SUMMER SHORTS: Do This In A Relationship. It Makes A Difference.

Summer Shorts is a weekly short-read in honor of the season, to convey ideas about relationships and life in the blink of an eye.

There are days when things with your partner seem a little rough around the edges. There are moments or hours when you wonder why you’re in the relationship to begin with. You might even fantasize about the benefits of walking away. You entertain the idea briefly, then continue as usual.

Even today, before leaving for work, the quick conversation with your partner as you picked up your keys, water bottle and bag did not go well. There was an uncomfortable disagreement, and no time to work it out.

Now, as you drive, you wonder how to settle your heart, how to make your mind sit and stay. At the traffic light, you take a deep breath and remind yourself that this, too, shall pass. But until it does, what is there to do?

Pulling into the parking lot, before heading inside to your busy day, you take a few moments to center. You let in your partner’s words. You sit with them. You pay attention to your thoughts. You notice your fear. You breathe.

How to receive another person is something each of us learns more deeply every day on planet Earth. What does receiving mean? Fundamentally, it means accepting. Receiving is a deep welcome for what’s in front of you.

Being a receiver in a relationship means “Go ahead and bring all of you to our relationship because I’ve been practicing with myself, and I’ve made it my priority to accept who I am. Come on in, the water’s fine. I’ve made room in my heart for every aspect of you, because that’s what I’ve been practicing with myself.”  

Continuing, “If I slip up and forget to receive you, I’m so practiced (with myself) that I’ll notice I didn’t receive you. I’ll pause. I’ll take a deep breath and remember to hear you, fully and completely. I’ll consider your point of view, understand it, honor it. I’ll do the best I can, which is pretty good, because, like I said — I’ve been practicing.”

What does receiving my husband mean? It would mean I’m not trying to change him. It would mean I accept what he does in the world, how he thinks, what he believes. It would mean I’ve paid attention to what motivates or inspires him, what makes him tick, what makes him happy, what supports him, what matters to him. I welcome all of him, as he is. Again, I can do that because I’ve been practicing with myself.

With practice receiving, gradually I learn to breathe through places where I have (in the past) shut down a conversation or turned it on its ear.

What’s the opposite of receiving?

Research shows that we can sense a thought or reaction before it becomes words-to-another. We can say to ourselves, “Oh, here it comes. I can feel it. Here’s a trigger point.” We state this awareness declaration clearly to ourselves so we don’t fall for, believe in, or become the trigger. Instead, we notice we’re about to react and make a decision to move consciously forward.

One word of advice here — have a deal with your partner not to point out each other’s triggers. Instead, point out (only) your own. When you notice a trigger of yours, a place where you didn’t receive, throw a flag on your own play. Call it out. Own it. Work through it with your partner’s help, if possible. (Partners can help more than you might imagine. But that’s a longer discussion for another time.)

With practice receiving, people realize a reaction is not the ultimate truth, it’s just where they were in that moment.

A reaction is the past expressed in the present moment. If we’d prefer that life be an expression of where we’re going, not a repeat of where we’ve been, being aware of a reaction on the horizon is an important step.

Committing to the practice of being in the present, not in the familiar past or the predictable future, changes everything. It’s a clear turning point in any relationship, especially the one with yourself.

Egos react. Hearts break open and receive. Receiving is following the lead of the heart. Given the wisdom of the heart, the heart-path is one you can trust. Where will you ask yourself to open your heart this week?

Image by Quang Nguyen vinh from Pixabay

Tags: , ,

Trackback from your site.

Terri Crosby

Helping you create life-affirming, ever-evolving, happier relationships with those you love. Follow me on twitter at@TerriCrosby or read myblog.

Comments (2)

  • Avatar

    Toni Galardi

    |

    I love this! What a great distinction on the idea of receiving another person means accepting them as they are. Brilliant!

    Reply

    • Avatar

      Terri Crosby

      |

      Thanks, Toni, for reading, and I’m glad you liked this one. Hugs right back.

      Reply

Leave a comment

Intimacy Is Everywhere

Hello Everyone,

Today, intimacy.

Love to you all,

Read more

Friday Love: Bam! Gate Breaking, Anyone?

Good Friday, Everyone!

Today, I’m sharing a story about how I accidentally accomplished something on my bucket list. I ran through an exit gate while looking the other way. The hood of my car is scratched up, and one windshield wiper is a mess, but let’s have a good laugh about how we never expect what “getting what we want” includes!

Let me know if you relate…

Read more

Enough with the Name-Calling

It seems to be a growing fad these days to call someone a narcissist, or declare they are toxic.
 
Political name-calling is similar—we assign politicians and voters to categories, and brush them off as if they are unintelligent, inferior, or even worthless.
 
By labeling others, we miss their humanity. We gloss over their struggle, their best effort at dealing with life. We dismiss them.
 
We do to them what we believe they are doing to others.
 
Look past a label, and in the soft light of day, there stands a person like you or like me, coping as best they can. At the end of the day, no friend, parent, or lover making conscious choices intends to be mean, or to ignore, or to embellish. There is always more to the story.
 
If we label others, then for sure we label ourselves. We trap ourselves into believing we are less than. Or not enough. Or we don’t give ourselves the time and forgiveness to work through our “stuff.” Maybe, if we stopped accusing others of narcissism, we could forgive ourselves for those moments when we were narrow-minded, inconsiderate, or afraid.
 
When it comes to labels, nobody wins.
 
So, my dear people, I suggest we peer a little deeper into ourselves to investigate a need to separate ourselves from others by tacking them with a label filled with disdain or scorn.
 
It is my wish that you view this video and take it to heart.
 
Much love,
Terri
 
 

Read more

Get in touch

Terri Crosby

Talk to me