My Story

For most of my young life, I lacked confidence in my relationships with others, males in particular.  My father and I didn’t understand each other or feel close to one another. so conversations fell short. Neither of us were sure how to make it better.

In high school, I didn’t speak to boys unless required to, and felt embarrassed and nervous around them.  To stay within my comfort zone, I related mostly to females, did school assignments and worked on the family farm. Attendance at social events or dances at school was not permitted by my parents, so dating began in college.  There, I enjoyed being around men more, but still felt uncomfortable. Like any young woman my age, I tried to make sense of the opposite sex without clear role models or education other than trial and error.

After graduating from college, I married, and over the course of my life,  married four times. In addition, there were a two other significant relationships, and one of them gave me a daughter. My last relationship of seventeen years with Eric began wonderfully and then went the way of all others and we nearly parted. But I committed myself to unraveling my part of the equation, and we turned things around. We found our happy place again and spent good years together after that. In 2017, Eric passed away from cancer.

Finding and welcoming a man into my life was never a problem. Getting along with a man, and creating a loving, satisfying relationship with him was my challenge.

In retrospect, I see that my tendency was to find a good man, and slowly take him off his game. To cause them to become confused, weak, or angry. I didn’t realize the consistency of this, and would have not consciously chosen the pattern, but in hindsight, there it was.

Once my partner had lost confidence, he didn’t enjoy himself, and didn’t enjoy me. (I also didn’t enjoy him, or me.) When that relationship ended, I’d find a new man, and hope for the best.

As the saying goes, when the student is ready, teachers appear. When my relationship with Eric fell apart, I reached out. I changed. I grew. I took responsibility.

Within one month, our connection improved.  Within three months there was hope.  After six months, Eric was responding to a new me, and together, we created an entirely different way of relating. We were happier.

When we shifted positively, Eric seemed encouraged, and I was beyond elated.  Eric’s confidence returned, and we began to enjoy each other in the easy, casual ways we did when we first met. We learned from each other, we listened, we grew.

To have a better relationship with Eric required changes from me. Contrary to popular opinion, it takes one person to change a relationship.

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Rise Up by Andra Day

What a great set of words for these oncoming days.

Rise Up

 
You’re broken down and tired
Of living life on a merry go round
And you can’t find the fighter
But I see it in you so we gonna walk it out
And move mountains
We gonna walk it out
And move mountains
And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
And I’ll rise up
High like the waves
I’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
When the silence isn’t quiet
And it feels like it’s getting hard to breathe
And I know you feel like dying
But I promise we’ll take the world to its feet
And move mountains
Bring it to its feet
And move mountains
And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
All we need, all we need is hope
And for that we have each other
And for that we have each other
And we will rise
We will rise
We’ll rise, oh, oh
We’ll rise
I’ll rise up
Rise like the day
I’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
I will rise a thousand times again
And we’ll rise up
High like the waves
We’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
We’ll rise up
And we’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
Ah, ah, ah, ah
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Cassandra Monique Batie / Jennifer Decilveo
Rise Up lyrics © BMG Rights Management

Terri’s book of photography combined with poetry is here! 100 Words: Small Servings of Whimsy and Wisdom to Calm the Mind and Nourish the Heart.

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Rippling Abs, Anyone?

Rippling Abs, Anyone?

During this strange time in history, I noticed y’all were tackling all sorts of interesting projects. I decided I needed one, too—something positive to remember the pandemic of 2020 by.
 
I decided to pay attention to something I had abandoned…
 
Nope, I’m not cleaning my garage. I am not organizing one single thing. I’m not planting a garden or cleaning up my yard.
 
Instead, I decided to take care of myself better. This, folks, has made all the difference for me.
 
With relatively little time and effort on my part, I feel so much better than I did a month ago.
 
On March 30, I got on the exercise bike and the yoga mat for the first time in a long time, and did 30 minutes each. I liked it so much that I decided to do it every day. But I fell short of that, and changed my commitment to every other day, which felt more manageable, reasonable, and doable.
 
I also get off the bike after every song, take a couple of sips of water, shake out my legs and arms for a few seconds, and get back on. This makes the bike project a reasonable proposition, too.
 
Daily walks of any length—by myself, or with my little guy, Jackson—are a fresh air bonus.
 
My recumbent exercise bike has pulleys to work my upper body while I pedal, which gets my heart rate up fast, and also helps my whole-body strength. It feels good to get up from writing, or doing a consulting session with a client, to do something physically challenging while listening to good music.
 
After only a month, I feel a sheet of muscles on the front of me I haven’t felt for a very, very long time. Goodness gracious. Who knew they were there. I’ll be posting rippling ab photos soon, I’m sure.
 
I have no idea what the scales have to say about my bike/yoga project—I don’t care. Paying attention to scales tends to send me sideways, and therefore, I’m ignoring them completely.
 
But—I LOVE the way I feel! Hang in there, everyone.
 

Terri’s book of photography combined with poetry is here! 100 Words: Small Servings of Whimsy and Wisdom to Calm the Mind and Nourish the Heart.

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Check Out This Troublemaker in Relationships

Check Out This Troublemaker in Relationships

Sometimes we ask intimate partners to do for us what is actually ours to do.

We ask our partner to give us the reassurance, love or appreciation we feel is missing in ourselves, with the hope that they will give us what we’re asking for—and then we’ll feel better. They’ll take care of our problem.

But when they do give us what we’re asking for, it can never be enough, because we have insufficient context for what they’ve given. We haven’t build the inner foundation to receive it, hear it, welcome it, believe it. They try to help, but their love for us falls into our void, our black hole, our love bucket with no bottom.

As always, there’s hope. Check out the video below.

Terri Crosby. http://www.incareofrelationships.com/.

Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

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