Posts Tagged ‘feminine principle’

Does Improvement Ever Work Against Us? Part 1 of 2.

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Photo Credit — Joseph Sohm.

Written for In Care of Relationships by Terri Crosby

Today’s conversation about “improvement gone wrong” is a huge subject with high impact in relationships. 

Frankly, it could be considered a   s-p-r-a-w-l-i-n-g   subject.  Heck, it’s basically unwieldy.

But I’m going to give it a whirl. 

Some version of this topic comes up in practically every consulting session I do.  It also comes up in the daily news, in politics, in homes, churches and schools — everywhere, in all sorts of ways.  Therefore, I think talking about it here could be really helpful.  

So hang in there and do your best to keep an open mind — and tune in next week to take the Quiz in Part 2.  It will certainly make you think.  And I would love your feedback, so feel free to comment.

In this post, I am speaking — mostly — about women, because the majority of my clients are female.  But this subject is certainly not exclusive to females. 

However, in my experience, what I will highlight is more of a feminine tendency, and, of course men have a feminine aspect as well.  So I’m hanging this on “the feminine” aspect, but not on women, if that makes sense.  I’m attempting to simplify enough to make this a manageable and focused conversation.  Fair enough?

Why talk to women about improvement gone rogue?

There’s a good reason for that.

Because this type of improvement we are exploring is a woman’s arena.  It’s our skill, our passion.

There’s a really good thing women do. 

We beautify, improve, guide, garnish, shape up, nurture, cultivate, enhance and make better.

We do it all the time.  It’s our thing.  Women make the world a more beautiful place. 

In overly simplistic terms, we could say the feminine is inspired to beautify or make our environment aesthetically pleasing.  This creates ease and relaxation in us, and we like that a lot.  The masculine carries out the inspiration, puts muscle to it, and makes the idea physical.  

The feminine is receptive (receives inspiration) and the masculine builds it.  The masculine turns the vision into a building, a helpful gadget, water delivery system, and so on. 

Can women build?  Yep.  Can men be inspired?  Yep.  We all have both masculine and feminine in us.  Our personal balance of masculine and feminine helps make us the unique person we are. 

The Feminine Principle — Beautify.  Nurture.  Enhance.

Is the patio a little plain?  We add a potted plant or a flower.  Is the living room a little dull?  We brighten it up, freshen it up, add a pillow or a throw, or a whole new set of furniture.  Does the show need a little kick?  A little pizzazz?  We add choreography, special effects, or a humorous skit to make the audience happy.

We paint.  We add color.  We make life more visually pleasing.  We make our surroundings more beautiful, more pleasant.

We enhance.  It’s what we do.

But Can This Skill Get A Little Out Of Hand? 

Can the idea of improvement create problems?

Maybe.  Every good thing has an opposite.  So how could improvement possibly go wrong?

Simple. 

When we think we can improve someone else, or when we “know better” for them than they know for themselves…

…about their method of doing something.

…or who they are being.

…or what they should do.  What’s a legitimate profession?  Is school important?  How should you get your college degree?  What about a back up plan?  What’s “good enough?”

…how they should run their life, plan a wedding, raise children, or eat.

The downward spiral can happen when our own penchant for betterment gets all over someone else.  It happens when we think we know better — for someone else.  It might be that we offer advice when we’ve not been asked.  We inject our solution because we’re sure it will improve things.  Or we tell someone how to arrange his/her life or what to do.

We meddle.

We mean well.  We believe we’re giving advice that will help the other person.  We’re sure we have their best interests at heart.  But, when it comes right down to it, we meddle.

And then our meddling, well, you know… those we meddle with get upset, they walk away in a huff, vowing never to speak to us again.  They get mad.  They get irritated.  They don’t want to hear our good and well-meaning advice.   

And they shouldn’t have to.  Why?  Because the advice from you fits you better than them.  You know yourself better than anyone. 

