Posts Tagged ‘In Care of Relationships’

Recipe for Holiday Peace.

Recipe for Holiday Peace

Ingredients:

  • 1 large bunch of cold, dry, dark weather.
  • 1 large bunch of spring-like weather.
  • 1 small bunch of Jingle Bells.
  • A touch of anticipation.

Pour both kinds of weather into a large bowl. Add jingle bells and anticipation and mix well. The result will be confusing, but proceed with confidence.

Mix in:

  • 10 cups of busy. Any variety will do.
  • A few leaves of tradition.
  • 1 dusting each of longing for times past and wishing for a brighter, happier now.
  • A dash of Hope, a heaping tablespoon of Faith, and several large spoonfuls of Love.

Stir well and let flavors mingle.

Add all at once:

  • Five drops of scent of pine.
  • A few drops of loneliness… due to those who will not be at your table this year for one reason or another.
  • 1 heaping cup each of red, green, blue, silver and gold.
  • 2 overflowing cups of effervescence.
  • 3 cups of glitteriest-glitter. Throw it everywhere, and whatever makes it into the bowl, good for you.
  • 1 collection of interesting relatives and friends around a large table — eating, drinking and discussing the state of the world (or not).
  • Three small pinches of obligation. What you’re expected to do, should do, always do, thought you should do, agreed to do, must do, planned to do, don’t want to do, were asked to do.
  • A toss of fantasy, perhaps the one about escaping to a quiet villa with a handsome, kind chef/real estate magnate/comedian/wise man for three months on short notice.

Mix well over a nearby hearth fire. Then stop everything. Let the mixture rest while you pour a glass of sparkly. Put your feet up. By the fire. Go ahead, drink your sparkly. Feel warm and appreciative. Fantasize about the chef/quiet villa idea.

When you’re good and ready, add:

  • Prayers. Your kind. For what’s important to you.
  • Heavenly sleep. As often as possible, yield to the desire to crawl under the covers.
  • These wise words from Henry Wadsworth Longfellow: “…the best thing one can do when it’s raining is to let it rain.”
  • Singing. Any kind. Any time. Any place. If you get too worried, if you get lost, if you get broken, The Wood Brothers can help you.

And last but not least. With gusto and reverence add:

  • A generous splash of Mother Nature while gushing about her beauty.
  • Five scoops of your strength.
  • Seven scoops of your flexibility.
  • Ten scoops of your wisdom.
  • Your boundless love.

Stir well, add any available candles and poinsettias — and don’t forget the mistletoe! Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

May All Good Angels be with you this Holiday season!

P.S.  My book of poetry, “100 Words: Small Servings of Whimsy and Wisdom to Calm the Mind and Nourish The Heart” will be ready soon (in time for Holiday gift-giving) and I’ll let you know the moment it’s available.

Over the Holidays, I’ll be editing my second book about Relationships to be published early next year.

My blog will be back in January! In the meantime, Ho, Ho, Ho!

 

 

 

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Disappearing Acts.

DISAPPEARING ACTS

These days, moments seem wispy

around the edges. Time sways.

Something’s gone from where it was

and I’m pretty sure I didn’t move it.

 

Of course, one cannot be sure.

There are no cameras.

No witnesses, really, no mice in the corner

shaking their little gray heads.

 

No flutter of butterflies, either, is moving

thoughts or things in moments when attention

floats, when the fluff of life rolls gently

across the empty prairie.

 

So tell me.

 

Where did the directions go? The printer ink?

The glass of water that only moments ago

was in my hand? And how did my office door

swing open in the silence just now all by itself?

 

Surely there’s an explanation for such movement.

Parallel realities? Teleportation gone rogue?

An invasion of invisible alien crickets

sneaking about, rearranging the flowers?

 

Or could it be that in absent moments

we’re swathed in the silk of sweet nothings

from angels or muses, or skinny-dipping

in wisdom on the other side.

 

Do these out of body moments play

with time and attention to elevate us,

bring knowledge within  — up — to soothe the soul,

give wings to worn out worries?  

 

Does the runaway thought, the lost spoon,

the sudden inspiration suggest a spiritual touchdown?

Or is it a reprieve?

A welcome pillow for the far-flung  mind?

 

In timeouts, are we exploring faraway places,

visiting distant shores

luxuriating in the soothing sunshine

of Universal love?

 

Yes, I’m sure that’s it.

 

 

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12 Reasons Mary Loves Ted That Will Cause You To Smile

I met and spent time with actor Ted Danson on several occasions in the early 80’s, before he landed the role of Sam Malone on Cheers (the first episode aired September 30, 1982).

At the time I knew him, he was married to his first wife. My husband and I spent a few days with Ted and family along the coast of California on a quiet getaway retreat. It was a lovely, luxurious weekend.

Because I enjoyed him so much, I’ve made it a point to keep track of him here and there over the years. Time passed and Ted and his first wife got divorced. In 1993, Ted Danson and Mary Steenburgen met on the set of the movie Pontiac Moon and married two years later.

