SUMMER SHORTS: What You Don’t Realize About Change Can Slow You Down.

Summer Shorts is a weekly short-read in honor of the season, to convey ideas about relationships and life in the blink of an eye.

Deliberate change requires more than a sprinkle of our attention.

Making changes asks for all of who we are, everything we’ve got. We must pay attention. We must do things we’ve never done before. We must wake up where we were once asleep.

Making a change changes every part of us.

To shift, I must actually become the person who can perform a new action (make easy meals for myself), express a new quality (remain kind under stress), develop a skill (sing for a live audience) or be relaxed and confident (in the highly emotional atmosphere where I work).

To change, I must become the person who thinks and feels in a way that matches what I’m asking for.

Let’s all pause for a deep breath here. Change requires a great deal. Being who you are now (staying the same) is deeply rooted, even more than you might realize.

Physical body processes that help memorize a rote task are certainly a handy feature when learning to play a bassoon. But these same processes create challenges when it comes to changing a habit, a pattern of thought, or a way of being with myself or my partner.

You probably don’t realize how automated you are. Every part of your system works together to learn a process and remember how to do it.

Researcher Joe Dispenza says, “This means that for those of us over 35, we have memorized a select set of behaviors, attitudes, beliefs, emotional reactions, habits, skills, associative memories, conditioned responses, and perceptions that are now subconsciously programmed within us. Those programs are running us, because the body has become the mind. This means that we will think the same thoughts, feel the same feelings, react in identical ways, behave in the same manner, believe the same dogmas, and perceive reality the same ways. About 95 percent of who we are by midlife is a series of subconscious programs that have become automatic—driving a car, brushing our teeth, overeating when we’re stressed, worrying about our future, judging our friends, complaining about our lives, blaming our parents, not believing in ourselves, and insisting on being chronically unhappy, just to name a few.” Joe Dispenza, Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself: How to Lose Your Mind and Create a New One

The next time you feel stuck in your life, remember that changes require new choices. What is one small thing you can do today that will make your life better, according to you? Do that. Stick with that one thing and see where that leads you. I predict that the results will surprise you.

Making any change ushers us into the unknown, which is where magic happens. How ever your change experiment turns out, I’d love to hear about it!

Image by Jill Wellington from Pixabay

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Terri Crosby

Helping you create life-affirming, ever-evolving, happier relationships with those you love. Follow me on twitter at@TerriCrosby or read myblog.

Comments (4)

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    Jane Snyder

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    “Change is the constant!” Sometimes you choose it. Sometimes, well, for better or worse, it chooses you. Who would EVER choose cancer, a change that is so profound, it’s not even possible to grasp? But therein lies the opportunity. So I am working now to “Stick” with (and return to again and again) the gifts that lie within a life-change that I never chose. But despite the suffering, cancer, I have discovered, is not all bad. Really! (You know all about this journey.) And therein lies the gift. If one can remain open to the possibility, there is expansion of gratitude, broadened awareness of how loved we are, astonishment at how resilient the heart and soul can be, acknowledgement of the strength and persistence of the physical body and more that I have yet to discover. Now, more than ever, I need my closest loved ones to hold my hand through it all. The shift is in the reaching……

    Reply

    • Avatar

      Terri Crosby

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      Jane, what a beautiful note from you. Gifts are everywhere, all the time, if we have the ears to hear and the eyes and heart to see, and clearly, you do. I’m reading a book right now by Father Gregory Boyle, a Jesuit priest whose life and livelihood is smack in the middle of opposing Latino gangs in LA. Father Boyle is the founder of Homeboy Industries, who employs gang members, specifically to give them a way out of violence and desperation. He has done hundreds of funerals for gang members in his time there. He tells story after story of how there’s redemption in everything, that one light will change even overwhelming darkness and that love is everywhere. Thank you for expressing your thoughts. I’ll be in touch.

      Reply

  • Avatar

    shiner

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    Ah the magic, yes that is the reward we we step out of our box.!

    Reply

    • Avatar

      Terri Crosby

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      New dance, the out-of-the-box step :–))). Love you!

      Reply

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Enough with the Name-Calling

It seems to be a growing fad these days to call someone a narcissist, or declare they are toxic.
 
Political name-calling is similar—we assign politicians and voters to categories, and brush them off as if they are unintelligent, inferior, or even worthless.
 
By labeling others, we miss their humanity. We gloss over their struggle, their best effort at dealing with life. We dismiss them.
 
We do to them what we believe they are doing to others.
 
Look past a label, and in the soft light of day, there stands a person like you or like me, coping as best they can. At the end of the day, no friend, parent, or lover making conscious choices intends to be mean, or to ignore, or to embellish. There is always more to the story.
 
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