What’s Your Background Self-Talk?

Kitchen table bouquetWritten by Terri Crosby

Have you ever (really, really) noticed what’s going on behind the curtain of your outward presentation of yourself? Do you ever notice what you say to yourself in those private moments when no one is listening? Do you pay attention to your inner mantras?  Your unspoken expectations? Have you ever caught yourself arguing with someone in your head, trying to reason with them and figure out how to get them to agree with you? You probably have, because it is a common human experience.  Lush forest green 1 I don’t know about you, but I’ve done a lot of waking up this past year.  I’ve done a lot of changing of my outer dialogue, meaning the words that are easiest to notice. I’ve done well with that. I’ve also taught this to many others — consulting clients and singing students.

Why bother to learn this?

The short story is that it makes a difference in how life unfolds.  Life gets better, it’s more fun, it’s more satisfying. Now, I’m interested in kicking it up a notch.  I’m really aware of my desire to wake up in the middle of my not-so-hot inner dialogue and shifting it. It’s time. Just the other day I was standing at the sink in my kitchen, and noticed the “inner noise.”  It made me laugh, actually!  It was pretty bad!  I thought, “Wow!  There’s an unhappy party going on in there!” Sometimes there are no words that I can hear, just body tension.  Hmmmm.  So I say to myself, “Hello tension!  Hello tight muscles.  Hello worry without words.  I bet I can ease up right now…” And I consciously let go of the background tension.  I wake up. I’ve done it over and over this past week. Sometimes the inner dialogue is very positive and it’s like planning my future with bells on my toes.  It’s happy.  It’s pretty wonderful to notice.  That makes me smile, for a different reason!  I enjoy those moments. My daughter MacKenzie and I have become partners in this wake up thing.  She and I talk about it, notice that we’re doing better about it, and that’s about it.  That’s all it takes.  We don’t report to each other what our mind was saying, we just notice when we NOTICE it, and we give ourselves a high five for any improvement.

Green on forest logYikes!

It can be a little shocking to notice what goes on in the dark corners of our minds.  Sometimes it’s a low rumble of thoughts and sometimes it’s a scenario.  MacKenzie told me she was wiping a table at the restaurant where she works, and she noticed that she had created this whole future that she didn’t even want to live. It’s weird, isn’t it, that we would do such a thing?  In any case, just interrupting it by waking up in the middle of the nonsense is the very finest and most effective thing we can do! Awareness creates choice.  Personally, I’d rather have the inner landscape of my mind be like a lush garden, with an array of beautiful things growing! Go ahead, try it this week.  Let me know how it goes!  I’d love to hear about your favorite WAKE UP moment.

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Terri Crosby offers change-of-heart, change-of-mind perspectives to create GREAT relationships — not just get-by, okay, sort of good, passing grade relationships.  Life’s too short for just getting by!  She is committed to providing perspectives that put the power to change your relationships in your capable hands.  You can’t change other people, but you can change your perspective. Written by Terri Crosby, In Care of Relationships.  714-240-4889.    

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Terri Crosby

Helping you create life-affirming, ever-evolving, happier relationships with those you love. Follow me on twitter at@TerriCrosby or read myblog.

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    Eric

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    Good stuff Terri! Keep it coming…

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    shiner

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    I use ” Tell a different story”, same concept. Thanks for the reminder!

    Reply

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Rise Up by Andra Day

What a great set of words for these oncoming days.

Rise Up

 
You’re broken down and tired
Of living life on a merry go round
And you can’t find the fighter
But I see it in you so we gonna walk it out
And move mountains
We gonna walk it out
And move mountains
And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
And I’ll rise up
High like the waves
I’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
When the silence isn’t quiet
And it feels like it’s getting hard to breathe
And I know you feel like dying
But I promise we’ll take the world to its feet
And move mountains
Bring it to its feet
And move mountains
And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
All we need, all we need is hope
And for that we have each other
And for that we have each other
And we will rise
We will rise
We’ll rise, oh, oh
We’ll rise
I’ll rise up
Rise like the day
I’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
I will rise a thousand times again
And we’ll rise up
High like the waves
We’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
We’ll rise up
And we’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
Ah, ah, ah, ah
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Cassandra Monique Batie / Jennifer Decilveo
Rise Up lyrics © BMG Rights Management

Terri’s book of photography combined with poetry is here! 100 Words: Small Servings of Whimsy and Wisdom to Calm the Mind and Nourish the Heart.

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Rippling Abs, Anyone?

Rippling Abs, Anyone?

During this strange time in history, I noticed y’all were tackling all sorts of interesting projects. I decided I needed one, too—something positive to remember the pandemic of 2020 by.
 
I decided to pay attention to something I had abandoned…
 
Nope, I’m not cleaning my garage. I am not organizing one single thing. I’m not planting a garden or cleaning up my yard.
 
Instead, I decided to take care of myself better. This, folks, has made all the difference for me.
 
With relatively little time and effort on my part, I feel so much better than I did a month ago.
 
On March 30, I got on the exercise bike and the yoga mat for the first time in a long time, and did 30 minutes each. I liked it so much that I decided to do it every day. But I fell short of that, and changed my commitment to every other day, which felt more manageable, reasonable, and doable.
 
I also get off the bike after every song, take a couple of sips of water, shake out my legs and arms for a few seconds, and get back on. This makes the bike project a reasonable proposition, too.
 
Daily walks of any length—by myself, or with my little guy, Jackson—are a fresh air bonus.
 
My recumbent exercise bike has pulleys to work my upper body while I pedal, which gets my heart rate up fast, and also helps my whole-body strength. It feels good to get up from writing, or doing a consulting session with a client, to do something physically challenging while listening to good music.
 
After only a month, I feel a sheet of muscles on the front of me I haven’t felt for a very, very long time. Goodness gracious. Who knew they were there. I’ll be posting rippling ab photos soon, I’m sure.
 
I have no idea what the scales have to say about my bike/yoga project—I don’t care. Paying attention to scales tends to send me sideways, and therefore, I’m ignoring them completely.
 
But—I LOVE the way I feel! Hang in there, everyone.
 

Terri’s book of photography combined with poetry is here! 100 Words: Small Servings of Whimsy and Wisdom to Calm the Mind and Nourish the Heart.

Read more

Check Out This Troublemaker in Relationships

Check Out This Troublemaker in Relationships

Sometimes we ask intimate partners to do for us what is actually ours to do.

We ask our partner to give us the reassurance, love or appreciation we feel is missing in ourselves, with the hope that they will give us what we’re asking for—and then we’ll feel better. They’ll take care of our problem.

But when they do give us what we’re asking for, it can never be enough, because we have insufficient context for what they’ve given. We haven’t build the inner foundation to receive it, hear it, welcome it, believe it. They try to help, but their love for us falls into our void, our black hole, our love bucket with no bottom.

As always, there’s hope. Check out the video below.

Terri Crosby. http://www.incareofrelationships.com/.

Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

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Terri Crosby

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