My 26 yr. old daughter MacKenzie called me this morning on her way to work and opened the conversation with one of her happy bombs.
She didn’t say hello or good morning.
She said, “Isn’t it great that I’m the kind of daughter who calls her mother?”
We laughed so hard!
It’s so like her to blurt self-congratulations to get us going!
She continued (her smile visible through the phone), “You know, not every daughter calls her mother… I have 15 minutes on the way to work, and I’m spending it with you. Aren’t you grateful and in awe that I’m such a great daughter?”
…which made me so happy. I adore her sense of humor (always a blast of fresh air) and her knock ’em sock ’em approach to — well, anything.
I said, “Well, I have a secret. I think if I don’t say anything at all and pretend that you calling me voluntarily and happily is no big deal, then hopefully you’ll continue calling!”
She thought that was hilariously silly and that bringing these deep, dark secrets between us out in the open was her mission in life. I told her that letting the cat out of the bag was not a good idea at all (I was sure of it) ’cause then she could hold me hostage with her love — she could withhold calling for any reason and then where would I be?
Three generations: Terri, Mildred, MacKenzie.
THE IMPORTANCE OF KEEPING SECRETS
We went on and on about the importance of secrets and denial and pretending. And what would I do if she didn’t call me? (I’d call her.) And how life is about the small moments and conversations can be short and sweet.
And how sometimes we don’t call someone because it will take too long, but really we just need to say “Hi, just thinking about you, I love you and bye-bye for now.”
I love that Mackenzie and I can say pretty much anything and everything to each other. I love that she calls me from her car with a love hammer. Or a question. Or “I don’t have any big reason for calling, I’m just calling…”
I also love how she won’t tell me certain things on the phone.
One day, she and her husband John came over to tell me some news in person. They stood together, eyes shining and announced that they’ve had enough of “tiny little ho-hum no diversity not enough opportunity” Asheville for a while and they’re running off to the big city. They’ve decided to move to northern California (probably this summer) and she wanted me to know. There are job opportunities for John in this far off land and they want to take advantage of that.
Which made me cry. Of course. Because I’m the person I am and I love having her near. Not because I don’t think they should go find work elsewhere or have an adventure.
They should GO. They should DO EVERYTHING. That’s what being footloose and fancy free is all about. They should live someplace I’d love to visit!
MacKenzie ends every conversation with “Love you.” I have to say, that’s not something I did before she started doing it. She taught me.
How is your relationship with your daughter? Or your mother? Are you talking? Are you close? What’s the best thing about talking with her?
“The great good news is that love is free and it has not gone anywhere. In all of these aeons that you have been hiding from love, love is still here, it is still open, it is still waiting for your commitment, still waiting for you to say, ‘Yes, I give my life to the truth of love. I vow to let love live this life as it will, for better or worse, for richer or poorer.’
The love that you search for everywhere is already present within you.
It may be evoked by any number of people or events. A mountain can evoke this love. A sunset can evoke this love.
But finally, you must realize you are this love. The source of all love is within you.
My teacher told me to stop where you are, just stop. That is really, basically what I offer you. I guarantee that if you are willing to investigate for yourself, you’ll find, in the heart of the matter, peace.
There may be pain right before the moment of investigation, and there may be disbelief or denial of what’s found. But if there’s a willingness to stop following any thought, you will find even deeper peace and fulfillment.
Finally, you will recognize you are discovering the truth of who you are. You are not really finding peace and fulfillment, those are just the byproducts. You are finding yourself.
What is always here is here now. What is always here is the only thing that is permanent. If you want anything else, you want something that will disappear someday.
So it is very wise to want what is always here. Then you want yourself.”
This week, whatever our personal journey, may our hearts be open, or may they crack open. May our eyes hear and our ears see. May we have a greater sense of what is true and everlasting. May we know love.
Today, I’m sharing a story about how I accidentally accomplished something on my bucket list. I ran through an exit gate while looking the other way. The hood of my car is scratched up, and one windshield wiper is a mess, but let’s have a good laugh about how we never expect what “getting what we want” includes!
It seems to be a growing fad these days to call someone a narcissist, or declare they are toxic.
Political name-calling is similar—we assign politicians and voters to categories, and brush them off as if they are unintelligent, inferior, or even worthless.
By labeling others, we miss their humanity. We gloss over their struggle, their best effort at dealing with life. We dismiss them.
We do to them what we believe they are doing to others.
Look past a label, and in the soft light of day, there stands a person like you or like me, coping as best they can. At the end of the day, no friend, parent, or lover making conscious choices intends to be mean, or to ignore, or to embellish. There is always more to the story.
If we label others, then for sure we label ourselves. We trap ourselves into believing we are less than. Or not enough. Or we don’t give ourselves the time and forgiveness to work through our “stuff.” Maybe, if we stopped accusing others of narcissism, we could forgive ourselves for those moments when we were narrow-minded, inconsiderate, or afraid.
When it comes to labels, nobody wins.
So, my dear people, I suggest we peer a little deeper into ourselves to investigate a need to separate ourselves from others by tacking them with a label filled with disdain or scorn.
It is my wish that you view this video and take it to heart.