Posts Tagged ‘Dalai Lama’

9 Ways To Tell Your Mind To Sit. Stay.

Stargazers 7-16-16 all seven skinny

We all have trouble. Even those who appear to have no trouble at all — trust me, they have trouble.  

Trouble is universal.  What makes the difference is what we do with it.  Do we make it worse, or smooth it out?  

Do we amplify it, or do we know how to turn it into a feather and call to the wind?

Worry falls into the category of trouble, and what we do with it makes a huge difference in how we move through our day. According to the Dalai Lama, there’s no situation that benefits from worrying. 

If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it’s not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever. — Dalai Lama

Today, let’s think in dog-speak and calm our minds, shall we?


1.  Heel. 

Be less intellectual.   Today is a good day to put your negative imagination on vacation.  Being a brainiac can work against you.   If you think about your trouble, reason with it, or evaluate it,  you might as well tie boulders to your ankles and jump in a deep lake.   Jackson and Blue Flowers May 2011

Here’s the weirdest thing about trouble.  If you give it your attention, it grows.  If  you pay too much attention to your illness, for instance, it takes you by the nose and leads you like a puppet, and where it leads isn’t pretty.   Instead, put your focus elsewhere.  Go in step with easier thoughts.

When you catch yourself over-thinking, or imagining negatively, notice it.   “Huh.  I’m over-thinking.”  And then shift gears.  Do something (anything) that takes you in another direction.  Heel!  Make a phone call, look up something on Google that you’ve been curious about, read a book, pet your dog, write a thank you note, walk and take in natural beauty.

2.  Sit. 

Listen to your heart.  Quiet yourself enough to let your heart inform your brain.  Your heart is in charge, and your brain is the faithful servant.  Anyone who knows anything about change recommends meditation, which is a way to tell your brain to sit and stay.   Spend 15 minutes a day quieting your mind and being heart-centered.  It’s easier to listen to your heart when you’re better friends with it.

3.  Stay. 

Don’t get all up close and personal with trouble.   Step back and say, “Oh, look, there’s trouble” instead of  “I’m in trouble.”

This gives you some well-deserved breathing room, so that you don’t become the trouble. You’re observing the trouble, which is a powerful place to stand.  If someone else is having trouble, don’t jump in the barrel with them.  You can’t help them if you’re part of the problem.  Stay out, and call to them to join you where you are.   Lead them toward still water.

4.  Come this way! Good doggie!  

See yourself as whole, perfect and happy.  Sure, JacksonCutePompTail croppedyou’ve got an issue, but the real you is fine.  (You know this because you’re breathing.)  Don’t let temporary  circumstances sway you from your inner knowing that all is well, and whatever this is, this will pass.  Your mental state matters.   There is a bright light of love surrounding you 24-7. It’s easier to keep the faith if you let it in.  Sunshine for your soul is pouring into you and bathing beautiful you in light always and forever. 

5.  Sic ’em! 

Go after something you love.  If you’re happily occupied, your brain won’t be wandering into scary territory or getting you in trouble.  If you love music, do more of that.  It will uplift you. Play music on your sound system, pick up your guitar, go to the piano, or sing  — whatever works.   Music is healing and it will shoo away the scurry of the usual trouble suspects.  Singing prevents your brain from negative shenanigans.   You can Google “health benefits of music” and you’ll find plenty to read regarding all sorts of evidence for how music helps us.   

6.  Roll over. 

Take trouble less seriously.  This idea is counter-intuitive, but it will save you.   Taking trouble less seriously can be a tall order, but make light of the fact that you can’t walk well, have lost your balance, can’t see the road sign, or have pain.  Find a way to be silly about it.  Care less about the fact that what you can accomplish in a day has changed.  The package didn’t arrive? Your flight was cancelled? The less weight you give your problem, the lighter and more nimble you’ll be in getting to a new place.

Someone is angry with you?  Someone isn’t talking to you?  Problems at work?  Go easy.  Say a simple prayer, blessing you and the others, knowing that help is on the way.

7.  Play Dead. 

Don’t believe in your problem.   jacksonCouch1Don’t let the problem consume you or take center stage.   Just because someone asks how you are, you don’t have to tell them.   Just because you got a divorce, diagnosis, fell and scraped your knee, or flunked the test, you’re not required to announce it.  Speak less about your problems to others and more about where you’re going.   Instead, be quiet, go with the flow, notice what’s out-picturing and do your inner work.  See your problem as a way to focus on what’s working, and on your baby-step progress.   If you do, chances are greater that your problem will lose its grip, and graduate to temporary.  Things can change.  Even conditions that have a reputation for snuffing the life out of us can change on a dime.

8.  Go Fetch. 

Ask for help.   Maybe you have always been a person who didn’t need anything from others, at least in the basic ways.  You had endless energy, independence and strength.  But let’s say things change, and you’re still trying to be the person you used to be. It may be time to adjust!  Shift gears and get help, reach out.  If you don’t, you’ll sit at home by yourself and your brain will go after you.   Change things up and reach out for something, anything.  Ask more questions, be interested in others.   Get help with something physical that will make things easier.

My hubby Eric is having physical challenges right now.  Recently, he asked me to bring some of his music equipment upstairs to work on, because the stairs are too hard for him.   I’m happy to do that, and I’m happy he asked. 

A friend recovering from surgery got doctor’s orders to exercise.  She sent an email to a whole group of us, asking women to sign up to go for walks with her, knowing that if she had time scheduled with someone, her brain couldn’t talk her out of it.  That’s a smart move.

9.  Shake hands. 

View your problem as assistance you invited.  What if your problem is there to help you learn something you said you wanted to understand?  What if the only reason your issue is staring you in the face is to HELP you?  What if this trouble holds a golden nugget that helps your future?  What if this is is not a roadblock, it’s ONLY for your assistance?  What if this thing that looks like it’s designed to hold you back is actually the thing that will help you be who you want to be, get where you want to go, or understand and receive what you say you want? 

