SUMMER SHORTS: Get Out There. Try Stuff.

Summer Shorts is a weekly short-read in honor of the season, to convey ideas about relationships and life in the blink of an eye.

In my younger years, I thought trouble in a relationship meant something was wrong. I thought having problems with each other was not good.

If I had known that when the seas of my partnership looked rough, it was a sign I was being invited to grow, change, and evolve, that would have helped me. I could have at least donned rain gear in preparation for squalls and high waves.

If I had realized that difficulties are natural and necessary in growing, evolving relationships, perhaps I could have remembered to hang in there, go easier on myself, be more hopeful, keep the faith.

This is what most couples don’t know, not really, not in their bones: challenges help you. They are good for you.

Here’s a poem from my book 100 Words: Small Servings of Whimsy and Wisdom To Calm The Mind And Nourish The Heart which captures this idea.

THE SCOOP ON TRUE PARTNERSHIP

by Terri Crosby

Why bother to save a marriage on the rocks?

 

Perhaps it would be smarter to start over.

Get something shiny and new, like with shoes or a car.

 

Why be in a relationship? Do you know why anyone

gets together with another to create a joined life?

 

One answer rules: We think it will make us happy.

But often it doesn’t.

 

What if marriage is about rising up to become

your best you? If true, this intent is not accomplished in

 

idyllic circumstances. One must be questioned, opposed, challenged.

