If I treat myself well, treating others with love comes naturally. If I spend time doing what keeps me inspired and happy, it’s easier to support others in doing the same. It’s natural.
Why? Because radiating kindness inspires anyone who comes near.When others walk into your loving sphere of influence, they feel your emotional sunshine!
We’ve all had the experience of being with someone who speaks or sings with such kindness that we feel it immediately. Their words create a wave of love, which washed over us and through us, scooping up any tension and sending it right out of us as the wave passes through. If we were upset as we walked in, the wave generated by the other person softens us and bathes our cells in happy soup. Their wave says, “Come on in, the water’s fine.”
This happy cleansing also means that you, too, can do this anytime, anywhere. No special equipment required.
How do I criticize less and become more able to inspire others? If I do feel critical, how do I get over it and learn to do something else? What steps can I practice?
Give authentic positive feedback before asking someone for a different result than they are now producing. People are willing to risk changing themselves in an environment of approval, and they learn more quickly. The easy way to remember this idea is to say “Yes, and…” Approve first (say yes), then add (and here’s what I’m asking for).
Make a feedback sandwich for others (and remember to make one for yourself, too, whenyou need it.) The bread on either side of the filling is what’s going well (the good stuff), and the filling is what needs a tweak. The sandwich is 1) say good stuff. 2) Say what would work better. Make a request 3) Say more good stuff — why you have faith in them, what you love or appreciate about them. The sandwich idea can work with spouses, employees, children, and yourself.
Be the change you seek. If you have a generously positive attitude about yourself, it often makes people laugh. It leaves them in wonder, “that’s outrageous, how does she do that?!?” People are both amazed and encouraged if you make a giant goof and you don’t take it seriously. It means they don’t need to feel bad, either, which is a relief.
Or let’s say something you designed went belly up and you shake it off and start again while telling a joke. Any of your “take it in stride” actions inspires them to let go of criticism of themselves. Most of us are looking for reasons to be nicer to ourselves, and we don’t really know how or even think we should! Being an example helps others remember.
You’re broken down and tired Of living life on a merry go round And you can’t find the fighter But I see it in you so we gonna walk it out And move mountains We gonna walk it out And move mountains
And I’ll rise up I’ll rise like the day I’ll rise up I’ll rise unafraid I’ll rise up And I’ll do it a thousand times again And I’ll rise up High like the waves I’ll rise up In spite of the ache I’ll rise up And I’ll do it a thousand times again
For you For you For you For you
When the silence isn’t quiet And it feels like it’s getting hard to breathe And I know you feel like dying But I promise we’ll take the world to its feet And move mountains Bring it to its feet And move mountains
And I’ll rise up I’ll rise like the day I’ll rise up I’ll rise unafraid I’ll rise up And I’ll do it a thousand times again
For you For you For you For you
All we need, all we need is hope And for that we have each other And for that we have each other And we will rise We will rise We’ll rise, oh, oh We’ll rise
I’ll rise up Rise like the day I’ll rise up In spite of the ache I will rise a thousand times again And we’ll rise up High like the waves We’ll rise up In spite of the ache We’ll rise up And we’ll do it a thousand times again
During this strange time in history, I noticed y’all were tackling all sorts of interesting projects. I decided I needed one, too—something positive to remember the pandemic of 2020 by.
I decided to pay attention to something I had abandoned…
Nope, I’m not cleaning my garage. I am not organizing one single thing. I’m not planting a garden or cleaning up my yard.
Instead, I decided to take care of myself better. This, folks, has made all the difference for me.
With relatively little time and effort on my part, I feel so much better than I did a month ago.
On March 30, I got on the exercise bike and the yoga mat for the first time in a long time, and did 30 minutes each. I liked it so much that I decided to do it every day. But I fell short of that, and changed my commitment to every other day, which felt more manageable, reasonable, and doable.
I also get off the bike after every song, take a couple of sips of water, shake out my legs and arms for a few seconds, and get back on. This makes the bike project a reasonable proposition, too.
Daily walks of any length—by myself, or with my little guy, Jackson—are a fresh air bonus.
My recumbent exercise bike has pulleys to work my upper body while I pedal, which gets my heart rate up fast, and also helps my whole-body strength. It feels good to get up from writing, or doing a consulting session with a client, to do something physically challenging while listening to good music.
After only a month, I feel a sheet of muscles on the front of me I haven’t felt for a very, very long time. Goodness gracious. Who knew they were there. I’ll be posting rippling ab photos soon, I’m sure.
I have no idea what the scales have to say about my bike/yoga project—I don’t care. Paying attention to scales tends to send me sideways, and therefore, I’m ignoring them completely.
But—I LOVE the way I feel! Hang in there, everyone.
Sometimes we ask intimate partners to do for us what is actually ours to do.
We ask our partner to give us the reassurance, love or appreciation we feel is missing in ourselves, with the hope that they will give us what we’re asking for—and then we’ll feel better. They’ll take care of our problem.
But when they do give us what we’re asking for, it can never be enough, because we have insufficient context for what they’ve given. We haven’t build the inner foundation to receive it, hear it, welcome it, believe it. They try to help, but their love for us falls into our void, our black hole, our love bucket with no bottom.
As always, there’s hope. Check out the video below.