Posts Tagged ‘heart break’

Hearts Don’t Really Break. They Break Open.

Has your heart broken open at least once or twice this week?

Did it, at some point, burst open with happiness?

Or sadness?

Even anger? Followed eventually by other emotions or deeper understanding…

Did you witness something, think a thought or hear a conversation — and did you notice that taking it in required your heart to expand (yes, break open) to fully consider what you saw, thought, or heard?

How are you doing with this thing called daily living?

Are you awake and aware and feeling deeply?

My daughter and her husband are leaving Asheville soon and heading to northern California to pursue school and work. They are ready for a fresh start, more variety, more opportunity in a new environment. They said they’ve been “sleep walking” through the last couple of years, and are going to change things up. This good family stir-up has prompted me to ask more questions of myself about my average day. 

Am I open? Awake? Expanding?

Or am I on auto-pilot, and in the average day not much opens me up or changes (teaches) me? Am I sleep walking?

Do I care enough about being happy that I throw caution to the wind and do what I came here to do, today, in this moment?

Am I being myself, or am I being who someone else wants me to be or who I think I’m expected to be? Am I saying yes when “no” is my real answer? Or vice versa?

Am I growing older and staying the same?

Does your daily existence suit you?

I spoke to a woman recently who said she was “pretty done here on Planet Earth.” She said didn’t care how much longer she lived.

Yes, a strong statement.

She wasn’t thinking of taking her own life, not at all, but clearly, she was profoundly bored, and feeling limited. She was weary and wasted, done with her day-in, day-out — so over it!

She was, as poet Mary Oliver puts it, “breathing just a little and calling it a life.”

It’s no wonder she had closed the shutters of her heart.

When I believe Eric is “absent” there are times I’m sure I’ve closed the shutters of my heart, too, or that my tears signal a contraction of my heart, or the breaking of my heart, a shutting down, a lessening of light.

But, in truth, my tears don’t signal that.

My heart isn’t breaking. It’s breaking open.

Eric’s change is causing my expansion.

More directly, grief is an invitation to expand.

(In fact, every difficult emotion or transition is an invitation to expand.)

When I’m awake and aware about emotions rolling through me, I notice that fully experiencing a feeling — even if “negative” — actually feels expansive.

Even if I’m “on-my-knees” sad, feeling crushingly tender, if I am willing to feel what I’m feeling, there is a bursting open of my heart.

(Which I must say can sometimes be a little confusing…)

How am I breaking open?

I’m breaking open to understanding how to continue to love and be loved by someone I can’t see.

I’m learning how to be happy without the usual prompts.

How to accept (even celebrate) radical change.

How to move forward into new circumstances, creating a life with new people, new options.

BLESS THE WATER

Recently, I spent a couple days with two girlfriends at Lake Lure. It’s only an hour away, but it felt “away” and that was the idea.

The views around Lake Lure are grand (the opening photo is one view). There are steep mountains, expansive lake views and spectacular, wandering clouds. We ate dinner one evening looking up at Chimney Rock (photo at right).

At Lake Lure, the mountains hold you close, the lake smooths you out and relaxes you, and the generous clouds float by to pick up whatever you no longer need.

(How brilliant and supportive is this Mother Nature partner of ours?)

Being water babies for a few days sounded good to us and we went straight to the lake. The water was warm, the sun extra soft that day. As I swam, everything felt so good, so wonderfully sensual, that I felt an unexpected welling up of tears, right there in the middle of mothers and fathers tending to small children wearing water wings.

Even in that small moment, I broke open.

This is what I’m talking about here — that to feel fully what we’re feeling, we dive into the feeling rather than shy away from it. We crack open a little to allow more room for it, whether we’re experiencing pleasure, boredom or “I gotta get outa this place.”

Do you do this, too? How does this opening happen for you? What made you crack open and live a little more fully this week? How did your heart break open? Did you come upon a stuck place and let it free itself and blossom open?

Are you, too, growing older and becoming brand new?

 

 

Continue Reading

Rise Up by Andra Day

What a great set of words for these oncoming days.

Rise Up

 
You’re broken down and tired
Of living life on a merry go round
And you can’t find the fighter
But I see it in you so we gonna walk it out
And move mountains
We gonna walk it out
And move mountains
And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
And I’ll rise up
High like the waves
I’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
When the silence isn’t quiet
And it feels like it’s getting hard to breathe
And I know you feel like dying
But I promise we’ll take the world to its feet
And move mountains
Bring it to its feet
And move mountains
And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
All we need, all we need is hope
And for that we have each other
And for that we have each other
And we will rise
We will rise
We’ll rise, oh, oh
We’ll rise
I’ll rise up
Rise like the day
I’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
I will rise a thousand times again
And we’ll rise up
High like the waves
We’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
We’ll rise up
And we’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
Ah, ah, ah, ah
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Cassandra Monique Batie / Jennifer Decilveo
Rise Up lyrics © BMG Rights Management

Terri’s book of photography combined with poetry is here! 100 Words: Small Servings of Whimsy and Wisdom to Calm the Mind and Nourish the Heart.

Read more

Rippling Abs, Anyone?

Rippling Abs, Anyone?

During this strange time in history, I noticed y’all were tackling all sorts of interesting projects. I decided I needed one, too—something positive to remember the pandemic of 2020 by.
 
I decided to pay attention to something I had abandoned…
 
Nope, I’m not cleaning my garage. I am not organizing one single thing. I’m not planting a garden or cleaning up my yard.
 
Instead, I decided to take care of myself better. This, folks, has made all the difference for me.
 
With relatively little time and effort on my part, I feel so much better than I did a month ago.
 
On March 30, I got on the exercise bike and the yoga mat for the first time in a long time, and did 30 minutes each. I liked it so much that I decided to do it every day. But I fell short of that, and changed my commitment to every other day, which felt more manageable, reasonable, and doable.
 
I also get off the bike after every song, take a couple of sips of water, shake out my legs and arms for a few seconds, and get back on. This makes the bike project a reasonable proposition, too.
 
Daily walks of any length—by myself, or with my little guy, Jackson—are a fresh air bonus.
 
My recumbent exercise bike has pulleys to work my upper body while I pedal, which gets my heart rate up fast, and also helps my whole-body strength. It feels good to get up from writing, or doing a consulting session with a client, to do something physically challenging while listening to good music.
 
After only a month, I feel a sheet of muscles on the front of me I haven’t felt for a very, very long time. Goodness gracious. Who knew they were there. I’ll be posting rippling ab photos soon, I’m sure.
 
I have no idea what the scales have to say about my bike/yoga project—I don’t care. Paying attention to scales tends to send me sideways, and therefore, I’m ignoring them completely.
 
But—I LOVE the way I feel! Hang in there, everyone.
 

Terri’s book of photography combined with poetry is here! 100 Words: Small Servings of Whimsy and Wisdom to Calm the Mind and Nourish the Heart.

Read more

Check Out This Troublemaker in Relationships

Check Out This Troublemaker in Relationships

Sometimes we ask intimate partners to do for us what is actually ours to do.

We ask our partner to give us the reassurance, love or appreciation we feel is missing in ourselves, with the hope that they will give us what we’re asking for—and then we’ll feel better. They’ll take care of our problem.

But when they do give us what we’re asking for, it can never be enough, because we have insufficient context for what they’ve given. We haven’t build the inner foundation to receive it, hear it, welcome it, believe it. They try to help, but their love for us falls into our void, our black hole, our love bucket with no bottom.

As always, there’s hope. Check out the video below.

Terri Crosby. http://www.incareofrelationships.com/.

Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

Read more

Get in touch

Terri Crosby

Talk to me