Now isn’t that partner of yours helping more than you thought?

~~~~~~~

This doesn’t mean that you should weather years or even days of storms if it doesn’t feel right. Besides, if you don’t unravel an issue in this relationship, you’ll take it with you and it will surface somehow, somewhere in the next situation. You can count on it. Maybe working it out with a different person will be easier, too, and moving on is a good and helpful thing.

But many years later, this I know for sure: no relationship vessel will become seaworthy, docked with nothing to do but pine at the beautiful night moon.

Your vessel thrives on adventure because the spirit of the vessel is bigger than little ol’ you. It longs to sail out of the harbor of sunshine and sameness into an ocean with other vessels and new weather patterns, where you’ll most likely encounter storms and sea creatures.

Don’t be so timid. Get out there and see what the two of you are made of.

If you find yourself in choppy waters, it doesn’t mean your relationship is not working, or that it will never work. It doesn’t mean you took a wrong turn or that you’re at fault for not checking the map.

It means there’s an invitation.

There’s an invitation to learn the ropes, to learn to sail together, which you’ve noticed by now is radically, monumentally, most certainly different than sailing through life by yourself.

It also means that there’s something that could use adjustment. What is it? I found that if I tried to sail in choppy waters as the same ol’ person I always was, it didn’t work.

Choppy waters meant learning new skills — for me. Experience with a partner on the high seas is an invitation to know yourself in ways you would never discover otherwise. You’ll appreciate the sea legs you begin to develop.

By the way, it can be a good idea to call the Coastguard cutter in a storm (reach out for help when necessary) to get you home safely.

As the songs says, “If you need me, call me. I’ll be there in a hurry.” To explore the idea of getting help from me, go to http://www.incareofrelationships.com/apply-for-our-consultation-program/ for more information.

Blessings on your journey!

Terri’s book of photography combined with poetry is here! 100 Words: Small Servings of Whimsy and Wisdom to Calm the Mind and Nourish the Heart.

http://Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

(PLEASE NOTE: In no way am I encouraging anyone anywhere at any time for any reason whatsoever to stay in an abusive situation. Don’t think twice. Get out. Go immediately to your local shelter, or call friends who will help you leave safely. It wouldn’t be a bad idea if one of those friends was 8 feet tall, a bouncer and Martial arts master with rippling muscles and ancient wisdom combined. The point is — do whatever it takes to leave and be safe. You’ll figure out the rest of the details later. Get out. Get help.)

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Terri Crosby

Helping you create life-affirming, ever-evolving, happier relationships with those you love. Follow me on twitter at@TerriCrosby or read myblog.

Comments (2)

  • Avatar

    shiner

    |

    The analogies in this blog are as always, wonderful and accessible. Rain gear is good to have when you hit those stormy seas!

    Reply

    • Avatar

      Terri Crosby

      |

      Thanks, Shiner. Your comments always put a smile in my day. Love and hugs.

      Reply

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Rise Up by Andra Day

What a great set of words for these oncoming days.

Rise Up

 
You’re broken down and tired
Of living life on a merry go round
And you can’t find the fighter
But I see it in you so we gonna walk it out
And move mountains
We gonna walk it out
And move mountains
And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
And I’ll rise up
High like the waves
I’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
When the silence isn’t quiet
And it feels like it’s getting hard to breathe
And I know you feel like dying
But I promise we’ll take the world to its feet
And move mountains
Bring it to its feet
And move mountains
And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
All we need, all we need is hope
And for that we have each other
And for that we have each other
And we will rise
We will rise
We’ll rise, oh, oh
We’ll rise
I’ll rise up
Rise like the day
I’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
I will rise a thousand times again
And we’ll rise up
High like the waves
We’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
We’ll rise up
And we’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
Ah, ah, ah, ah
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Cassandra Monique Batie / Jennifer Decilveo
Rise Up lyrics © BMG Rights Management

Terri’s book of photography combined with poetry is here! 100 Words: Small Servings of Whimsy and Wisdom to Calm the Mind and Nourish the Heart.

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Rippling Abs, Anyone?

Rippling Abs, Anyone?

During this strange time in history, I noticed y’all were tackling all sorts of interesting projects. I decided I needed one, too—something positive to remember the pandemic of 2020 by.
 
I decided to pay attention to something I had abandoned…
 
Nope, I’m not cleaning my garage. I am not organizing one single thing. I’m not planting a garden or cleaning up my yard.
 
Instead, I decided to take care of myself better. This, folks, has made all the difference for me.
 
With relatively little time and effort on my part, I feel so much better than I did a month ago.
 
On March 30, I got on the exercise bike and the yoga mat for the first time in a long time, and did 30 minutes each. I liked it so much that I decided to do it every day. But I fell short of that, and changed my commitment to every other day, which felt more manageable, reasonable, and doable.
 
I also get off the bike after every song, take a couple of sips of water, shake out my legs and arms for a few seconds, and get back on. This makes the bike project a reasonable proposition, too.
 
Daily walks of any length—by myself, or with my little guy, Jackson—are a fresh air bonus.
 
My recumbent exercise bike has pulleys to work my upper body while I pedal, which gets my heart rate up fast, and also helps my whole-body strength. It feels good to get up from writing, or doing a consulting session with a client, to do something physically challenging while listening to good music.
 
After only a month, I feel a sheet of muscles on the front of me I haven’t felt for a very, very long time. Goodness gracious. Who knew they were there. I’ll be posting rippling ab photos soon, I’m sure.
 
I have no idea what the scales have to say about my bike/yoga project—I don’t care. Paying attention to scales tends to send me sideways, and therefore, I’m ignoring them completely.
 
But—I LOVE the way I feel! Hang in there, everyone.
 

Terri’s book of photography combined with poetry is here! 100 Words: Small Servings of Whimsy and Wisdom to Calm the Mind and Nourish the Heart.

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Check Out This Troublemaker in Relationships

Check Out This Troublemaker in Relationships

Sometimes we ask intimate partners to do for us what is actually ours to do.

We ask our partner to give us the reassurance, love or appreciation we feel is missing in ourselves, with the hope that they will give us what we’re asking for—and then we’ll feel better. They’ll take care of our problem.

But when they do give us what we’re asking for, it can never be enough, because we have insufficient context for what they’ve given. We haven’t build the inner foundation to receive it, hear it, welcome it, believe it. They try to help, but their love for us falls into our void, our black hole, our love bucket with no bottom.

As always, there’s hope. Check out the video below.

Terri Crosby. http://www.incareofrelationships.com/.

Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

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Terri Crosby

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