“What-I-think-you-should-do” causes arguments, too, about little things like how to load the dishwasher.  And about big things like how to love, give attention or make happy.  It’s also where we might argue with our kids about what their priorities should be, what they should pay attention to or consider important, why they should stay in school, who to spend time with, or their eventual livelihood.

So how would you rate yourself in this area?  Want to find out?

Tune in next week to take the Meddling Quiz and then check out some solutions.

 

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Rise Up by Andra Day

What a great set of words for these oncoming days.

Rise Up

 
You’re broken down and tired
Of living life on a merry go round
And you can’t find the fighter
But I see it in you so we gonna walk it out
And move mountains
We gonna walk it out
And move mountains
And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
And I’ll rise up
High like the waves
I’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
When the silence isn’t quiet
And it feels like it’s getting hard to breathe
And I know you feel like dying
But I promise we’ll take the world to its feet
And move mountains
Bring it to its feet
And move mountains
And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
All we need, all we need is hope
And for that we have each other
And for that we have each other
And we will rise
We will rise
We’ll rise, oh, oh
We’ll rise
I’ll rise up
Rise like the day
I’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
I will rise a thousand times again
And we’ll rise up
High like the waves
We’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
We’ll rise up
And we’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
Ah, ah, ah, ah
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Cassandra Monique Batie / Jennifer Decilveo
Rise Up lyrics © BMG Rights Management

Terri’s book of photography combined with poetry is here! 100 Words: Small Servings of Whimsy and Wisdom to Calm the Mind and Nourish the Heart.

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Rippling Abs, Anyone?

Rippling Abs, Anyone?

During this strange time in history, I noticed y’all were tackling all sorts of interesting projects. I decided I needed one, too—something positive to remember the pandemic of 2020 by.
 
I decided to pay attention to something I had abandoned…
 
Nope, I’m not cleaning my garage. I am not organizing one single thing. I’m not planting a garden or cleaning up my yard.
 
Instead, I decided to take care of myself better. This, folks, has made all the difference for me.
 
With relatively little time and effort on my part, I feel so much better than I did a month ago.
 
On March 30, I got on the exercise bike and the yoga mat for the first time in a long time, and did 30 minutes each. I liked it so much that I decided to do it every day. But I fell short of that, and changed my commitment to every other day, which felt more manageable, reasonable, and doable.
 
I also get off the bike after every song, take a couple of sips of water, shake out my legs and arms for a few seconds, and get back on. This makes the bike project a reasonable proposition, too.
 
Daily walks of any length—by myself, or with my little guy, Jackson—are a fresh air bonus.
 
My recumbent exercise bike has pulleys to work my upper body while I pedal, which gets my heart rate up fast, and also helps my whole-body strength. It feels good to get up from writing, or doing a consulting session with a client, to do something physically challenging while listening to good music.
 
After only a month, I feel a sheet of muscles on the front of me I haven’t felt for a very, very long time. Goodness gracious. Who knew they were there. I’ll be posting rippling ab photos soon, I’m sure.
 
I have no idea what the scales have to say about my bike/yoga project—I don’t care. Paying attention to scales tends to send me sideways, and therefore, I’m ignoring them completely.
 
But—I LOVE the way I feel! Hang in there, everyone.
 

Terri’s book of photography combined with poetry is here! 100 Words: Small Servings of Whimsy and Wisdom to Calm the Mind and Nourish the Heart.

Read more

Check Out This Troublemaker in Relationships

Check Out This Troublemaker in Relationships

Sometimes we ask intimate partners to do for us what is actually ours to do.

We ask our partner to give us the reassurance, love or appreciation we feel is missing in ourselves, with the hope that they will give us what we’re asking for—and then we’ll feel better. They’ll take care of our problem.

But when they do give us what we’re asking for, it can never be enough, because we have insufficient context for what they’ve given. We haven’t build the inner foundation to receive it, hear it, welcome it, believe it. They try to help, but their love for us falls into our void, our black hole, our love bucket with no bottom.

As always, there’s hope. Check out the video below.

Terri Crosby. http://www.incareofrelationships.com/.

Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

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Terri Crosby

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