One thing I deeply appreciate about true love between two people is that their love extends far beyond their connection with each other. Their love trickles out. Inspires. Gives hope. Is a living, breathing example of unfolding love that grows over the years.

For a little proof, I predict that Mary’s love for Ted will affect you. It will probably cause you to think about the people you love and why you love them.

Her love for Ted is clear and deeply delightful. She doesn’t keep it to herself. She expresses it.

Because of this, her love message will no doubt send a positive wave through you. Her love will affect how you walk into your day.

What a good thing.

Hopefully, Mary’s list of reasons for loving Ted will cause happy accidents of awareness far and wide, including that we might notice more love in our life today — where is it? For us, where does love live?

How does love grow with you, around you, through you?

With that, here’s what Mary said about Ted (from the November 19 issue of People Magazine, p. 153).

TWELVE THINGS I LOVE ABOUT TED

  1. I love what a deep thinker he is.
  2. He smells delicious.
  3. I love his profound kindness.
  4. He is the perfect combination of a wise old soul and a teenage idiot.
  5. He makes me laugh hard every day of my life.
  6. He has spent 20 years raising awareness about the world’s oceans. I love how he has stuck with it and the incredible tangible things that he has caused to happen that most people will never know.
  7. I love the strong jawbone.
  8. I’m proud of what a great actor he is and the joy people experience in working with him.
  9. I love how much he loves our family.
  10. I love that he unfailingly and enthusiastically celebrates every miracle of our life, large and small. The man doesn’t have a jaded bone in his body.
  11. I love that he is a feminist.
  12. I miss him when he leaves the room. I would literally sign up for 100 more lifetimes with him.

WHAT DOES TED SAY ABOUT MARY?

When asked to share his secret to a happy marriage Ted says, “I’m married to Mary Steenburgen.”

(Awww…. )

Enjoy your Thanksgiving week! Celebrate love everywhere!

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I Had Intended…

I had intended to publish my blog today.

But alas, the poem I’d really like to share with you keeps moving around, re-arranging itself.

Therefore, I will let it sit and publish it when it’s ready to settle down.

I have a feeling it will be worth the wait.

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This Is Water.

From time to time, I like to share writings from others, especially something that’s timely or something I couldn’t say in the way another might say it. I appreciate when people write with their unmistakably authentic voice, and this writer does.

David Foster Wallace was wildly brilliant, and also suffered from depression. He is known for his rather mind-blowing journalistic pieces, short stories and novels. He was best known for his second novel, Infinite Jest (1996), a sprawling undertaking with almost 1100 pages and 330 footnotes. His life-long battle with depression ended in 2008 when he took his own life. 

The following is an excerpt from his Kenyon Commencement Address, which he delivered on May 21, 2005 called “This Is Water.”

The speech is long, so I will cut and paste. In case you’d like to read the full transcript of his talk, here’s a link: David Foster Wallace Commencement Address.

 
*****
 

THIS IS WATER

 
As I’m sure you guys know by now, it is extremely difficult to stay alert and attentive, instead of getting hypnotized by the constant monologue inside your own head (may be happening right now). Twenty years after my own graduation, I have come gradually to understand that the liberal arts cliché about teaching you how to think is actually shorthand for a much deeper, more serious idea: learning how to think really means learning how to exercise some control over how and what you think. It means being conscious and aware enough to choose what you pay attention to and to choose how you construct meaning from experience. Because if you cannot exercise this kind of choice in adult life, you will be totally hosed. Think of the old cliché about quote the mind being an excellent servant but a terrible master.
 
This, like many clichés, so lame and unexciting on the surface, actually expresses a great and terrible truth. It is not the least bit coincidental that adults who commit suicide with firearms almost always
shoot themselves in: the head. They shoot the terrible master. And the truth is that most of these suicides are actually dead long before they pull the trigger.
 
And I submit that this is what the real, no bullshit value of your liberal arts education is supposed to be about: how to keep from going through your comfortable, prosperous, respectable adult life dead, unconscious, a slave to your head and to your natural default setting of being uniquely, completely, imperially alone day in and day out. That may sound like hyperbole, or abstract nonsense. Let’s get concrete. The plain fact is that you graduating seniors do not yet have any clue what “day in day out” really means. There happen to be whole, large parts of adult American life that nobody talks about in commencement speeches. One such part involves boredom, routine, and petty frustration. The parents and older folks here will know all too well what I’m talking about.
 
(He goes on to give detail-driven examples of “day in, day out.” You can read them, of course, using the link to the full speech above.)
 
“The thing is that, of course, there are totally different ways to think about these kinds of situations. In this traffic, all these vehicles stopped and idling in my way, it’s not impossible that some of these people in SUV’s have been in horrible auto accidents in the past, and now find driving so terrifying that their therapist has all but ordered them to get a huge, heavy SUV so they can feel safe enough to drive. Or that the Hummer that just cut me off is maybe being driven by a father whose little child is hurt or sick in the seat next to him, and he’s trying to get this kid to the hospital, and he’s in a bigger, more legitimate hurry than I am: it is actually I who am in HIS way.
 
