Posts Tagged ‘Elizabeth Gilbert’

Change, Change, Change! The Advice Giver Puts Herself To The Test

Chia Pomegranate Parfait

Last month, I made a personal change I didn’t plan to make at all, and would not in a million years have predicted. 

After reading one of the chapters in Dr. Christiane Northrup’s new book “Goddesses Never Age” about health (in particular the chapter on glycemic stress) I called a halt to my usual intake of grain, as a test trial, just to see what would happen.  You know, in the spirit of discovery and all!

In two days I felt different — more happy and steady.  And I thought to myself, “Wow!”  On the third day I was dancing inside and felt pretty much giddy about the whole thing.  On the fourth day, dancing outside began!  And on the 5th day, I missed bread and muffins terribly!!!  I felt a bit insane.  I’m not kidding!  It was a little sobering to say the least.  When you skip grains, and the sugar that often goes with it (toast and jam with my morning eggs, a brownie later) you’re really throwing the sugar baby out with the bathwater!  Apparently, I’m pretty hooked on sugar. 

It’s been about a month now, and I’m blown away by my vacation from grain.  Who knew?  I guess some of us get along better without the amber waves of grain. 

I had no idea this experiment would make such a speedy difference in how I feel.  Given that I’ve never made any attempt to avoid sandwiches, pizza, or muffins, I figured that figuring out how to eat without grain would be difficult, but it isn’t at all.  Go to this link on Bon Appetit.  There are ideas, recipes, and even encouragement.  And yes!  They have a cookbook!

Since then, I’ve had grain here and there.  I’m not crazy strict about it.  But I have eliminated my usual fall back choices, the choices I made out of habit, or because I was in a hurry, or because I knew I’d be bored without brown rice to go with the stir fry.  But the fact that I feel better keeps me going.  Feeling better is its own reward.  My energy is more steady and that means the world to me.  I’m a cleaner burning machine, still sputtering a bit, but cleaner. 

What’s interesting is that even after a month, I can still feel my body shifting gears (or is it my mind, ahem!) and I think that might continue for a while.  Not eating so much grain or sugar is quite a diet overhaul, for me at least.  I can tell you for sure that the big ship called “my eating habits” is still turning around — slowly, steadily, daily — and it requires vigilance.  This change in eating is about creating a different set of habits, standards and priorities.  That’s a big deal.

I do fine if I think in the direction of what I want (ease, delicious food, healthy body, feeling good) and what works for me vs. restriction.  How we think makes a big difference.  

This experiment reminds me of how people feel when they come to see me about relationships.  They describe their situation and say “please help me.”  They tell me how things are going and what they do now.  I make suggestions about how to do things differently if they want a different outcome.  And the difference between “what I’ve always done” and “what I could do instead” to enjoy new results comes front and center.

This week, author Elizabeth Gilbert wrote a Facebook post about how her book Big Magic changed her own life.  She joked that she wrote the book for her readers, not for herself.  She wrote the book to help others with their creativity, and it never occurred to her that her advice could help her as well.  As usual, the post is funny and well-written, in true Elizabeth style.  It will give you a good chuckle!  (thirty five hundred people liked it, you might, too!  :–)

It’s good when advice givers get that light bulb moment to walk their talk, don’t you think?  Or to give it a go on another subject, the one we’re not so expert in!  It’s easy for me to make changes in my relationships, ’cause I’ve practiced that.  (It wasn’t always easy.)  But now, it’s what I do well.  But my diet?  Not so easy!  But I’m hanging in there just fine, and learning as I go, I’m happy to report!

Thank you and hats off to all my clients, past and present, for being courageously focused and for making changes that weren’t exactly a piece of cake (so to speak) to make!  You’re so amazing!  You inspire me every day!

 

 

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To Hmong Women, Connecting Love and Marriage Is Laughable!

in love beachI’m reading “Committed” by Elizabeth Gilbert, who also wrote the book practically everyone in the world read —  “Eat, Pray, Love.”  In the early pages of “Committed” she describes meeting a group of Hmong women and asking questions about their culture, specifically about marriage. The Hmong people are an isolated ethnic minority, inhabiting the highest mountain peaks in Vietnam, Laos, China and Thailand. The interesting thing about these people is that they never really belong to the countries in which they live.  The Hmong are a free people and apparently you can’t tell them what to do, how to think, or where to go.  They are fiercely independent nomads, storytellers, warriors and anti-conformists. Elizabeth said being with the Hmong people gave her a very good idea of what “family” must have been like four thousand years ago.

