In Part 3 of our video blog series, I sit down with my daughter Mackenzie to discuss the reason so many marriages seem to fail. Why do you think so many marriages fail? Let me know in the comments!
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What a great set of words for these oncoming days.
Terri’s book of photography combined with poetry is here! 100 Words: Small Servings of Whimsy and Wisdom to Calm the Mind and Nourish the Heart.
Terri’s book of photography combined with poetry is here! 100 Words: Small Servings of Whimsy and Wisdom to Calm the Mind and Nourish the Heart.
Sometimes we ask intimate partners to do for us what is actually ours to do.
We ask our partner to give us the reassurance, love or appreciation we feel is missing in ourselves, with the hope that they will give us what we’re asking for—and then we’ll feel better. They’ll take care of our problem.
But when they do give us what we’re asking for, it can never be enough, because we have insufficient context for what they’ve given. We haven’t build the inner foundation to receive it, hear it, welcome it, believe it. They try to help, but their love for us falls into our void, our black hole, our love bucket with no bottom.
As always, there’s hope. Check out the video below.
Terri Crosby. http://www.incareofrelationships.com/.
Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay
Mary-Elizabeth
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The buck does stop with me and I say, “It’s all his fault!” (ha ha). I’m loving your videos and it was nice to be introduced to your daughter today.
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Terri Crosby
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Mary-Elizabeth — so glad you could meet my daughter! Thanks for watching and for enjoying the videos.
Terri
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Althea Gonzalez
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Nice job on the video! Love you and MacKenzie playing off each other. And so true, that we are always responsible for our creations.
My two cents, the term “fail” feels off for me. If everything is always in divine order then there is no “failure”. There is only an ending that may have come sooner than anticipated or desired. And there are things we can be or do (like owning our stuff) that can make them last longer.
Reading… Committed by Elizabeth Gilbert, also helped me to see that over the centuries there are all sorts of reasons and expectations people have for getting married. Those reasons definitely shape the longevity or viability of the marriage.
Thanks for sharing!
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Terri Crosby
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Thank you so much for your comment and your suggestions. I totally understand about the word “fail.” I’d like to share a couple ideas about that…
One,there are certainly many emotion-filled definitions for the word fail involving one’s worth (to prove deficient or lacking, to fall short of success or achievement). But other definitions suggest something simple like “to dwindle” or “lose strength or vigor.” Fail can mean that something ends.
And two, when I work with clients, I start with the language of where they are, not where I am, which builds a bridge to where we will go together. I can be fully in “everything’s in divine order” while my client is not. People who come to me are typically (but not always) in a less than rosey frame of mind about their relationship situation. Even if they understand intellectually that everything is in divine order and there is no such thing as failure, their heart may not be feelin’ that, if you know what I mean. They feel like their relationship (or lack of one) is or was a failure, even though they know differently in their head. So it’s a process of getting the inner-sort-of-secret-feeling of failure out in the light and make it fully OK. We play with it. Welcome it. Understand it. Take it by the hand and take a few baby steps. And then everything begins to change. The heart and mind can come into alignment with the idea that you know is true.
A rather drastic example of this is when my husband Eric almost died last year. Intellectually, I know death is not the end of a relationship, but in the middle of that experience with him, I saw how far I was from actually embodying the truth of that. I’ve come a long ways about it. I understand it more deeply. So at the beginning of that experience, I knew the truth in my head, but life gave me a chance for my heart to understand it more.
Thank you so much for chiming in!
Terri
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