Interview With Terri Crosby
Question: Terri, how did you get started in this Relationship business?
Terri: It came about gradually, and from sustained interest in the subject of partnerships. I also had a personal interest in the subject, because getting a partner was never a problem for me, but keeping a partner was. Early on, I went through men like Kleenex, and thought that if I could learn to choose the right partner, or find the right circumstances, everything would work out. Obviously, there’s more to a happy and satisfying love relationship than that. I knew how to have great friends. I didn’t know how to get along over time with a lover, so partnerships became a lifelong study.
Question: Where are you from? Where did you grow up?
Terri: I grew up on a farm in northwestern Iowa, land of blue skies and tall corn. My family was Quaker, and I had five brothers and sisters. We grew a huge and sprawling garden of everything edible, and did canning and freezing all summer long. After graduating from High School, I went to Iowa State University and graduated with a Bachelor of Science in Child Development.
Question: What do your clients say about you?
Terri: One thing they say consistently is that I’m good at simplifying. Basically, they bring a long list of issues or a complicated and multi-faceted situation, throw up their hands and say something like, “It’s all too much. I can’t see what to do.”
For some reason, I see threads (connections), which means that multiple situations can be taken care of with one shift in perspective. That’s efficient. That’s worth a person’s time and energy.
Another common response from clients is appreciation for not taking sides. This is often an unspoken concern from male clients, that I might be biased towards their wife. Individuals are also thankful I work with varied lifestyles and approaches.
One technique to allay all concerns with couples about taking sides, is one I call “mouse in the corner.” I work with one partner while the other observes. The silent partner must draw no attention to themselves. No asking questions, interrupting, disagreeing, or protesting. They must be quiet as a mouse.
Miracles occur when one partner is a witness to the other learning. The great advantage to the person not in the hot seat is that s/he can learn more comfortably and shift things they might not otherwise be able to shift.
Also, because I work with each person as if s/he is responsible for the entire relationship, the silent partner watches how that unfolds, and how it will soon be true from their point of view as well. The process is really illuminating – that’s what people say about it.
Question: How long do you work with your clients?
Terri: Changing the course of a relationship takes time. From my own personal experience, realistically, it takes six months to a year to change the landscape of an intimate relationship. After initiating change, it takes time to integrate it. There is a flow — you learn something new, try it, fall down, get up, and try again.
Typically, I work with people for 3 months to a year. In three months, you see that the quality of your relationship with your partner is totally up to you. The next few months stabilize the new awareness, intention, pattern, path. After that comes positive momentum. After six months or so, outcomes change in powerful and exponential ways.
Question: Who do you work with? Who do you not work with?
Terri: I work with people committed to personal happiness and authentic self-expression. I love working with open, heart-centered individuals and couples who have encountered, shall we say, trouble along the way. I often work with individuals experiencing success in some areas of their life and not others. being successful in business, for instance, but not relationships.
I don’t work with serious depression, trauma, mental illness or addiction.
Question: Is your approach religious at all?
Terri: No, this information is not limited to a certain background, culture, or upbringing.
Question: Anything else you’d like us to know?
Terri: I find great joy in this work. It is both delightful, and satisfying. It’s also entertaining and heartwarming and I think my clients would say the same.
I believe human beings are brave beyond measure, full of possibility, and capable. I believe in my clients. When going through a wobbly or difficult time, it’s a good thing for someone to hold you in love, with confidence in your ability to make beneficial changes, express fully, and evolve. It can make all the difference.
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