Makes you wanna say “Hmmmm….”

Good Doggie!  Want to go for a walk?





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Life, Death and Italian Red Peppers

dalai lama My husband Eric was diagnosed with a disease in October of 2013.  Never mind what it was.   Certain stories don’t bear repeating. I remember the day vividly because I sing for a choir — Womansong of Asheville.  A couple days after he was pronounced pretty much “outta here” by a local medical messenger of doom and gloom, I was scheduled to sing in a Womansong Concert (and I had a solo) and I remember praying that I would be able to sing like I cared about being there.  And I also prayed that I could sing knowing that the Universe is always helping me, even if I can’t see it.  I did fine and the concert was really great — the whole choir was elated about the success of the performance. Despite the discouraging news about his health, Eric’s will to live was strong.  Picture a team of ten wild horses on firm dry ground pulling a tiny ant on a little bitty sled.  It was like that.  Eric simply scoffed at the idea of dying.  It was not a concern for him. But his health seemed to deteriorate steadily, and Eric was placed in hospice. And then!  Eric turned a miraculous and unexplainable corner!  He started getting better. I’ll never forget the day he said words no one ever expected him to say again, “I’m hungry. Can you bring me some food?” The nurse looked shocked, followed quickly by delight and amazement.  She didn’t know what in the world to think!  But she brought him a tray — pronto! — and he consumed it. Then he asked for tubes to be removed.  And of course they were removed, because it is the job of hospice to grant final wishes. Nobody could figure out these stunning new developments which defied all logic and reason,  leaving hospice doctors and nurses shaking their heads.  Nobody knew what to say.  Or think.  But it made everybody really, really happy.  It made all of us re-think our beliefs system, that’s for sure! That’s the short story. Then, after days and days of certified blue ribbon well-being, and living in total appreciation, a couple weeks ago, Eric encountered a sudden change for the worse. It arrived in the form of strong back and hip pain and nausea.  A relapse? Nope, not good. The symptoms threw him completely off the merry-go-round.  He took it hard.  Emotionally speaking, he fell down and couldn’t get up.   The change was shocking to him, a devastating left jab he didn’t expect.  Understandably, his mind went into a spin.  In the middle of all of this, mine started to do the same.  It was clear that some form of relief was in order!  And since it’s not my job to control his mind, I thought I’d get to work on my own mind. So I did something that works for me.  What I actually did will sound insignificant.  I distracted myself with something I like to do.sweet Italian red peppers Yes, it’s counter-intuitive to ignore a big hairy problem.  It seems practically wrong.  Irresponsible.  Unkind.  Uncaring.  Thoughtless.  Selfish. But I did it anyway. Because I knew that changing my focus would help me.  And I needed that.  A lot. I planted something. I put on my garden pants, my gloves, and in the heat of the afternoon, I dug little baby holes for my little baby heirloom Italian Red Pepper plants.   I put them in the ground.  I gave them water.  They were happy.  I was happy. These peppers are such funny characters.   They have been in little starter pots, but not growing much.   Maybe they didn’t like the potting mix. After all the planting was done, Eric  and I talked into the wee hours that night.  I am not sure how either of us finally fell asleep. The next morning we both woke up in a better place.  Sleep is a dalai lama umbrellavery good thing. Now, as I write this,  I can’t say I really know what’s happening, and nobody can. So I am turning to this quote for help and relief. “If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry.  If it’s not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever.” ― Dalai Lama XIV  


Comments and thoughts welcome — scroll down to the comment boxes.  I will approve your comment and you’ll see it posted a little later.  The approval process is an interim step which helps to avoid spam. In Care of Relationships with Terri Crosby– Tools For Creating Positive Momentum.  Terri is a relationship mentor.  She helps create life-affirming, ever-evolving, happier relationships with those you love. If you are ready to take your relationship to the next level, you can sign up to be on the mailing list HERE.  To subscribe to her blog, hit the subscribe button on this page and add your email address.     Continue Reading

Intimacy Is Everywhere

Hello Everyone,

Today, intimacy.

Love to you all,

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Friday Love: Bam! Gate Breaking, Anyone?

Good Friday, Everyone!

Today, I’m sharing a story about how I accidentally accomplished something on my bucket list. I ran through an exit gate while looking the other way. The hood of my car is scratched up, and one windshield wiper is a mess, but let’s have a good laugh about how we never expect what “getting what we want” includes!

Let me know if you relate…

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Enough with the Name-Calling

It seems to be a growing fad these days to call someone a narcissist, or declare they are toxic.
Political name-calling is similar—we assign politicians and voters to categories, and brush them off as if they are unintelligent, inferior, or even worthless.
By labeling others, we miss their humanity. We gloss over their struggle, their best effort at dealing with life. We dismiss them.
We do to them what we believe they are doing to others.
Look past a label, and in the soft light of day, there stands a person like you or like me, coping as best they can. At the end of the day, no friend, parent, or lover making conscious choices intends to be mean, or to ignore, or to embellish. There is always more to the story.
If we label others, then for sure we label ourselves. We trap ourselves into believing we are less than. Or not enough. Or we don’t give ourselves the time and forgiveness to work through our “stuff.” Maybe, if we stopped accusing others of narcissism, we could forgive ourselves for those moments when we were narrow-minded, inconsiderate, or afraid.
When it comes to labels, nobody wins.
So, my dear people, I suggest we peer a little deeper into ourselves to investigate a need to separate ourselves from others by tacking them with a label filled with disdain or scorn.
It is my wish that you view this video and take it to heart.
Much love,

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