Posts Tagged ‘life partner’

Why The Challenge of A Partner Is Truly Good For Us

yoga 3

Written for In Care of Relationships by Terri Crosby

I go to Yoga Class twice a week, because it works.  If I do yoga at home, I get distracted. 

My distraction excuse is that it’s hardly ever quiet at my house.  Eric works from home and talks on the phone.  UPS comes to the door, the dog barks, I hear a text come in, or — hey, it rains.  When it rains, I might have to close the doors to the deck because the water is splashing in, or pull a couple of already wet potted plants out from under the downpour.  Or maybe getting up to handle the plants reminds me that the laundry is going or I think to myself, “I should put the quinoa on to cook or the chicken in the oven so we can eat dinner.” 

Whatever!  Anything will do, and it’s not one thing, it’s many little things.

So leaving the house for my Yoga Class really works.  I concentrate.  My phone is off.  I get on my mat. 

And most importantly, there’s my teacher Lynn Edgar at the Brightwater Yoga Studio, showing me what to do and encouraging me to do it.

And guess what?  I do my very best to follow her.

She asks me to do things I would never do at home.  She encourages me to hold a pose much longer than I would on my own.  And it’s not only OK with me — I’m really happy that she asks, and I’m happy to do it.  It feels right and it helps me.

So Lynn is my challenging partner in my health and well-being.

She’s good for me.yellowspike1

If you were to contact me to do a consulting  session, I would be your challenging partner regarding your questions about life and relationships.  And you’d probably be happy with yourself when you were done! 

I’d ask you to hold a pose (investigate your point of view) a little longer, or in a different way than you might have on your own. 

And you know how a good yoga teacher gives instructions, and then walks around the room and gently adjusts her students? 

It makes all the difference! 

I do that, too.  I help you tweak your position (point of view) so that it feels better as you hold it. 

Ahhhh!  Now that’s better!

YOUR CHALLENGING PARTNER

And your partner — that wonderful, awful, challenging, irritating, loving person you live with, work with, or birthed — they do this, too.

In a recent session, one of my clients was hurt about something her former partner said to her after they broke up. 

She asked him how he was doing and he replied that since he moved out, things were less stressful for him.

On the outside, she tried to keep her calm as she heard his words.

On the inside, however, she went through the emotional roof!  She took his comment very personally. 

So, just like in yoga class, White Orchid3Centerwhen the instructor introduces a pose, and inside I’m saying, “OMG” or “Oh, I don’t think so,” my client’s partner handed her a post-relationship challenge.

And at first, she said, “NO WAY!”

The way she heard him, she felt criticized.  So I helped her tweak her position, and then she went “Ahh.  That’s better.”

Here’s the thing.  When we sign up for a partnership — with a child, parent, lover — we sign up for everything that goes with it, do we not? 

So, if anything needs tweaking, it is probably not our partner, but our own reaction to our partner. 

And guaranteed, our partners will hand us challenges on a silver platter sooner or later.  My client felt criticized — that was the position she was holding.  It hurt, so we adjusted her position, not her partner’s.

The bottom line:  If something hurts in yoga or relationships, my position needs tweaking, not the other person’s. 

In either case, if I hurt, I’m out of alignment. 

HOW DOES ALIGNMENT TRANSLATE TO A RELATIONSHIP?

In a relationship, things hurt if I’m out of alignment with who I am.   Things hurt if the way I’m looking at something is not ultimately true.  Maybe the window I’m looking through is just too small.  Maybe I can’t see how to appreciate this situation, so I complain or rail against it.

In these unaligned moments you might say I’ve lost myself.  This is why most people leave a relationship or get divorced.  It’s often not that the situation is so impossible.  It’s that we have not found a way to continue to be fully ourselves in the face of a certain set of circumstances.

So my pain, my suffering, my irritation — this is my signal that I’m out of alignment with how my Inner Being thinks about the situation.  And my Inner Being is the most loving, all-knowing part of me. 

My Inner Being is a big, open thinker, and never even considers trying to change another person.  My Inner Being simply aligns with what is true and waits for me to join. 

