If I treat myself well, treating others with love comes naturally. If I spend time doing what keeps me inspired and happy, it’s easier to support others in doing the same. It’s natural.
Why? Because radiating kindness inspires anyone who comes near.When others walk into your loving sphere of influence, they feel your emotional sunshine!
We’ve all had the experience of being with someone who speaks or sings with such kindness that we feel it immediately. Their words create a wave of love, which washed over us and through us, scooping up any tension and sending it right out of us as the wave passes through. If we were upset as we walked in, the wave generated by the other person softens us and bathes our cells in happy soup. Their wave says, “Come on in, the water’s fine.”
This happy cleansing also means that you, too, can do this anytime, anywhere. No special equipment required.
How do I criticize less and become more able to inspire others? If I do feel critical, how do I get over it and learn to do something else? What steps can I practice?
Give authentic positive feedback before asking someone for a different result than they are now producing. People are willing to risk changing themselves in an environment of approval, and they learn more quickly. The easy way to remember this idea is to say “Yes, and…” Approve first (say yes), then add (and here’s what I’m asking for).
Make a feedback sandwich for others (and remember to make one for yourself, too, whenyou need it.) The bread on either side of the filling is what’s going well (the good stuff), and the filling is what needs a tweak. The sandwich is 1) say good stuff. 2) Say what would work better. Make a request 3) Say more good stuff — why you have faith in them, what you love or appreciate about them. The sandwich idea can work with spouses, employees, children, and yourself.
Be the change you seek. If you have a generously positive attitude about yourself, it often makes people laugh. It leaves them in wonder, “that’s outrageous, how does she do that?!?” People are both amazed and encouraged if you make a giant goof and you don’t take it seriously. It means they don’t need to feel bad, either, which is a relief.
Or let’s say something you designed went belly up and you shake it off and start again while telling a joke. Any of your “take it in stride” actions inspires them to let go of criticism of themselves. Most of us are looking for reasons to be nicer to ourselves, and we don’t really know how or even think we should! Being an example helps others remember.
Today, I’m sharing a story about how I accidentally accomplished something on my bucket list. I ran through an exit gate while looking the other way. The hood of my car is scratched up, and one windshield wiper is a mess, but let’s have a good laugh about how we never expect what “getting what we want” includes!
It seems to be a growing fad these days to call someone a narcissist, or declare they are toxic.
Political name-calling is similar—we assign politicians and voters to categories, and brush them off as if they are unintelligent, inferior, or even worthless.
By labeling others, we miss their humanity. We gloss over their struggle, their best effort at dealing with life. We dismiss them.
We do to them what we believe they are doing to others.
Look past a label, and in the soft light of day, there stands a person like you or like me, coping as best they can. At the end of the day, no friend, parent, or lover making conscious choices intends to be mean, or to ignore, or to embellish. There is always more to the story.
If we label others, then for sure we label ourselves. We trap ourselves into believing we are less than. Or not enough. Or we don’t give ourselves the time and forgiveness to work through our “stuff.” Maybe, if we stopped accusing others of narcissism, we could forgive ourselves for those moments when we were narrow-minded, inconsiderate, or afraid.
When it comes to labels, nobody wins.
So, my dear people, I suggest we peer a little deeper into ourselves to investigate a need to separate ourselves from others by tacking them with a label filled with disdain or scorn.
It is my wish that you view this video and take it to heart.