avatar

      Terri Crosby

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      Thank you Susan. You are the sweetest…
      Terri

      Reply

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    Elle

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    Holding you in Love. Company someday?

    Reply

    • Avatar

      Terri Crosby

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      Oh, Elle! It must be time for tea for the two of us, yes I think so.
      love,
      Terri

      Reply

  • Avatar

    Chris

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    Truly a statement of faith. Holding you close in my heart, Terri.

    Reply

    • Avatar

      Terri Crosby

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      Thank you for being a long, long time friend. Love you.
      Terri

      Reply

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    Barrie Barton

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    Breathing deeply with you. Holding you and all with faith in all this mystery.

    Reply

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      Terri Crosby

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      Thank you, Barrie, and sometimes I think it’s a little too mysterious! You know what I mean…
      love,
      Terri

      Reply

  • Avatar

    Jeanne Myers

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    The process of seeing and being with a loved one as they work through the process of death is full of love for the moment, fear for your life and his and most of all a very enlightening experience.

    Reply

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      Terri Crosby

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      Thank you Jeannie. This is most certainly an ongoing process, and one I never expected. Love to you.
      Terri

      Reply

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    Shiner

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    It might be time for the elf costume soon:)
    Yes the “flesh and bone” of a loved one is something we treasure .
    And I treasure you and what you bring both in the “flesh and bone” as well as “Sometimes I’m there and I know this in my bones”

    Reply

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      Terri Crosby

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      Dear elf Shiner,
      Oh, gosh, the elf costume! You dancing around in the corridors of Pardee Hospital was a sight to behold. Yep, it may very well be time for The Elf!!! Love, Terri

      Reply

    • Avatar

      Terri Crosby

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      Thank you, Emily! Open arms, letting it in. love, Terri

      Reply

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    Dana

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    Sweet one,
    Thank you for this inspiring reminder that life is what it is. And it’s sometimes hard to let it be. Holding you and Eric in healing light. Love, Dana

    Reply

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      Terri Crosby

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      Thank you, Dana! Let it be, let it be let it be. That’s the lesson for sure. Love, Terri

      Reply

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    Pam

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    I wish I had read this before I saw you this morning! Bob and I are holding you and Eric in our hearts!
    Thank you for being you!

    Reply

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      Terri Crosby

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      Pam, thank you for your hug a week later at yoga class. It was just as wonderful as “day of.” Thank you for your steady light. I love that about you. Love, Terri

      Reply

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    Angel

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    Peace be with your flesh and bones. 💖👣

    Reply

    • Avatar

      Terri Crosby

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      Thank you, Angel. I am finding more peace in my flesh and bones. Thank you and much love back to you and yours. Love, Terri

      Reply

  • Avatar

    Jacky

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    Thinking of you both…
    Thank you for sharing…
    For your gentle heart….

    Reply

    • Avatar

      Terri Crosby

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      Thank you, Jacky. Thank you for taking a moment to comment. It helps me know how much love and support is out there. Love, Terri

      Reply

  • Avatar

    Diane

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    Terri, my dear friend!
    My heart goes out to you and to Eric.
    And I agree with Shiner, it might be time for the elf costume… or a whole host of elves or angels or choirs, or all of the above, wrapped up in a blanket of love. Let me know how I can corral, conjour or wrap.
    Thank you for the gift of YOU!
    <3 <3 <3

    Reply

    • Avatar

      Terri Crosby

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      Thank you, Diane! Thinking of you in the elf costume is entertainment enough. because I have a vivid imagination! Thank you, it’s as if you are here in full costume. Thank you for dressing up! I feel your big blanket of love. Love, Terri

      Reply

  • Avatar

    Lew

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    Terri, This has been a long journey for you and your Eric; and I on the sidelines have seen you beaming and heard your voices blending into beautiful and peaceful or joyous songs. You both have been in my thoughts many times. Know that I truly care and am feeling comfort knowing that you both are surrounded by many angels, many in the ” flesh and bone” version for.

    Reply

    • Avatar

      Terri Crosby

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      Lew, such sweet words from you. I’m taking them into my heart. Thank you. Love, Terri

      Reply

  • Avatar

    Loraine Tuenge

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    When you are unable to breathe, remember that there are others around you who will breathe for you.

    Reply

    • Avatar

      Terri Crosby

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      Thank you, Loraine! Here’s how I’m thinking of this breathing thing. I breathe better when all of Womansong is breathing with me. And I know they are! Thank you for your beautiful words. Love, Terri

      Reply

  • Avatar

    Alice Carey

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    Thank you for creating community with your sharing. I’ve been reading Byron Cady’s “A Thousand Names for Joy.” In her book “cancer” would be one of those names, “death” another. I get her drift–saying yes to what is–but when it comes to embodying it, that’s another story. Which might read something like this: Alice is trying to find the balance between acceptance and creating a new future, between a Byron Cady and a Joe Dispenza, say. Love and blessings to you both.

    Reply

    • Avatar

      Terri Crosby

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      Oh, gosh what a great combination, Byron Katie and Joe Dispenza! I’m on it. I love the title of her book. I’ll check it out. Love, Terri

      Reply

  • Avatar

    Cosette

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    You are so open and honest, Terri. I so admire your strength, courage and most of all your faith.

    Reply

  • Avatar

    Jerry

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    No words, just feelings of eternal, everlasting love….

    Reply

  • Avatar

    Kelly Thornton

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    Sending Love, Light, and Prayers for you both.

    Reply

  • Avatar

    Martha Dalton

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    Thinking of you both. Holding you in my heart of hearts.

    Reply

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