Why Men Stop Helping — From The Mouths of Men — Part 3 of 3This is the 3rd article in a series about a sticking point in many relationships — how can women get what they need from the men they live with, work with, and meet? In the first article, I quoted two female writers followed by three readers who commented on one of the female writers. It was pretty brazen stuff. I asked a question about blame. In the second article, I reported your comments and gave more information. I also asked why you think men stop helping in a relationship. The ladies had a wide range of views on the subject. For answers, I thought, “Who would know better why they stopped helping than the men who actually stopped?” So I asked men.
What Men SayOne man said, “My wife never celebrates the wins with me. There is no pause button on the honey-do list.” Another said, “I can’t do anything right according to her. So it is easier not to get involved.”
Other Men Said:
- “She micro-manages.”
- “She’s always looking over my shoulder to see if I’m doing things her way. Never mind my expertise. It’s gotta be done the way she thinks it needs to be done or I never hear the end of it.”
- “I’ve stopped asking for her input about most everything. I just don’t talk. I do what I do and that’s it. Last year, I attempted to do a renovation project with her. I’ll never do it again.”
- “She comes behind me and fixes what I’ve done. Why do anything? I can’t even play with her daughter right. Why can’t her daughter learn how men play? We’re pretty good at team sports! On a Sunday afternoon, we play a game — soccer, basketball, touch football — and sure that’s rougher and tougher than my girlfriend having tea on the veranda. But nobody gets damaged and if there’s a bump or a scratch, we fix it or brush it off and keep playing.”
- “What I offer is not ‘good enough’ so I might as well not do it in the first place. It’s not worth my time or my attention.”
- “You can either have what you want or tell us how to do it, but not both.”
- “I can do twenty things right without being asked and when she arrives on the scene, all she notices is the one thing I missed.”
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