Because you signed up for this relationship you’re in, you automatically checked the little “Terms and Conditions” box.  In the fine print, it says, “I promise to learn from this experience…”

So my partners in relationship — sister, brother, mother, child, co-worker, lover — Ahhh!  The best alignment teachers EVER!

 

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Rise Up by Andra Day

What a great set of words for these oncoming days.

Rise Up

 
You’re broken down and tired
Of living life on a merry go round
And you can’t find the fighter
But I see it in you so we gonna walk it out
And move mountains
We gonna walk it out
And move mountains
And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
And I’ll rise up
High like the waves
I’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
When the silence isn’t quiet
And it feels like it’s getting hard to breathe
And I know you feel like dying
But I promise we’ll take the world to its feet
And move mountains
Bring it to its feet
And move mountains
And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
All we need, all we need is hope
And for that we have each other
And for that we have each other
And we will rise
We will rise
We’ll rise, oh, oh
We’ll rise
I’ll rise up
Rise like the day
I’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
I will rise a thousand times again
And we’ll rise up
High like the waves
We’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
We’ll rise up
And we’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
Ah, ah, ah, ah
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Cassandra Monique Batie / Jennifer Decilveo
Rise Up lyrics © BMG Rights Management

Terri’s book of photography combined with poetry is here! 100 Words: Small Servings of Whimsy and Wisdom to Calm the Mind and Nourish the Heart.

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Rippling Abs, Anyone?

Rippling Abs, Anyone?

During this strange time in history, I noticed y’all were tackling all sorts of interesting projects. I decided I needed one, too—something positive to remember the pandemic of 2020 by.
 
I decided to pay attention to something I had abandoned…
 
Nope, I’m not cleaning my garage. I am not organizing one single thing. I’m not planting a garden or cleaning up my yard.
 
Instead, I decided to take care of myself better. This, folks, has made all the difference for me.
 
With relatively little time and effort on my part, I feel so much better than I did a month ago.
 
On March 30, I got on the exercise bike and the yoga mat for the first time in a long time, and did 30 minutes each. I liked it so much that I decided to do it every day. But I fell short of that, and changed my commitment to every other day, which felt more manageable, reasonable, and doable.
 
I also get off the bike after every song, take a couple of sips of water, shake out my legs and arms for a few seconds, and get back on. This makes the bike project a reasonable proposition, too.
 
Daily walks of any length—by myself, or with my little guy, Jackson—are a fresh air bonus.
 
My recumbent exercise bike has pulleys to work my upper body while I pedal, which gets my heart rate up fast, and also helps my whole-body strength. It feels good to get up from writing, or doing a consulting session with a client, to do something physically challenging while listening to good music.
 
After only a month, I feel a sheet of muscles on the front of me I haven’t felt for a very, very long time. Goodness gracious. Who knew they were there. I’ll be posting rippling ab photos soon, I’m sure.
 
I have no idea what the scales have to say about my bike/yoga project—I don’t care. Paying attention to scales tends to send me sideways, and therefore, I’m ignoring them completely.
 
But—I LOVE the way I feel! Hang in there, everyone.
 

Terri’s book of photography combined with poetry is here! 100 Words: Small Servings of Whimsy and Wisdom to Calm the Mind and Nourish the Heart.

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Check Out This Troublemaker in Relationships

Check Out This Troublemaker in Relationships

Sometimes we ask intimate partners to do for us what is actually ours to do.

We ask our partner to give us the reassurance, love or appreciation we feel is missing in ourselves, with the hope that they will give us what we’re asking for—and then we’ll feel better. They’ll take care of our problem.

But when they do give us what we’re asking for, it can never be enough, because we have insufficient context for what they’ve given. We haven’t build the inner foundation to receive it, hear it, welcome it, believe it. They try to help, but their love for us falls into our void, our black hole, our love bucket with no bottom.

As always, there’s hope. Check out the video below.

Terri Crosby. http://www.incareofrelationships.com/.

Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

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Terri Crosby

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