SUMMER SHORTS: Do This In A Relationship. It Makes A Difference.

Summer Shorts is a weekly short-read in honor of the season, to convey ideas about relationships and life in the blink of an eye.

There are days when things with your partner seem a little rough around the edges. There are moments or hours when you wonder why you’re in the relationship to begin with. You might even fantasize about the benefits of walking away. You entertain the idea briefly, then continue as usual.

Even today, before leaving for work, the quick conversation with your partner as you picked up your keys, water bottle and bag did not go well. There was an uncomfortable disagreement, and no time to work it out.

Now, as you drive, you wonder how to settle your heart, how to make your mind sit and stay. At the traffic light, you take a deep breath and remind yourself that this, too, shall pass. But until it does, what is there to do?

Pulling into the parking lot, before heading inside to your busy day, you take a few moments to center. You let in your partner’s words. You sit with them. You pay attention to your thoughts. You notice your fear. You breathe.

How to receive another person is something each of us learns more deeply every day on planet Earth. What does receiving mean? Fundamentally, it means accepting. Receiving is a deep welcome for what’s in front of you.

Being a receiver in a relationship means “Go ahead and bring all of you to our relationship because I’ve been practicing with myself, and I’ve made it my priority to accept who I am. Come on in, the water’s fine. I’ve made room in my heart for every aspect of you, because that’s what I’ve been practicing with myself.”  

Continuing, “If I slip up and forget to receive you, I’m so practiced (with myself) that I’ll notice I didn’t receive you. I’ll pause. I’ll take a deep breath and remember to hear you, fully and completely. I’ll consider your point of view, understand it, honor it. I’ll do the best I can, which is pretty good, because, like I said — I’ve been practicing.”

What does receiving my husband mean? It would mean I’m not trying to change him. It would mean I accept what he does in the world, how he thinks, what he believes. It would mean I’ve paid attention to what motivates or inspires him, what makes him tick, what makes him happy, what supports him, what matters to him. I welcome all of him, as he is. Again, I can do that because I’ve been practicing with myself.

With practice receiving, gradually I learn to breathe through places where I have (in the past) shut down a conversation or turned it on its ear.

What’s the opposite of receiving?

Research shows that we can sense a thought or reaction before it becomes words-to-another. We can say to ourselves, “Oh, here it comes. I can feel it. Here’s a trigger point.” We state this awareness declaration clearly to ourselves so we don’t fall for, believe in, or become the trigger. Instead, we notice we’re about to react and make a decision to move consciously forward.

One word of advice here — have a deal with your partner not to point out each other’s triggers. Instead, point out (only) your own. When you notice a trigger of yours, a place where you didn’t receive, throw a flag on your own play. Call it out. Own it. Work through it with your partner’s help, if possible. (Partners can help more than you might imagine. But that’s a longer discussion for another time.)

With practice receiving, people realize a reaction is not the ultimate truth, it’s just where they were in that moment.

A reaction is the past expressed in the present moment. If we’d prefer that life be an expression of where we’re going, not a repeat of where we’ve been, being aware of a reaction on the horizon is an important step.

Committing to the practice of being in the present, not in the familiar past or the predictable future, changes everything. It’s a clear turning point in any relationship, especially the one with yourself.

Egos react. Hearts break open and receive. Receiving is following the lead of the heart. Given the wisdom of the heart, the heart-path is one you can trust. Where will you ask yourself to open your heart this week?

Terri’s book of photography combined with poetry is here! 100 Words: Small Servings of Whimsy and Wisdom to Calm the Mind and Nourish the Heart.

Image by Quang Nguyen vinh from Pixabay

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Terri Crosby

Helping you create life-affirming, ever-evolving, happier relationships with those you love. Follow me on twitter at@TerriCrosby or read myblog.

Comments (2)

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    Toni Galardi

    |

    I love this! What a great distinction on the idea of receiving another person means accepting them as they are. Brilliant!

