My 26 yr. old daughter MacKenzie called me this morning on her way to work and opened the conversation with one of her happy bombs.
She didn’t say hello or good morning.
She said, “Isn’t it great that I’m the kind of daughter who calls her mother?”
We laughed so hard!
It’s so like her to blurt self-congratulations to get us going!
She continued (her smile visible through the phone), “You know, not every daughter calls her mother… I have 15 minutes on the way to work, and I’m spending it with you. Aren’t you grateful and in awe that I’m such a great daughter?”
…which made me so happy. I adore her sense of humor (always a blast of fresh air) and her knock ’em sock ’em approach to — well, anything.
I said, “Well, I have a secret. I think if I don’t say anything at all and pretend that you calling me voluntarily and happily is no big deal, then hopefully you’ll continue calling!”
She thought that was hilariously silly and that bringing these deep, dark secrets between us out in the open was her mission in life. I told her that letting the cat out of the bag was not a good idea at all (I was sure of it) ’cause then she could hold me hostage with her love — she could withhold calling for any reason and then where would I be?
Three generations: Terri, Mildred, MacKenzie.
THE IMPORTANCE OF KEEPING SECRETS
We went on and on about the importance of secrets and denial and pretending. And what would I do if she didn’t call me? (I’d call her.) And how life is about the small moments and conversations can be short and sweet.
And how sometimes we don’t call someone because it will take too long, but really we just need to say “Hi, just thinking about you, I love you and bye-bye for now.”
I love that Mackenzie and I can say pretty much anything and everything to each other. I love that she calls me from her car with a love hammer. Or a question. Or “I don’t have any big reason for calling, I’m just calling…”
I also love how she won’t tell me certain things on the phone.
One day, she and her husband John came over to tell me some news in person. They stood together, eyes shining and announced that they’ve had enough of “tiny little ho-hum no diversity not enough opportunity” Asheville for a while and they’re running off to the big city. They’ve decided to move to northern California (probably this summer) and she wanted me to know. There are job opportunities for John in this far off land and they want to take advantage of that.
Which made me cry. Of course. Because I’m the person I am and I love having her near. Not because I don’t think they should go find work elsewhere or have an adventure.
They should GO. They should DO EVERYTHING. That’s what being footloose and fancy free is all about. They should live someplace I’d love to visit!
MacKenzie ends every conversation with “Love you.” I have to say, that’s not something I did before she started doing it. She taught me.
How is your relationship with your daughter? Or your mother? Are you talking? Are you close? What’s the best thing about talking with her?
“The great good news is that love is free and it has not gone anywhere. In all of these aeons that you have been hiding from love, love is still here, it is still open, it is still waiting for your commitment, still waiting for you to say, ‘Yes, I give my life to the truth of love. I vow to let love live this life as it will, for better or worse, for richer or poorer.’
The love that you search for everywhere is already present within you.
It may be evoked by any number of people or events. A mountain can evoke this love. A sunset can evoke this love.
But finally, you must realize you are this love. The source of all love is within you.
My teacher told me to stop where you are, just stop. That is really, basically what I offer you. I guarantee that if you are willing to investigate for yourself, you’ll find, in the heart of the matter, peace.
There may be pain right before the moment of investigation, and there may be disbelief or denial of what’s found. But if there’s a willingness to stop following any thought, you will find even deeper peace and fulfillment.
Finally, you will recognize you are discovering the truth of who you are. You are not really finding peace and fulfillment, those are just the byproducts. You are finding yourself.
What is always here is here now. What is always here is the only thing that is permanent. If you want anything else, you want something that will disappear someday.
So it is very wise to want what is always here. Then you want yourself.”
This week, whatever our personal journey, may our hearts be open, or may they crack open. May our eyes hear and our ears see. May we have a greater sense of what is true and everlasting. May we know love.
You’re broken down and tired Of living life on a merry go round And you can’t find the fighter But I see it in you so we gonna walk it out And move mountains We gonna walk it out And move mountains
And I’ll rise up I’ll rise like the day I’ll rise up I’ll rise unafraid I’ll rise up And I’ll do it a thousand times again And I’ll rise up High like the waves I’ll rise up In spite of the ache I’ll rise up And I’ll do it a thousand times again
For you For you For you For you
When the silence isn’t quiet And it feels like it’s getting hard to breathe And I know you feel like dying But I promise we’ll take the world to its feet And move mountains Bring it to its feet And move mountains
And I’ll rise up I’ll rise like the day I’ll rise up I’ll rise unafraid I’ll rise up And I’ll do it a thousand times again
For you For you For you For you
All we need, all we need is hope And for that we have each other And for that we have each other And we will rise We will rise We’ll rise, oh, oh We’ll rise
I’ll rise up Rise like the day I’ll rise up In spite of the ache I will rise a thousand times again And we’ll rise up High like the waves We’ll rise up In spite of the ache We’ll rise up And we’ll do it a thousand times again
During this strange time in history, I noticed y’all were tackling all sorts of interesting projects. I decided I needed one, too—something positive to remember the pandemic of 2020 by.
I decided to pay attention to something I had abandoned…
Nope, I’m not cleaning my garage. I am not organizing one single thing. I’m not planting a garden or cleaning up my yard.
Instead, I decided to take care of myself better. This, folks, has made all the difference for me.
With relatively little time and effort on my part, I feel so much better than I did a month ago.
On March 30, I got on the exercise bike and the yoga mat for the first time in a long time, and did 30 minutes each. I liked it so much that I decided to do it every day. But I fell short of that, and changed my commitment to every other day, which felt more manageable, reasonable, and doable.
I also get off the bike after every song, take a couple of sips of water, shake out my legs and arms for a few seconds, and get back on. This makes the bike project a reasonable proposition, too.
Daily walks of any length—by myself, or with my little guy, Jackson—are a fresh air bonus.
My recumbent exercise bike has pulleys to work my upper body while I pedal, which gets my heart rate up fast, and also helps my whole-body strength. It feels good to get up from writing, or doing a consulting session with a client, to do something physically challenging while listening to good music.
After only a month, I feel a sheet of muscles on the front of me I haven’t felt for a very, very long time. Goodness gracious. Who knew they were there. I’ll be posting rippling ab photos soon, I’m sure.
I have no idea what the scales have to say about my bike/yoga project—I don’t care. Paying attention to scales tends to send me sideways, and therefore, I’m ignoring them completely.
But—I LOVE the way I feel! Hang in there, everyone.
Sometimes we ask intimate partners to do for us what is actually ours to do.
We ask our partner to give us the reassurance, love or appreciation we feel is missing in ourselves, with the hope that they will give us what we’re asking for—and then we’ll feel better. They’ll take care of our problem.
But when they do give us what we’re asking for, it can never be enough, because we have insufficient context for what they’ve given. We haven’t build the inner foundation to receive it, hear it, welcome it, believe it. They try to help, but their love for us falls into our void, our black hole, our love bucket with no bottom.
As always, there’s hope. Check out the video below.