Thistles in the Corn — Safety In Relationships

Growing up in Iowa where the tall corn grows surely gives rise to the occasional farm reference sooner or later.  The crops, the animals, the Iowa landscape, the sky, the people. Today, we’ll go with crops… “Thistles in the corn” comes from remembering my younger days of walking through soft rows of corn just for the fun of it, before it gets too tall,  the long leaves brushing my body, feeling stroked by the soft green of Mother Nature, all smiling and happy.  My face is toward the sun, my arms are everywhere, I’ve got nothin’ but joy, and then… …somewhere around my ankles, I’ve run into a nasty thistle.   I look down and I’m bleeding. Well, shoot. I know thistles can grow in corn fields, yes I know that, but I just didn’t see it coming.  I was not paying attention, not looking down.  I was looking up, being with the sun, having a good time in the waves of green. Next time I’ll dress for it.  I like roving through the corn, so next time I’ll wear something tougher, something more protective.  In fact, thistles can grow tall, even up around your waist and neck for that matter.  I’d better cover up more. Maybe this is all too much trouble.  Come to think of it, maybe I should just quit exploring corn fields altogether.  That would solve the thistle problem.  That sounds easier. Can you see where this is going? Ouch. Here’s the question of the day. How safe do you feel in your relationship with your partner? Are you caught off guard by the occasional “thistle-y” moments in your relationship?  Do you protect yourself from thistles by donning a daily suit of armor?  Nothin’ gets to you. Heck, maybe you even planted the darn thistle and it’s been growing ever since in your relationship cornfield.  You planted it and thought the corn would grow fast and tall, shading out the thistle.  No worries.  It would never grow. But it did. And now there’s a thistle there, no matter who put it there.  It’s growing.  It’s climbing for the sun.  It’s vigorous. So what constitutes a “thistle” in a relationship?  Anything that makes you not talk to your partner (maybe other people, but not your partner).  Anything you feel critical of your partner about, but nothing really changes, so grudges grow, and cause sarcastic remarks or that thing women do with our rolling our eyes. Thistles make you not express, not risk, not reach out, not ask for, not DO, not SAY, not evolve.  That sort of thing.  Where a thistle is growing, you avoid THAT place in your relationship. Let’s work at it another way — backwards.  If you have no thistles, you’re fully expressive even when your mate is around.  You can say anything that’s important to you, request what you need, and live outloud.  You can DO anything that is really you without worrying about consequences or payback or losing ground with your partner.  You support each other.  You do not complain about each other in your head or outloud on the phone with a friend.  Or while having a beer with the guys, or out with the girls.  Your partner brings out the best in you.  You count on each other for that. I’ve talked to couples about this question, and both men and women have the “safety” issue. What’s yours?  You can write to me privately at songwave at earthlink dot net and ask a question.  I’d be happy to address it in future posts. Thank you!

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Terri Crosby

Helping you create life-affirming, ever-evolving, happier relationships with those you love. Follow me on twitter at@TerriCrosby or read myblog.

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Intimacy Is Everywhere

Hello Everyone,

Today, intimacy.

Love to you all,

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Friday Love: Bam! Gate Breaking, Anyone?

Good Friday, Everyone!

Today, I’m sharing a story about how I accidentally accomplished something on my bucket list. I ran through an exit gate while looking the other way. The hood of my car is scratched up, and one windshield wiper is a mess, but let’s have a good laugh about how we never expect what “getting what we want” includes!

Let me know if you relate…

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Enough with the Name-Calling

It seems to be a growing fad these days to call someone a narcissist, or declare they are toxic.
 
Political name-calling is similar—we assign politicians and voters to categories, and brush them off as if they are unintelligent, inferior, or even worthless.
 
By labeling others, we miss their humanity. We gloss over their struggle, their best effort at dealing with life. We dismiss them.
 
We do to them what we believe they are doing to others.
 
Look past a label, and in the soft light of day, there stands a person like you or like me, coping as best they can. At the end of the day, no friend, parent, or lover making conscious choices intends to be mean, or to ignore, or to embellish. There is always more to the story.
 
If we label others, then for sure we label ourselves. We trap ourselves into believing we are less than. Or not enough. Or we don’t give ourselves the time and forgiveness to work through our “stuff.” Maybe, if we stopped accusing others of narcissism, we could forgive ourselves for those moments when we were narrow-minded, inconsiderate, or afraid.
 
When it comes to labels, nobody wins.
 
So, my dear people, I suggest we peer a little deeper into ourselves to investigate a need to separate ourselves from others by tacking them with a label filled with disdain or scorn.
 
It is my wish that you view this video and take it to heart.
 
Much love,
Terri
 
 

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