Four Predicaments. One Question.

early-fall-morning-mist 

Today, I give you four problems.

The challenge?  Answer the questions at the end, especially the very last one. The last question changes everything. 

(Resist the temptation to skip ahead. Let your brilliant brain chew on this in order…)

Here are the four situations:

#1 made a bold career move because her boss was unacceptable. At first, the new job glowed with the qualities she was seeking, but as things unfolded and more was revealed, she discovered that her new boss is freakishly similar to the one she left.

#2 got in a fight with her boyfriend and it was a pretty ugly scene. He said mean things to her. She said mean things to him. They both apologized. Is it over? No. Things are calmer on the surface, but the issues that caused the fight are still there. These include coming to inaccurate conclusions, throwing verbal punches, and acting from a place of fear. Neither of them knows how to rise up out of the tit-for-tat, eye for an eye, daily grind of who’s right and who’s wrong.

#3 is getting out of a relationship. She is safe, she says, but I’m not sure because I haven’t heard from her in (too many) days. This is the second time she has officially bolted from this relationship, and hopefully the last. (Should she leave this relationship? Absolutely. Safety is the priority. Everything else can be addressed later.)

#4 is well-educated and well-to-do, and wants a different life than she has. Besides an easier and more satisfying career, she’d like a partner who is dedicated to family. She wants it so much that she gave up one marriage to find someone who could share that with her. She was very hopeful about the new man, and it turns out that he’s got a lot, but lo and behold not that family thing, not in the way she would prefer. She loves him, he loves her. In most other important ways, they are really good together.

THE QUESTIONS

WHAT BELIEF IS COMMON TO ALL FOUR SITUATIONS?

The belief that changing circumstances will solve our problem.

Don’t expect a new result if you haven’t changed your inner tune. You can change husbands, locations, or jobs, and often the same issues show up.

Oh, believe me, I’m an expert on this most hopeful and reasonable idea that changing a husband or boyfriend would make my “problem” go away. I tried it so many times. I’m the queen of multiple marriages, after all. 

What I eventually discovered, though, was that I brought myself and my thinking to every new circumstance, as in “Wherever you go, there you are.”

I’d get a new man, but it didn’t help. The marriage didn’t work out and I got a divorce. Why? I was the common denominator.

Nothing changed about my results until I changed. 

WHAT ARE THE CHOICES HERE?

Door #1: Keep changing your environment, outer world, circumstances, hoping to fix the problem.

Door #2: Start with yourself. Make changes in yourself, knowing your outer world will reflect your inner changes.

OK, I GET IT. I CHOOSE DOOR #2. HOW DO I MAKE CHANGES IN MYSELF?

Become the person who would naturally receive what you say you want.

Who is that person?

 

Tags: , ,

Trackback from your site.

Terri Crosby

Helping you create life-affirming, ever-evolving, happier relationships with those you love. Follow me on twitter at@TerriCrosby or read myblog.

Comments (5)

  • Avatar

    Heather

    |

    This is fabulous and the true essence of change

    Reply

    • Avatar

      Terri Crosby

      |

      Thanks for reading and commenting, Heather. Good to hear from you and I trust all is well with you and yours.

      Reply

  • Avatar

    Corey fowler

    |

    SO TRUE AS IN SO MANY ASPECTS OF LIFE… 🙂

    Reply

    • Avatar

      Terri Crosby

      |

      Thanks for reading and commenting! Always nice to hear from you.

      Reply

Leave a comment

Intimacy Is Everywhere

Hello Everyone,

Today, intimacy.

Love to you all,

Read more

Friday Love: Bam! Gate Breaking, Anyone?

Good Friday, Everyone!

Today, I’m sharing a story about how I accidentally accomplished something on my bucket list. I ran through an exit gate while looking the other way. The hood of my car is scratched up, and one windshield wiper is a mess, but let’s have a good laugh about how we never expect what “getting what we want” includes!

Let me know if you relate…

Read more

Enough with the Name-Calling

It seems to be a growing fad these days to call someone a narcissist, or declare they are toxic.
 
Political name-calling is similar—we assign politicians and voters to categories, and brush them off as if they are unintelligent, inferior, or even worthless.
 
By labeling others, we miss their humanity. We gloss over their struggle, their best effort at dealing with life. We dismiss them.
 
We do to them what we believe they are doing to others.
 
Look past a label, and in the soft light of day, there stands a person like you or like me, coping as best they can. At the end of the day, no friend, parent, or lover making conscious choices intends to be mean, or to ignore, or to embellish. There is always more to the story.
 
If we label others, then for sure we label ourselves. We trap ourselves into believing we are less than. Or not enough. Or we don’t give ourselves the time and forgiveness to work through our “stuff.” Maybe, if we stopped accusing others of narcissism, we could forgive ourselves for those moments when we were narrow-minded, inconsiderate, or afraid.
 
When it comes to labels, nobody wins.
 
So, my dear people, I suggest we peer a little deeper into ourselves to investigate a need to separate ourselves from others by tacking them with a label filled with disdain or scorn.
 
It is my wish that you view this video and take it to heart.
 
Much love,
Terri
 
 

Read more

Get in touch

Terri Crosby

Talk to me