In my upcoming book on relationships, I’m discussing a couple who broke up and got back together. They were giving things a second try. And what is so striking about giving things a second try is that you have options about how to begin this second chance. You can bring the past with you, or you can leave it behind and start brand new.
When this couple got back together, it offered them both a second chance. Their re-uniting became the brand new start of a love relationship. The beginning was like a warm bath. Ahhh! Everybody was happy and warm and they felt good! They sang each others’ praises and the song of the relationship was pleasant, melodic and beautiful. There was plenty of purring going on, too, because things were looking up. These two got to know each other all over again in the spirit of discovery, play, curiosity, and love, just like they had done when they first met. Life was grand.
When love is fresh and new, we’re like young kids at play. We’re elated and hopeful. We expect to have fun, and guess what? We do! This joy creates a very powerful kind of positive momentum. We’re holding someone else in the steady sunshine of our approving gaze. We find all sorts of reasons to love and appreciate because we’re looking for the good stuff, and we find what we’re looking for.
Being positive is a natural thing, and I believe it is our natural state to look for what is fun, joyful and meaningful, because it connects us with our best self. And we like it when we are at our best and feel good. Watch young children at play. If left to their own devices, they play for the delight of playing and discovering. They are exuberant. A relationship can start out like that, and it can stay that way in large part if we remember how we began.
And then, as we settle in and spend time around each other, old defaults will for sure creep in. What are yours? Where do you see them? But defaults are just defaults. They don’t have to dictate where things go, if we wake up and smell the roses. This is the golden point (seriously it is) where everything good can happen, if we want it to, and if we’re willing to pay attention in new ways. It’s a pivot place, and it’s full of positive potential.
The interesting thing to me is what if we were able to go to sleep at night, and wake up in a truly sparkling place and manage to spend most of our day in this open and receptive state of mind? How would our lives change if we could approach most of our day as if each moment was a true beginning?