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    • Avatar

      Terri Crosby

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      Thanks, Toni, for reading, and I’m glad you liked this one. Hugs right back.

      Reply

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Rise Up by Andra Day

What a great set of words for these oncoming days.

Rise Up

 
You’re broken down and tired
Of living life on a merry go round
And you can’t find the fighter
But I see it in you so we gonna walk it out
And move mountains
We gonna walk it out
And move mountains
And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
And I’ll rise up
High like the waves
I’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
When the silence isn’t quiet
And it feels like it’s getting hard to breathe
And I know you feel like dying
But I promise we’ll take the world to its feet
And move mountains
Bring it to its feet
And move mountains
And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
All we need, all we need is hope
And for that we have each other
And for that we have each other
And we will rise
We will rise
We’ll rise, oh, oh
We’ll rise
I’ll rise up
Rise like the day
I’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
I will rise a thousand times again
And we’ll rise up
High like the waves
We’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
We’ll rise up
And we’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
Ah, ah, ah, ah
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Cassandra Monique Batie / Jennifer Decilveo
Rise Up lyrics © BMG Rights Management

Terri’s book of photography combined with poetry is here! 100 Words: Small Servings of Whimsy and Wisdom to Calm the Mind and Nourish the Heart.

Read more

Rippling Abs, Anyone?

Rippling Abs, Anyone?

During this strange time in history, I noticed y’all were tackling all sorts of interesting projects. I decided I needed one, too—something positive to remember the pandemic of 2020 by.
 
I decided to pay attention to something I had abandoned…
 
Nope, I’m not cleaning my garage. I am not organizing one single thing. I’m not planting a garden or cleaning up my yard.
 
Instead, I decided to take care of myself better. This, folks, has made all the difference for me.
 
With relatively little time and effort on my part, I feel so much better than I did a month ago.
 
On March 30, I got on the exercise bike and the yoga mat for the first time in a long time, and did 30 minutes each. I liked it so much that I decided to do it every day. But I fell short of that, and changed my commitment to every other day, which felt more manageable, reasonable, and doable.
 
I also get off the bike after every song, take a couple of sips of water, shake out my legs and arms for a few seconds, and get back on. This makes the bike project a reasonable proposition, too.
 
Daily walks of any length—by myself, or with my little guy, Jackson—are a fresh air bonus.
 
My recumbent exercise bike has pulleys to work my upper body while I pedal, which gets my heart rate up fast, and also helps my whole-body strength. It feels good to get up from writing, or doing a consulting session with a client, to do something physically challenging while listening to good music.
 
After only a month, I feel a sheet of muscles on the front of me I haven’t felt for a very, very long time. Goodness gracious. Who knew they were there. I’ll be posting rippling ab photos soon, I’m sure.
 
I have no idea what the scales have to say about my bike/yoga project—I don’t care. Paying attention to scales tends to send me sideways, and therefore, I’m ignoring them completely.
 
But—I LOVE the way I feel! Hang in there, everyone.
 

Terri’s book of photography combined with poetry is here! 100 Words: Small Servings of Whimsy and Wisdom to Calm the Mind and Nourish the Heart.

Read more

Check Out This Troublemaker in Relationships

Check Out This Troublemaker in Relationships

Sometimes we ask intimate partners to do for us what is actually ours to do.

We ask our partner to give us the reassurance, love or appreciation we feel is missing in ourselves, with the hope that they will give us what we’re asking for—and then we’ll feel better. They’ll take care of our problem.

But when they do give us what we’re asking for, it can never be enough, because we have insufficient context for what they’ve given. We haven’t build the inner foundation to receive it, hear it, welcome it, believe it. They try to help, but their love for us falls into our void, our black hole, our love bucket with no bottom.

As always, there’s hope. Check out the video below.

Terri Crosby. http://www.incareofrelationships.com/.

Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

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Terri Crosby

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