A Funny Giant!

Elizabeth arranged a meeting with a village of women, and hired a young interpreter.  The women thought Elizabeth was funny and they broke out in peals of laughter at the sight of her.  Then they proceeded to put hats on her head, and gave her babies to hold  — all the while pointing at her and laughing. All of that hilarity was just fine with Elizabeth.  She realized that she was a giant, alien visitor from a foreign culture.  She decided that being their object of ridicule was the very least she could do in return for getting to know these women for a day. Here’s an interesting tidbit.Hmong girls In the Hmong culture, men and women spend very little time together. Yes, you have a spouse and you have sex with that spouse, and your money is tied with that spouse.  And it is even possible or likely that you love your spouse. But other than that, men and women go their separate ways during the day.  Men work and socialize with other men.  Women work and socialize with other women.

He’s Not The Center Of Your Life

If you are a Hmong woman, you don’t expect your husband to be the center of your life — your best friend,  the person you talk to, your intellectual equal, or someone who comforts you when you need it.  It doesn’t happen that way. Hmong women get their support and nourishment from other women.  Friendship and connection is everywhere.  All ages of women — sisters, mothers, aunties and grandmothers — do everything together.  it’s practically impossible for a Hmong women to be lonely, because all her best friends are an arms length away.  And when there is work to be done, many hands make light work. Interesting, huh? When Elizabeth asked the women “where did you meet your husband?”  Or “how did you fall in love,” the women  found her questions to be humorous.  But when Elizabeth finally asked “what’s the secret to a happy marriage” the women fell on the floor laughing.  She never really found out what was so funny to them about her questions, because (Elizabeth decided…) the way these women think and the way Elizabeth thinks were just too far apart.

No Connection

I’m giving you the short version, of course, and we’re talking about one single group of Hmong women for one single afternoon.  But Elizabeth came away from that experience  thinking that the Hmong people she met probably believe that romantic love and the actual reasons for marriage are not connected. Such a contrast to the American way of life! Whenever I read information about the traditions of another culture, past or present, I think to myself, “Wow.  There are so many ways of making anything work.” 

What’s Natural For You?

Your relationship just has to work for you and your partner.  You don’t have to model it after the American way, or what your family taught you, or by what anyone else thinks.  This I am very sure of. How would you change things up if you could?  What’s more natural to you than what you’re currently doing? Checking to see where you might be mentally or emotionally following convention rather than following your heart is worth your consideration. Compared to many people I know, Eric and I have  an unusually open and friendly relationship with all of our past relationships, including boyfriends, girlfriends, and Ex’s.  Whoa.  Really? Yes.

Do What Works For You

Eric is in business with his ex-wife.  They talk on the phone often.  He sees her and spends time with her at business events.  I love that he can do that and feels free to do that.  I support this fully. My ex- husband comes to visit, and sometimes even stays with us.  The two of us (me and my EX) went out to dinner last time he was here — without Eric.  I write to MacKenzie’s father on email.  I write to another gentleman I used to live with and we stay in touch.  In fact, he’s my therapist/consultant/coach. Eric loves that I do that and that I feel free to do that. Oh, believe me.  By many people’s marriage standards, both us would be in trouble immediately.  To some folks this “including the Ex thing and past boyfriend thing”  sounds downright weird and scary — like why in the world would we do THAT?  I mean that’s just asking for trouble, isn’t it? Many marriages would not tolerate this sort of thing.  You’d hear the gavel hit the table, and those past intimate connections would be forbidden, frowned upon.  At the very least, they would be suspect. But for us, it’s normal, effortless, surprisingly fun,  heart-expanding and contributes greatly to our relationship with each other. So that’s what we do. My philosophy:  Have it your way!  Find what works and do it.

