Posts Tagged ‘complicated relationship’

Three Surprising And Easy Steps To Help You Get What You Need — Simple Is Good!

Photo Credit -- Joseph Sohm.

Photo Credit — Joseph Sohm.

Written for In Care of Relationships by Terri Crosby

Personal problems are never really all that complicated. 

Why?

Because one great big hunka-chunka problem is really a multi-faceted expression of one belief or operating premise.  It’s actually very simple.

In a recent short Video Blog called “Are Relationships Complicated?” I explore this principle of simplification, and how one issue might be expressing itself in several places in our day to day living.  I spoke about the efficiency of taking care of one issue, and Voila!  Suddenly other versions clear up as well. 

The trick is to find the chunky pieces that govern the current details of your life.  (Yep, that’s my specialty.)  Together we find one issue affecting many other situations.  And then another, and so on.

Here’s An Example

Recently, I was helping a client who was preventing herself from making some important and needed changes.  She wanted to find a new place to live, but every time she thought about moving, she was instantly overwhelmed.  She would worry about the details — how to move everything, who would help her, what would the new costs be, and of course, where in the world would she go?

It was a mental scramble.

It stressed her out.

Step One

So I helped her take her attention off the details of where to go and how (for now), and let that part evolve while she put her full attention in another more helpful place.   

I asked her to tell me the essence of what she was looking for in her new location.

She said she wanted to feel happy and stable — especially stable.  She said she wanted to enjoy her day-to-day existence.   Where she lived or what she lived in didn’t matter so much — she could be happy in a lot of different environments, or housing options, such as a cabin, a mansion, a tropical hut, or a house. 

But it needed to feel stable.

Step Two

Second, I asked her to start noticing how that essence of stability was showing up in her life life in other areas. 

She thought about it for a moment. 

She answered slowly and thoughtfully.  She felt stable in her job, and she liked that.  She went on to say she felt stable in her car, in her relationships with friends.  She felt stable confidence participating in certain sports, or when she walked, climbed, or ran.  She continued to list quite a few other places she felt stable, no matter how small they were. 

I told her that this would help attune her to the feeling of stability in housing as well, and that something that matched her consistent feeling of stability would come to her. 

That’s how it works!

Step Three

The third step is to start enjoying the results of your focus on the essence of what you’re looking for.  If you’re looking for more fun in your relationship, find fun in other places during your day — at the supermarket, you notice a mother and son interacting and laughing.  You go for a bike ride and notice a new puppy and his owner goofing around, playing and loving it.  At the stoplight, you catch the eye of another driver so you can change lanes in front of him.  The loud and wonderful music on his radio ushers you on your way as he smiles and gestures for you to go for it.

This noticing increases the momentum towards where you want to go.

In the example with my client, her results began to roll in.  She moved across many states, got a business loan and started an online business.  She also went back to work on her advanced degree which she had always wanted to do, and was able to hire movers to pack and move her belongings.  She started a brand new life.

Tweet: To improve anything more quickly, get better at separating what you want from how it will happen via @terricosby

To improve anything more quickly, get better at separating what you want from how it will happen.

Go forth good readers, and focus on the essence of what you’re seeking!  Notice aspects of it everywhere, and then watch what shows up on your new horizons!

 

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Rise Up by Andra Day

What a great set of words for these oncoming days.

Rise Up

 
You’re broken down and tired
Of living life on a merry go round
And you can’t find the fighter
But I see it in you so we gonna walk it out
And move mountains
We gonna walk it out
And move mountains
And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
And I’ll rise up
High like the waves
I’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
When the silence isn’t quiet
And it feels like it’s getting hard to breathe
And I know you feel like dying
But I promise we’ll take the world to its feet
And move mountains
Bring it to its feet
And move mountains
And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
All we need, all we need is hope
And for that we have each other
And for that we have each other
And we will rise
We will rise
We’ll rise, oh, oh
We’ll rise
I’ll rise up
Rise like the day
I’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
I will rise a thousand times again
And we’ll rise up
High like the waves
We’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
We’ll rise up
And we’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
Ah, ah, ah, ah
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Cassandra Monique Batie / Jennifer Decilveo
Rise Up lyrics © BMG Rights Management

Terri’s book of photography combined with poetry is here! 100 Words: Small Servings of Whimsy and Wisdom to Calm the Mind and Nourish the Heart.

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Rippling Abs, Anyone?

Rippling Abs, Anyone?

During this strange time in history, I noticed y’all were tackling all sorts of interesting projects. I decided I needed one, too—something positive to remember the pandemic of 2020 by.
 
I decided to pay attention to something I had abandoned…
 
Nope, I’m not cleaning my garage. I am not organizing one single thing. I’m not planting a garden or cleaning up my yard.
 
Instead, I decided to take care of myself better. This, folks, has made all the difference for me.
 
With relatively little time and effort on my part, I feel so much better than I did a month ago.
 
On March 30, I got on the exercise bike and the yoga mat for the first time in a long time, and did 30 minutes each. I liked it so much that I decided to do it every day. But I fell short of that, and changed my commitment to every other day, which felt more manageable, reasonable, and doable.
 
I also get off the bike after every song, take a couple of sips of water, shake out my legs and arms for a few seconds, and get back on. This makes the bike project a reasonable proposition, too.
 
Daily walks of any length—by myself, or with my little guy, Jackson—are a fresh air bonus.
 
My recumbent exercise bike has pulleys to work my upper body while I pedal, which gets my heart rate up fast, and also helps my whole-body strength. It feels good to get up from writing, or doing a consulting session with a client, to do something physically challenging while listening to good music.
 
After only a month, I feel a sheet of muscles on the front of me I haven’t felt for a very, very long time. Goodness gracious. Who knew they were there. I’ll be posting rippling ab photos soon, I’m sure.
 
I have no idea what the scales have to say about my bike/yoga project—I don’t care. Paying attention to scales tends to send me sideways, and therefore, I’m ignoring them completely.
 
But—I LOVE the way I feel! Hang in there, everyone.
 

Terri’s book of photography combined with poetry is here! 100 Words: Small Servings of Whimsy and Wisdom to Calm the Mind and Nourish the Heart.

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Check Out This Troublemaker in Relationships

Check Out This Troublemaker in Relationships

Sometimes we ask intimate partners to do for us what is actually ours to do.

We ask our partner to give us the reassurance, love or appreciation we feel is missing in ourselves, with the hope that they will give us what we’re asking for—and then we’ll feel better. They’ll take care of our problem.

But when they do give us what we’re asking for, it can never be enough, because we have insufficient context for what they’ve given. We haven’t build the inner foundation to receive it, hear it, welcome it, believe it. They try to help, but their love for us falls into our void, our black hole, our love bucket with no bottom.

As always, there’s hope. Check out the video below.

Terri Crosby. http://www.incareofrelationships.com/.

Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

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Terri Crosby

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