Posts Tagged ‘observe’

Osho, Wild Animals And The Art of Reflection

Why is it important to take a moment to review one’s week?

There’s value in stepping back as the Observer of what took place in the space of 7 days. As you pause and reflect, you’ll be reminded that little waves in the big ocean of existence are just that — waves. They pass. They get bigger, smaller, and bigger again. That’s what oceans do, and waves are part of life.

In retrospect, you may notice you made small progress on big projects, for instance. You took steps. You got the ball rolling.

Go ahead and say, “Good for me…”

I’LL HAVE WHAT HE’S HAVING

Here’s a little wisdom about Observing from Osho.

It is simply sitting silently, witnessing the thoughts passing before you. Just witnessing, not interfering not even judging, because the moment you judge you have lost the pure witness. The moment you say “this is good, this is bad,” you have already jumped onto the thought process.

It takes a little time to create a gap between the witness and the mind. Once the gap is there, you are in for a great surprise, that you are not the mind, that you are the witness, a watcher.”

LOOKING BACK

As I thumb through the pages of my week, as I witness what occurred, these things that stand out.

Charlottesville erupted and exposed a deep part of all of us. It works best for me when I realize fully that Charlottesville is not “over there.” It’s in me, too. Where is it?

Maybe now that the wound is open, it can heal, but it will heal faster if the rest of us can find where Charlottesville lives in our own hearts and soften that.

Driving up the mountain one day, I came upon a small fox. At first I thought it was a lost dog, because he acted very dog-like. I think he was young. He also stayed on the road, trotting in front of me as if he had all the time in the world, as if to make a point of his presence. Finally, he darted off into the woods.

Rain, rain, rain, so much rain. Let it rain!

Two beautiful young deer also said hello. They paused and made contact with me before darting into the green cover of the forest. They made their hello abundantly clear. What’s this thing about wild animals lingering to connect?

Hummingbirds visited, too, hovering and catching my eye through front windows, back windows, side windows. They didn’t care about flowers or nectar, only to take the time to peer at me. Who are they and what are they saying?

I’m almost hesitant to confess that I dreamed about a little black kitten who found his way home to me. I don’t know this kitten, but clearly he knows me and he was hungry.

The daughter of a dear friend of mine asked for help with her relationship. I said yes. I love working with young women between 18 and 35 years old. Women at this age are unencumbered. They are nimble and they know it. They have deep faith in their ability to shift anything. Best of all, they are completely willing to simplify their thinking, which makes way for profound change in practically no time at all.

Cleaning and clearing continues. You’d think I lived in a dump, and maybe I did! But I think I lived in an average way, with too many things. In the last seven days, the weight, the footprint of my existence is even lighter.

Tears are clearly my teachers, and this week tears taught me about trusting my future.

Isn’t fear an interesting animal?

I noticed fear hiding quiet like a fox in the corners of my heart or trotting ahead of me to get my attention. Sometimes, fear hovered like a hummingbird long enough for me to notice, or it came home to my heart like a lost and hungry kitten.

There were moments when I felt this fear linger at the edge of the forest of my mind, gentle like a doe, even when there’s no earthly reason to have the fear.

I have never noticed fear so clearly before. With Eric gone, I notice more about me. I’m not relying on the cushion of him.

You could say fear is my personal Charlottesville. I’m working with that idea, opening to whatever fear I find in me. I’m doing my best to treat my fear with the innocence of a young doe or two, wide-eyed and curious as I feel what I feel.

I’m contemplating what Osho says. “Life begins where fear ends.”

I’m still working on the blog series I mentioned last week in a blog called “She’s Working On It.”

We could call today’s blog, “She’s Still Working On It.” Hopefully, I’ll roll out Part 1 next week. We shall see! I’m making no promises.

 

 

 

 

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How To Talk Yourself Down Off A Cliff

Italy Landscape 3

When I was 25 years old, I never stopped to consider how emotions affected my health.  Neither did I consider how they affected the flow of my life, my everyday results, my present, or my future.   It never crossed my mind that working against something or someone actually worked against me and the positive result I wanted.  I simply didn’t know.  Most of us don’t.

Humans go sideways about things.  We get upset.  Maybe we blow sky sky high.   We explode, and say things in the heat of the moment.  Maybe we burn a bridge or two or ten.  But then what? 

In another blog, I wrote about how learning to be an Observer of Yourself is an advantage because it puts you outside your reaction.  Creating a little distance between what you do and who you are creates a powerful perspective from which to say, “I can learn a different way.”  

After you’ve practiced Observing, you’ve noticed your feelings and what’s going on in your body, you can begin to talk yourself down off the cliff much easier.  You can soften where you stand.   You can relax a little.  In all my years of working with people, learning to soften an opinion, a feeling, or a perspective is one of the most useful skills on the planet.   Truly!   Most of us are hard on ourselves, and learning how to put a pile of feathers around self-judgment, for instance, is good for anyone’s heart.

So, first we Observe.  We notice what happened, and we note our reaction.  What comes next? 

One word:  INTERRUPT!  Here are two simple ways:

Distract yourself.  You don’t have to fix the negative thought or figure out how to think differently.  Just interrupt the thought any way you can.  Change it up.  If you’re in a conversation that’s not going well, or you’ve hit a wall — just stop!  Really!  Tell that person you’d like time to think and you’ll give them a call tomorrow.  Excuse yourself and go do something else. 