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 Comments welcome.  To see where to comment, you have to SCROLL ON DOWN…. WAY DOWN.  Feel free to comment on this blog site.  I will approve your comment and you’ll see your comment posted a little later.  The comment approval process is an interim process which helps to avoid spam. WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR ON YOUR WEBSITE? PLEASE DO — JUST INCLUDE THIS COMPLETE BLURB In Care of Relationships with Terri Crosby– Tools For Creating Positive Momentum.  http://incareofrelationships.com Terri Crosby is a relationship mentor.  She helps you create life-affirming, ever-evolving, happier relationships with those you love.    She offers change-of-heart, change-of-mind perspectives to create great relationships.  If you are ready to take your relationship to the next level, you can sign up to be on the mailing list HERE.  To subscribe to her blog, go HERE.   Continue Reading

Rise Up by Andra Day

What a great set of words for these oncoming days.

Rise Up

 
You’re broken down and tired
Of living life on a merry go round
And you can’t find the fighter
But I see it in you so we gonna walk it out
And move mountains
We gonna walk it out
And move mountains
And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
And I’ll rise up
High like the waves
I’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
When the silence isn’t quiet
And it feels like it’s getting hard to breathe
And I know you feel like dying
But I promise we’ll take the world to its feet
And move mountains
Bring it to its feet
And move mountains
And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
All we need, all we need is hope
And for that we have each other
And for that we have each other
And we will rise
We will rise
We’ll rise, oh, oh
We’ll rise
I’ll rise up
Rise like the day
I’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
I will rise a thousand times again
And we’ll rise up
High like the waves
We’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
We’ll rise up
And we’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
Ah, ah, ah, ah
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Cassandra Monique Batie / Jennifer Decilveo
Rise Up lyrics © BMG Rights Management

Terri’s book of photography combined with poetry is here! 100 Words: Small Servings of Whimsy and Wisdom to Calm the Mind and Nourish the Heart.

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Rippling Abs, Anyone?

Rippling Abs, Anyone?

During this strange time in history, I noticed y’all were tackling all sorts of interesting projects. I decided I needed one, too—something positive to remember the pandemic of 2020 by.
 
I decided to pay attention to something I had abandoned…
 
Nope, I’m not cleaning my garage. I am not organizing one single thing. I’m not planting a garden or cleaning up my yard.
 
Instead, I decided to take care of myself better. This, folks, has made all the difference for me.
 
With relatively little time and effort on my part, I feel so much better than I did a month ago.
 
On March 30, I got on the exercise bike and the yoga mat for the first time in a long time, and did 30 minutes each. I liked it so much that I decided to do it every day. But I fell short of that, and changed my commitment to every other day, which felt more manageable, reasonable, and doable.
 
I also get off the bike after every song, take a couple of sips of water, shake out my legs and arms for a few seconds, and get back on. This makes the bike project a reasonable proposition, too.
 
Daily walks of any length—by myself, or with my little guy, Jackson—are a fresh air bonus.
 
My recumbent exercise bike has pulleys to work my upper body while I pedal, which gets my heart rate up fast, and also helps my whole-body strength. It feels good to get up from writing, or doing a consulting session with a client, to do something physically challenging while listening to good music.
 
After only a month, I feel a sheet of muscles on the front of me I haven’t felt for a very, very long time. Goodness gracious. Who knew they were there. I’ll be posting rippling ab photos soon, I’m sure.
 
I have no idea what the scales have to say about my bike/yoga project—I don’t care. Paying attention to scales tends to send me sideways, and therefore, I’m ignoring them completely.
 
But—I LOVE the way I feel! Hang in there, everyone.
 

Terri’s book of photography combined with poetry is here! 100 Words: Small Servings of Whimsy and Wisdom to Calm the Mind and Nourish the Heart.

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Check Out This Troublemaker in Relationships

Check Out This Troublemaker in Relationships

Sometimes we ask intimate partners to do for us what is actually ours to do.

We ask our partner to give us the reassurance, love or appreciation we feel is missing in ourselves, with the hope that they will give us what we’re asking for—and then we’ll feel better. They’ll take care of our problem.

But when they do give us what we’re asking for, it can never be enough, because we have insufficient context for what they’ve given. We haven’t build the inner foundation to receive it, hear it, welcome it, believe it. They try to help, but their love for us falls into our void, our black hole, our love bucket with no bottom.

As always, there’s hope. Check out the video below.

Terri Crosby. http://www.incareofrelationships.com/.

Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

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