Part One: Forget New Year’s Resolutions — Try This!

Part One: Forget New Year’s Resolutions — Try This!

 
If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost;
that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.

Henry David Thoreau

We wish for good things every day.  You and I have done it all year.  Heck, we’ve done it all our lives. Any time something happens that we don’t like, we think about what would have been more pleasing.  It’s a quick thought, a fleeting thought, a thought about improvement. Right now, in this moment, begin to notice how you have naturally and over time created a boatload of positive wishes…. Pretty impressive, actually.  These, by the way, could be your “castles in the air.”  Just possibly. Any time something bad happens, we wish for something better.  This is a GOOD thing.  This is the gift the crummy thing is giving you — a chance to see what you actually prefer. Any time someone is rude or unkind (which might have even been you)  we think about doing better next time.  It’s natural. So all year long, you could say we have been creating and collecting thoughts about improvement.  Some are so strong they are like rockets leaving our body, some are happy puffs of  delicate pink wishes.  Some thoughts of improvement are strong and begin to grow roots, some are like a wave, with a ripple effect that washes over others around you, changing the landscape in a beneficial way for others as well. Just for fun, just as an exercise, imagine that every thought of improvement that you’ve ever thought is still around you, even those from childhood, and they are all circling in the vicinity of you. You have been collecting wishes for your entire life.  It’s a pretty big swirl by now. The swirl includes every thought you’ve ever thought about what you really, really want.  Little things, big things and everything in between.  Sometimes the thoughts are on behalf of others, meaning that you hope your mother, who is miles away from you, is well-taken care of by those around her, since you are not there. Or your sister just called from her car, and you can feel her stress.  In that moment, ignoring how she is actually feeling right now, you imagine her thriving, even while she is presenting every reason not to be.  You see her rested and happy on her joyful drive to work. You look at her life in that moment, and you improve it for her, just in your mind. You see her in a vision of ease and happiness, going through her day being supported and satisfied. We often launch these versions of  a better life  — for ourselves or someone else — in the empty space, the pause, the after-silence, the little bits of downtime between events of the day. The thoughts of improvement might occur, for instance, while you’re driving.  They might be born from a difficult conversation you just had on the phone.  Then you get into your car and for a little while, you dream it differently — you make it turn out another way, and it’s better for everyone. All of these wishes might be your “castles in the air” as Henry David Thoreau wrote.  They are wishes thrown out there, and maybe there is a way to put a foundation under them. How would you do that? How would you bring more long-lost wishes into your current reality? Try this.  Set aside a fairly significant window of time, like two to four hours, with nothing pulling at you — like a morning when you’re having coffee and don’t have anywhere to go.  Write out your new and improved life story.  Make sure it is a story, not a laundry list of events.  Put in tastes and sounds and textures.  Make it real.  Make it easy to visualize. This is something you can do for yourself, or give as a gift to another.  I gave a story to a friend of mine as a birthday gift recently.  Because I know her really well, I was able to include details that would mean a lot to her. For this sample story, see Part Two. Have fun writing!

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Terri Crosby

Helping you create life-affirming, ever-evolving, happier relationships with those you love. Follow me on twitter at@TerriCrosby or read myblog.

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Rise Up by Andra Day

What a great set of words for these oncoming days.

Rise Up

 
You’re broken down and tired
Of living life on a merry go round
And you can’t find the fighter
But I see it in you so we gonna walk it out
And move mountains
We gonna walk it out
And move mountains
And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
And I’ll rise up
High like the waves
I’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
When the silence isn’t quiet
And it feels like it’s getting hard to breathe
And I know you feel like dying
But I promise we’ll take the world to its feet
And move mountains
Bring it to its feet
And move mountains
And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
All we need, all we need is hope
And for that we have each other
And for that we have each other
And we will rise
We will rise
We’ll rise, oh, oh
We’ll rise
I’ll rise up
Rise like the day
I’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
I will rise a thousand times again
And we’ll rise up
High like the waves
We’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
We’ll rise up
And we’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
Ah, ah, ah, ah
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Cassandra Monique Batie / Jennifer Decilveo
Rise Up lyrics © BMG Rights Management

Terri’s book of photography combined with poetry is here! 100 Words: Small Servings of Whimsy and Wisdom to Calm the Mind and Nourish the Heart.

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Rippling Abs, Anyone?

Rippling Abs, Anyone?

During this strange time in history, I noticed y’all were tackling all sorts of interesting projects. I decided I needed one, too—something positive to remember the pandemic of 2020 by.
 
I decided to pay attention to something I had abandoned…
 
Nope, I’m not cleaning my garage. I am not organizing one single thing. I’m not planting a garden or cleaning up my yard.
 
Instead, I decided to take care of myself better. This, folks, has made all the difference for me.
 
With relatively little time and effort on my part, I feel so much better than I did a month ago.
 
On March 30, I got on the exercise bike and the yoga mat for the first time in a long time, and did 30 minutes each. I liked it so much that I decided to do it every day. But I fell short of that, and changed my commitment to every other day, which felt more manageable, reasonable, and doable.
 
I also get off the bike after every song, take a couple of sips of water, shake out my legs and arms for a few seconds, and get back on. This makes the bike project a reasonable proposition, too.
 
Daily walks of any length—by myself, or with my little guy, Jackson—are a fresh air bonus.
 
My recumbent exercise bike has pulleys to work my upper body while I pedal, which gets my heart rate up fast, and also helps my whole-body strength. It feels good to get up from writing, or doing a consulting session with a client, to do something physically challenging while listening to good music.
 
After only a month, I feel a sheet of muscles on the front of me I haven’t felt for a very, very long time. Goodness gracious. Who knew they were there. I’ll be posting rippling ab photos soon, I’m sure.
 
I have no idea what the scales have to say about my bike/yoga project—I don’t care. Paying attention to scales tends to send me sideways, and therefore, I’m ignoring them completely.
 
But—I LOVE the way I feel! Hang in there, everyone.
 

Terri’s book of photography combined with poetry is here! 100 Words: Small Servings of Whimsy and Wisdom to Calm the Mind and Nourish the Heart.

Read more

Check Out This Troublemaker in Relationships

Check Out This Troublemaker in Relationships

Sometimes we ask intimate partners to do for us what is actually ours to do.

We ask our partner to give us the reassurance, love or appreciation we feel is missing in ourselves, with the hope that they will give us what we’re asking for—and then we’ll feel better. They’ll take care of our problem.

But when they do give us what we’re asking for, it can never be enough, because we have insufficient context for what they’ve given. We haven’t build the inner foundation to receive it, hear it, welcome it, believe it. They try to help, but their love for us falls into our void, our black hole, our love bucket with no bottom.

As always, there’s hope. Check out the video below.

Terri Crosby. http://www.incareofrelationships.com/.

Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

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