Posts Tagged ‘relationship truths’

Three Hunky Truths About Relating To Others.

Today I’m sharing three truths about relating to others and we’re starting with the hunkiest one. 

Here we go.

Truth One. Being in a relationship doesn’t cause. It reveals.

You might want to read this first hunky truth several times.

Being in a relationship doesn’t cause trouble or cause happiness. Instead, a relationship reveals us.

A relationship shows how we relate to ourselves. How we feel about who we are. How we take care of ourselves. What we know and don’t. What we understand. What we believe.

And therefore, it reveals the ingredients we naturally add to the dish called “us.”

If your intimate relationship was a cake made daily, the batter would bake according to the recipe you choose. How is the aroma today? How does it taste? Is the texture of your connection light and fluffy, or dense and heavy? How does that work for you? Does it need frosting?

If your association with someone could be compared to a Savory Squash Tart which is lovely in appearance but tastes meh, so-so, and it’s a little dry — there you go. That’s valuable information. What will you do with that realization?

If your marriage is delicious Coconut Red Curry, and today’s batch could use more depth of flavor, what will you add?

The way your relationship expresses itself demonstrates what it’s made of. You can observe a relationship and list the ingredients.

By the way, if you find yourself thinking about a past “relationship disaster” and wondering what that means about you, remember there are honest-to-goodness authentic, positive aspects to every situation. This is a longer story for another time, so for now, we’ll stick with the simple version.

You’re personally in charge of ingredients. A relationship reveals you.

Truth Two. A relationship with another works the way you (personally) work.

The gears of your relationship with yourself turn the wheels of every other relationship you have. Your partnerships, connections, and friendships with others are built and maintained the way you treat yourself and take care of yourself.

They would have to be. It’s what you know.

Let’s call you a vehicle. Your accelerator pedal, anti-lock braking system, headlights, and cruise control system express you perfectly. Of course they do! The adjustable suspension matches you. Your anti-theft system, aerodynamic drag, antenna — all are uniquely yours.

Every feature of your vehicle — your fuel pump, the quality of tires that carry you, the range of steering available to you — all of it is congruent with who you’ve become.

How you personally travel determines the smoothness of your other relationships. How you take care of yourself paves the way to how you maintain your relationships with others.

Truth Three. You accept another human to the degree you accept yourself.

Your ability to love someone, to bring that person fully into your heart, to welcome all of who they are — shortcomings, kinks, blind spots and all — is an out-picturing of how you’ve practiced the art of love and acceptance with yourself.

Your heart grows with your partner or friend as much as it grows in you, with you, for you.

*****

Certain fundamental truths about relationships (including these three) are often not deeply, fully understood on a practical, day-to-day level.

For instance, clients don’t typically ask for help in receiving their partner. Clients don’t approach me for sessions saying, “Please teach me to love, understand and accept my partner just the way s/he is.”

Instead, they tell me what’s difficult about their partner and ask how to change them. If they bring their partner to sessions, they (secretly) hope I’ll help with partner repairs.

It’s natural, it’s human to say please fix the issue over there in that other person so I can feel better. I get it.

However, molding others to suit our needs isn’t a sustainable practice. Sooner or later others resent us for tinkering with them. Some leave.

“Please fix my partner so I can be happy” may be where a consulting session begins, but soon we take a different path.

We go to the heart of you, where the power to change is idling. Resting. Living well.

We go to the part of you waiting for an invitation.

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Rise Up by Andra Day

What a great set of words for these oncoming days.

Rise Up

 
You’re broken down and tired
Of living life on a merry go round
And you can’t find the fighter
But I see it in you so we gonna walk it out
And move mountains
We gonna walk it out
And move mountains
And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
And I’ll rise up
High like the waves
I’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
When the silence isn’t quiet
And it feels like it’s getting hard to breathe
And I know you feel like dying
But I promise we’ll take the world to its feet
And move mountains
Bring it to its feet
And move mountains
And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
All we need, all we need is hope
And for that we have each other
And for that we have each other
And we will rise
We will rise
We’ll rise, oh, oh
We’ll rise
I’ll rise up
Rise like the day
I’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
I will rise a thousand times again
And we’ll rise up
High like the waves
We’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
We’ll rise up
And we’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
Ah, ah, ah, ah
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Cassandra Monique Batie / Jennifer Decilveo
Rise Up lyrics © BMG Rights Management

Terri’s book of photography combined with poetry is here! 100 Words: Small Servings of Whimsy and Wisdom to Calm the Mind and Nourish the Heart.

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Rippling Abs, Anyone?

Rippling Abs, Anyone?

During this strange time in history, I noticed y’all were tackling all sorts of interesting projects. I decided I needed one, too—something positive to remember the pandemic of 2020 by.
 
I decided to pay attention to something I had abandoned…
 
Nope, I’m not cleaning my garage. I am not organizing one single thing. I’m not planting a garden or cleaning up my yard.
 
Instead, I decided to take care of myself better. This, folks, has made all the difference for me.
 
With relatively little time and effort on my part, I feel so much better than I did a month ago.
 
On March 30, I got on the exercise bike and the yoga mat for the first time in a long time, and did 30 minutes each. I liked it so much that I decided to do it every day. But I fell short of that, and changed my commitment to every other day, which felt more manageable, reasonable, and doable.
 
I also get off the bike after every song, take a couple of sips of water, shake out my legs and arms for a few seconds, and get back on. This makes the bike project a reasonable proposition, too.
 
Daily walks of any length—by myself, or with my little guy, Jackson—are a fresh air bonus.
 
My recumbent exercise bike has pulleys to work my upper body while I pedal, which gets my heart rate up fast, and also helps my whole-body strength. It feels good to get up from writing, or doing a consulting session with a client, to do something physically challenging while listening to good music.
 
After only a month, I feel a sheet of muscles on the front of me I haven’t felt for a very, very long time. Goodness gracious. Who knew they were there. I’ll be posting rippling ab photos soon, I’m sure.
 
I have no idea what the scales have to say about my bike/yoga project—I don’t care. Paying attention to scales tends to send me sideways, and therefore, I’m ignoring them completely.
 
But—I LOVE the way I feel! Hang in there, everyone.
 

Terri’s book of photography combined with poetry is here! 100 Words: Small Servings of Whimsy and Wisdom to Calm the Mind and Nourish the Heart.

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Check Out This Troublemaker in Relationships

Check Out This Troublemaker in Relationships

Sometimes we ask intimate partners to do for us what is actually ours to do.

We ask our partner to give us the reassurance, love or appreciation we feel is missing in ourselves, with the hope that they will give us what we’re asking for—and then we’ll feel better. They’ll take care of our problem.

But when they do give us what we’re asking for, it can never be enough, because we have insufficient context for what they’ve given. We haven’t build the inner foundation to receive it, hear it, welcome it, believe it. They try to help, but their love for us falls into our void, our black hole, our love bucket with no bottom.

As always, there’s hope. Check out the video below.

Terri Crosby. http://www.incareofrelationships.com/.

Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

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Terri Crosby

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