Or I can choose to force myself to consider the likelihood that everyone else in the supermarket’s checkout line is just as bored and frustrated as I am, and that some of these people probably have harder, more tedious and painful lives than I do.
 
Again, please don’t think that I’m giving you moral advice, or that I’m saying you are supposed to think this way, or that anyone expects you to just automatically do it. Because it’s hard. It takes will and effort, and if you are like me, some days you won’t be able to do it, or you just flat out won’t want to.
 
But most days, if you’re aware enough to give yourself a choice, you can choose to look differently at this fat, dead-eyed, over-made-up lady who just screamed at her kid in the checkout line. Maybe she’s not usually like this. Maybe she’s been up three straight nights holding the hand of a husband who is dying of bone cancer. Or maybe this very lady is the low-wage clerk at the motor vehicle department, who just yesterday helped your spouse resolve a horrific, infuriating, red-tape problem through some small act of bureaucratic kindness. Of course, none of this is likely, but it’s also not impossible. It just depends what you want to consider. If you’re automatically sure that you know what reality is, and you are operating on your default setting, then you, like me, probably won’t consider possibilities that aren’t annoying and miserable. But if you really learn how to pay attention, then you will know there are other options. It will actually be within your power to experience a crowded, hot, slow, consumer-hell type situation as not only meaningful, but sacred, on fire with the same force that made the stars: love, fellowship, the mystical oneness of all things deep down.
 
Not that that mystical stuff is necessarily true. The only thing that’s capital-T True is that you get to decide how you’re gonna try to see it. This, I submit, is the freedom of a real education, of learning how to be well-adjusted. You get to consciously decide what has meaning and what doesn’t. You get to decide what to worship.
 
Because here’s something else that’s weird but true: in the day-to day trenches of adult life, there is actually no such thing as atheism. There is no such thing as not worshipping. Everybody worships. The only choice we get is what to worship. And the compelling reason for maybe choosing some sort of god or spiritual-type thing to worship– be it JC or Allah, be it YHWH or the Wiccan Mother Goddess, or the Four Noble Truths, or some inviolable set of ethical principles — is that pretty much anything else you worship will eat you alive. If you worship money and things, if they are where you tap real meaning in life, then you will never have enough, never feel you have enough. It’s the truth. Worship your body and beauty and sexual allure and you will always feel ugly. And when time and age start showing, you will die a million deaths before they finally grieve you. On one level, we all know this stuff already. It’s been codified as myths, proverbs, clichés, epigrams, parables; the skeleton of every great story. The whole trick is keeping the truth up front in daily consciousness.
 
Worship power, you will end up feeling weak and afraid, and you will need ever more power over others to numb you to your own fear. Worship your intellect, being seen as smart, you will end up feeling stupid, a fraud, always on the verge of being found out. But the insidious thing about these forms of worship is not that they’re evil or sinful, it’s that they’re unconscious. They are default settings.
 
They’re the kind of worship you just gradually slip into, day after day, getting more and more selective about what you see and how you measure value without ever being fully aware that that’s what you’re doing.
 
And the so-called real world will not discourage you from operating on your default settings, because the so-called real world of men and money and power hums merrily along in a pool of fear and anger and frustration and craving and worship of self. Our own present culture has harnessed these forces in ways that have yielded extraordinary wealth and comfort and personal freedom. The freedom to be lords of our tiny skull-sized kingdoms, alone at the center of all creation. This kind of freedom has
much to recommend it. But of course there are all different kinds of freedom, and the kind that is most precious you will not hear much talk about much in the great outside world of wanting and achieving. The really important kind of freedom involves attention and awareness and discipline, and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them over and over in myriad petty, unsexy ways every day.
 
That is real freedom. That is being educated, and understanding how to think. The alternative is unconsciousness, the default setting, the rat race, the constant gnawing sense of having had, and lost, some infinite thing.
 
I know that this stuff probably doesn’t sound fun and breezy or grandly inspirational the way a commencement speech is supposed to sound. What it is, as far as I can see, is the capital -T Truth, with a whole lot of rhetorical niceties stripped away. You are, of course, free to think of it whatever you wish. But please don’t just dismiss it as just some finger-wagging Dr. Laura sermon. None of this stuff is really about morality or religion or dogma or big fancy questions of life after death.
 
The capital -T Truth is about life BEFORE death.
 
It is about the real value of a real education, which has almost nothing to do with knowledge, and everything to do with simple awareness; awareness of what is so real and essential, so hidden in plain sight all around us, all the time, that we have to keep reminding ourselves over and over:
“This is water.”
“This is water.”
 
It is unimaginably hard to do this, to stay conscious and alive in the adult world day in and day out. Which means yet another grand cliché turns out to be true: your education really IS the job of a lifetime. And it commences: now.
 
I wish you way more than luck.
 
*****
 
Bless you all and may you have an aware and awake week.
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Terri Crosby

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