How Men Hear A Woman’s Voice

bl and wh music staffAccording to researchers, there is a (big) difference between how a man hears a male voice and how he hears a female voice.  A man hears another male’s voice as speech. But, to a man’s brain,  a woman’s voice is different! Her voice may not be music to his ears, but his brain thinks so! The part of the male brain that processes a woman’s voice is the same part that processes music. Seriously.  This could explain a few things! From Discover Magazine, November of 2005:  “Psychiatrist Michael Hunter and fellow researchers at the University of Sheffield in England monitored the brain activity of 12 men as they listened to voice recordings and found they process male voices differently from those of females. Women’s voices stimulate an area of the brain used for processing complex sounds, like music. Male voices activate the “mind’s eye,” a region of the brain used for conjuring imagery.” They went on to say that women generally have shorter vocal folds, and more variation in pitch and volume, or melody, as we speak.  We have a more poetic quality to our speech.  We sound more like music to a man’s ears. Here’s the deal, though.  In my experience working with couples, If you are (good) music to his ears, he decodes.  He pays attention.  He wants to hear you and understand what you’re communicating. If you sound like bad music or noise, he simply turns you off.  He changes stations. It’s not wrong.  It’s natural.  heart noteIt’s a quick, no-brainer decision.  Just change stations and listen to something more pleasing. The short story is this.  If you want to be heard, the actual sound of complaining, correcting, or criticizing won’t make him listen.  It’s bad music, and he’ll be compelled to turn you off.  Get to a better place with yourself and then talk.  Your message will be more hear-able. Some conclude that from Hunter’s research that men find the female voice more difficult to hear and understand. But Hunter thinks the opposite is true. Because the brain is apparently deciphering the modulation in women’s voices, Hunter thinks a female voice might be able to communicate more information per sentence than a male voice.  He says that most people at a railway station say female announcers are clearer, and maybe it has to do with the added information in the female sound. How you sound matters! In a session with a couple recently, the woman was communicating to her husband in what I would call a whining and complaining voice.  Her message was valid, it just sounded awful, even to me.  So I asked her to gather herself, and try the very same message again, this time from a more centered, non-victim place. headphonesShe understood me perfectly.  She took a deep breath and repeated the communication using a clear and more neutral vocal tone. Which, by the way, made made all the difference for her and for him. She felt better about herself and what she needed.  She was coming from a stronger place. He could hear her.  He listened intently.  They talked and they understood each other.  They figured things out!  Hooray team! So dear women, if you’d like to be heard (and of course we do!) in the interest of efficiency, self-esteem, and most of all love, remember — you’re music!  

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Terri Crosby

Helping you create life-affirming, ever-evolving, happier relationships with those you love. Follow me on twitter at@TerriCrosby or read myblog.

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    shiner

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    That was fun to read, thanks.

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    Devaya Smith

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    I love it! I’ve recently been exposed to two women who broadcast what feels to me
    like “no music” stations. It’s The News (in glorious detail) from Sally’s Viewpoint and none of it is relative to the moment, least of all to me. I just want them to take a breath once in a while! And maybe notice I’m there. Actually, I’d rather hear music. Suggestions?

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      Terri Crosby

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      I know of someone who just walks out of conversations like that. She says “it’s been really nice talking to you” and she walks away. In one sense it sounds rude, but on the other hand we are under no obligation to listen to chatter that doesn’t matter. There’s no requirement to listen just because someone is talking. And then it’s just a matter of bravery and not worrying about pleasing someone else. I’m in favor of bravery.

      Reply

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Rise Up by Andra Day

What a great set of words for these oncoming days.

Rise Up

 
You’re broken down and tired
Of living life on a merry go round
And you can’t find the fighter
But I see it in you so we gonna walk it out
And move mountains
We gonna walk it out
And move mountains
And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
And I’ll rise up
High like the waves
I’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
When the silence isn’t quiet
And it feels like it’s getting hard to breathe
And I know you feel like dying
But I promise we’ll take the world to its feet
And move mountains
Bring it to its feet
And move mountains
And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
All we need, all we need is hope
And for that we have each other
And for that we have each other
And we will rise
We will rise
We’ll rise, oh, oh
We’ll rise
I’ll rise up
Rise like the day
I’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
I will rise a thousand times again
And we’ll rise up
High like the waves
We’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
We’ll rise up
And we’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
Ah, ah, ah, ah
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Cassandra Monique Batie / Jennifer Decilveo
Rise Up lyrics © BMG Rights Management

Terri’s book of photography combined with poetry is here! 100 Words: Small Servings of Whimsy and Wisdom to Calm the Mind and Nourish the Heart.

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Rippling Abs, Anyone?

Rippling Abs, Anyone?

During this strange time in history, I noticed y’all were tackling all sorts of interesting projects. I decided I needed one, too—something positive to remember the pandemic of 2020 by.
 
I decided to pay attention to something I had abandoned…
 
Nope, I’m not cleaning my garage. I am not organizing one single thing. I’m not planting a garden or cleaning up my yard.
 
Instead, I decided to take care of myself better. This, folks, has made all the difference for me.
 
With relatively little time and effort on my part, I feel so much better than I did a month ago.
 
On March 30, I got on the exercise bike and the yoga mat for the first time in a long time, and did 30 minutes each. I liked it so much that I decided to do it every day. But I fell short of that, and changed my commitment to every other day, which felt more manageable, reasonable, and doable.
 
I also get off the bike after every song, take a couple of sips of water, shake out my legs and arms for a few seconds, and get back on. This makes the bike project a reasonable proposition, too.
 
Daily walks of any length—by myself, or with my little guy, Jackson—are a fresh air bonus.
 
My recumbent exercise bike has pulleys to work my upper body while I pedal, which gets my heart rate up fast, and also helps my whole-body strength. It feels good to get up from writing, or doing a consulting session with a client, to do something physically challenging while listening to good music.
 
After only a month, I feel a sheet of muscles on the front of me I haven’t felt for a very, very long time. Goodness gracious. Who knew they were there. I’ll be posting rippling ab photos soon, I’m sure.
 
I have no idea what the scales have to say about my bike/yoga project—I don’t care. Paying attention to scales tends to send me sideways, and therefore, I’m ignoring them completely.
 
But—I LOVE the way I feel! Hang in there, everyone.
 

Terri’s book of photography combined with poetry is here! 100 Words: Small Servings of Whimsy and Wisdom to Calm the Mind and Nourish the Heart.

Read more

Check Out This Troublemaker in Relationships

Check Out This Troublemaker in Relationships

Sometimes we ask intimate partners to do for us what is actually ours to do.

We ask our partner to give us the reassurance, love or appreciation we feel is missing in ourselves, with the hope that they will give us what we’re asking for—and then we’ll feel better. They’ll take care of our problem.

But when they do give us what we’re asking for, it can never be enough, because we have insufficient context for what they’ve given. We haven’t build the inner foundation to receive it, hear it, welcome it, believe it. They try to help, but their love for us falls into our void, our black hole, our love bucket with no bottom.

As always, there’s hope. Check out the video below.

Terri Crosby. http://www.incareofrelationships.com/.

Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

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Terri Crosby

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