SUMMER SHORTS: What You Don’t Realize About Change Can Slow You Down.

Summer Shorts is a weekly short-read in honor of the season, to convey ideas about relationships and life in the blink of an eye.

Deliberate change requires more than a sprinkle of our attention.

Making changes asks for all of who we are, everything we’ve got. We must pay attention. We must do things we’ve never done before. We must wake up where we were once asleep.

Making a change changes every part of us.

To shift, I must actually become the person who can perform a new action (make easy meals for myself), express a new quality (remain kind under stress), develop a skill (sing for a live audience) or be relaxed and confident (in the highly emotional atmosphere where I work).

To change, I must become the person who thinks and feels in a way that matches what I’m asking for.

Let’s all pause for a deep breath here. Change requires a great deal. Being who you are now (staying the same) is deeply rooted, even more than you might realize.

Physical body processes that help memorize a rote task are certainly a handy feature when learning to play a bassoon. But these same processes create challenges when it comes to changing a habit, a pattern of thought, or a way of being with myself or my partner.

You probably don’t realize how automated you are. Every part of your system works together to learn a process and remember how to do it.

Researcher Joe Dispenza says, “This means that for those of us over 35, we have memorized a select set of behaviors, attitudes, beliefs, emotional reactions, habits, skills, associative memories, conditioned responses, and perceptions that are now subconsciously programmed within us. Those programs are running us, because the body has become the mind. This means that we will think the same thoughts, feel the same feelings, react in identical ways, behave in the same manner, believe the same dogmas, and perceive reality the same ways. About 95 percent of who we are by midlife is a series of subconscious programs that have become automatic—driving a car, brushing our teeth, overeating when we’re stressed, worrying about our future, judging our friends, complaining about our lives, blaming our parents, not believing in ourselves, and insisting on being chronically unhappy, just to name a few.” Joe Dispenza, Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself: How to Lose Your Mind and Create a New One

The next time you feel stuck in your life, remember that changes require new choices. What is one small thing you can do today that will make your life better, according to you? Do that. Stick with that one thing and see where that leads you. I predict that the results will surprise you.

Making any change ushers us into the unknown, which is where magic happens. How ever your change experiment turns out, I’d love to hear about it!

Image by Jill Wellington from Pixabay

Tags: , , , , , ,

Trackback from your site.

Terri Crosby

Helping you create life-affirming, ever-evolving, happier relationships with those you love. Follow me on twitter at@TerriCrosby or read myblog.

Comments (4)

  • Avatar

    Jane Snyder

    |

    “Change is the constant!” Sometimes you choose it. Sometimes, well, for better or worse, it chooses you. Who would EVER choose cancer, a change that is so profound, it’s not even possible to grasp? But therein lies the opportunity. So I am working now to “Stick” with (and return to again and again) the gifts that lie within a life-change that I never chose. But despite the suffering, cancer, I have discovered, is not all bad. Really! (You know all about this journey.) And therein lies the gift. If one can remain open to the possibility, there is expansion of gratitude, broadened awareness of how loved we are, astonishment at how resilient the heart and soul can be, acknowledgement of the strength and persistence of the physical body and more that I have yet to discover. Now, more than ever, I need my closest loved ones to hold my hand through it all. The shift is in the reaching……

    Reply

    • Avatar

      Terri Crosby

      |

      Jane, what a beautiful note from you. Gifts are everywhere, all the time, if we have the ears to hear and the eyes and heart to see, and clearly, you do. I’m reading a book right now by Father Gregory Boyle, a Jesuit priest whose life and livelihood is smack in the middle of opposing Latino gangs in LA. Father Boyle is the founder of Homeboy Industries, who employs gang members, specifically to give them a way out of violence and desperation. He has done hundreds of funerals for gang members in his time there. He tells story after story of how there’s redemption in everything, that one light will change even overwhelming darkness and that love is everywhere. Thank you for expressing your thoughts. I’ll be in touch.

      Reply

  • Avatar

    shiner

    |

    Ah the magic, yes that is the reward we we step out of our box.!

    Reply

    • Avatar

      Terri Crosby

      |

      New dance, the out-of-the-box step :–))). Love you!

      Reply

Leave a comment

She’s Got Love Fingers

Christie Lenee can play a guitar. She’s the 2017 International Finger Style Guitar Champion of the Year. In September of last year in London, she also won Acoustic Guitarist of the Year.

But lucky for us, she’s not just a champion guitar player. Christie Lenee is also quite the composer.

A friend of hers, Michael Pukac, requested that she write a song, one he described as “the story of love.” She scribbled notes and went to work.

Through Christie’s ability to imagine, his desire became music. Now she plays this song for the world with her love fingers. Lucky you, lucky me, lucky us.

Take very good care of yourself this week. Why not sing a little…

Love,

Terri

Read more

Rise Up by Andra Day

What a great set of words for these oncoming days.

Rise Up

 
You’re broken down and tired
Of living life on a merry go round
And you can’t find the fighter
But I see it in you so we gonna walk it out
And move mountains
We gonna walk it out
And move mountains
And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
And I’ll rise up
High like the waves
I’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
When the silence isn’t quiet
And it feels like it’s getting hard to breathe
And I know you feel like dying
But I promise we’ll take the world to its feet
And move mountains
Bring it to its feet
And move mountains
And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
All we need, all we need is hope
And for that we have each other
And for that we have each other
And we will rise
We will rise
We’ll rise, oh, oh
We’ll rise
I’ll rise up
Rise like the day
I’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
I will rise a thousand times again
And we’ll rise up
High like the waves
We’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
We’ll rise up
And we’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
Ah, ah, ah, ah
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Cassandra Monique Batie / Jennifer Decilveo
Rise Up lyrics © BMG Rights Management

Read more

Rippling Abs, Anyone?

Rippling Abs, Anyone?

During this strange time in history, I noticed y’all were tackling all sorts of interesting projects. I decided I needed one, too—something positive to remember the pandemic of 2020 by.
 
I decided to pay attention to something I had abandoned…
 
Nope, I’m not cleaning my garage. I am not organizing one single thing. I’m not planting a garden or cleaning up my yard.
 
Instead, I decided to take care of myself better. This, folks, has made all the difference for me.
 
With relatively little time and effort on my part, I feel so much better than I did a month ago.
 
On March 30, I got on the exercise bike and the yoga mat for the first time in a long time, and did 30 minutes each. I liked it so much that I decided to do it every day. But I fell short of that, and changed my commitment to every other day, which felt more manageable, reasonable, and doable.
 
I also get off the bike after every song, take a couple of sips of water, shake out my legs and arms for a few seconds, and get back on. This makes the bike project a reasonable proposition, too.
 
Daily walks of any length—by myself, or with my little guy, Jackson—are a fresh air bonus.
 
My recumbent exercise bike has pulleys to work my upper body while I pedal, which gets my heart rate up fast, and also helps my whole-body strength. It feels good to get up from writing, or doing a consulting session with a client, to do something physically challenging while listening to good music.
 
After only a month, I feel a sheet of muscles on the front of me I haven’t felt for a very, very long time. Goodness gracious. Who knew they were there. I’ll be posting rippling ab photos soon, I’m sure.
 
I have no idea what the scales have to say about my bike/yoga project—I don’t care. Paying attention to scales tends to send me sideways, and therefore, I’m ignoring them completely.
 
But—I LOVE the way I feel! Hang in there, everyone.
 

Read more

Get in touch

Terri Crosby

Talk to me