If you’re thinking (maybe obsessively) about a conversation from yesterday or a few minutes ago that didn’t go well (what the person said, what you said, what you could have said, what s/he might have said back) do something — anything — that gets you out of your head.  Doing something physical works well.  Play tennis.  Shoot baskets.  Sing.  Play your guitar. Do jumping jacks.  Anything that breaks the loop.  

When I was turning around my relationship with Eric, I did exactly what I’m speaking about here.  He’s a good guy, a wonderful man, and he’s kind to me and others.  There’s nothing wrong with Eric, but I would find reasons to be irritated with him and get myself in a negative loop.  As I learned a better way, the negative thought became my friend, because it was a reminder that I was off track and I could change my course, if I cared.  And I did care. 

In that moment of criticizing him, I did anything that interrupted the pattern.  Sometimes I’d make a simple statement silently to myself like “Oh, I see.  I’m criticizing.”  Or “Wow, this feels bad.”  I’d also get up and “shake it off” or do a three second dance, and go get a drink of water. 

Soothe yourself.   Catch yourself thinking a negative thought, and interrupt it with a thought that is kinder, more generous or more general than what you just thought. 

“I’ll figure this out a little later today.  I don’t have to deal with this right now.”

“Things always improve, and I know I’ll find my way.”

“Maybe there’s another point of view that’s easier.  I trust I can find that.”

“I wonder how I could feel more relaxed about this?”

 It may sound strange to say, but negative thoughts can be a positive thing, because they help us clarify.  When I experienced an attitude that I didn’t want, it became very clear what I did want.  If I was thinking unkindly about Eric, I’d noticed I’d actually prefer to be kind.  I mean, who wouldn’t prefer to be kind if that was possible?  Or easy? 

Instead of justifying my attitude, the negative emotion became a supportive signal that I had a choice.  I’d say silently to myself, “Oh, I’m doing that thing I usually do.  I have a choice here.”

Paying attention to the connection between what we think and how we feel is one of the smartest practices for anyone who wants to improve their intimate relationship.

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Rise Up by Andra Day

What a great set of words for these oncoming days.

Rise Up

 
You’re broken down and tired
Of living life on a merry go round
And you can’t find the fighter
But I see it in you so we gonna walk it out
And move mountains
We gonna walk it out
And move mountains
And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
And I’ll rise up
High like the waves
I’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
When the silence isn’t quiet
And it feels like it’s getting hard to breathe
And I know you feel like dying
But I promise we’ll take the world to its feet
And move mountains
Bring it to its feet
And move mountains
And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
All we need, all we need is hope
And for that we have each other
And for that we have each other
And we will rise
We will rise
We’ll rise, oh, oh
We’ll rise
I’ll rise up
Rise like the day
I’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
I will rise a thousand times again
And we’ll rise up
High like the waves
We’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
We’ll rise up
And we’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
Ah, ah, ah, ah
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Cassandra Monique Batie / Jennifer Decilveo
Rise Up lyrics © BMG Rights Management

Terri’s book of photography combined with poetry is here! 100 Words: Small Servings of Whimsy and Wisdom to Calm the Mind and Nourish the Heart.

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Rippling Abs, Anyone?

Rippling Abs, Anyone?

During this strange time in history, I noticed y’all were tackling all sorts of interesting projects. I decided I needed one, too—something positive to remember the pandemic of 2020 by.
 
I decided to pay attention to something I had abandoned…
 
Nope, I’m not cleaning my garage. I am not organizing one single thing. I’m not planting a garden or cleaning up my yard.
 
Instead, I decided to take care of myself better. This, folks, has made all the difference for me.
 
With relatively little time and effort on my part, I feel so much better than I did a month ago.
 
On March 30, I got on the exercise bike and the yoga mat for the first time in a long time, and did 30 minutes each. I liked it so much that I decided to do it every day. But I fell short of that, and changed my commitment to every other day, which felt more manageable, reasonable, and doable.
 
I also get off the bike after every song, take a couple of sips of water, shake out my legs and arms for a few seconds, and get back on. This makes the bike project a reasonable proposition, too.
 
Daily walks of any length—by myself, or with my little guy, Jackson—are a fresh air bonus.
 
My recumbent exercise bike has pulleys to work my upper body while I pedal, which gets my heart rate up fast, and also helps my whole-body strength. It feels good to get up from writing, or doing a consulting session with a client, to do something physically challenging while listening to good music.
 
After only a month, I feel a sheet of muscles on the front of me I haven’t felt for a very, very long time. Goodness gracious. Who knew they were there. I’ll be posting rippling ab photos soon, I’m sure.
 
I have no idea what the scales have to say about my bike/yoga project—I don’t care. Paying attention to scales tends to send me sideways, and therefore, I’m ignoring them completely.
 
But—I LOVE the way I feel! Hang in there, everyone.
 

Terri’s book of photography combined with poetry is here! 100 Words: Small Servings of Whimsy and Wisdom to Calm the Mind and Nourish the Heart.

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Check Out This Troublemaker in Relationships

Check Out This Troublemaker in Relationships

Sometimes we ask intimate partners to do for us what is actually ours to do.

We ask our partner to give us the reassurance, love or appreciation we feel is missing in ourselves, with the hope that they will give us what we’re asking for—and then we’ll feel better. They’ll take care of our problem.

But when they do give us what we’re asking for, it can never be enough, because we have insufficient context for what they’ve given. We haven’t build the inner foundation to receive it, hear it, welcome it, believe it. They try to help, but their love for us falls into our void, our black hole, our love bucket with no bottom.

As always, there’s hope. Check out the video below.

Terri Crosby. http://www.incareofrelationships.com/.

Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

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Terri Crosby

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