Four Predicaments. One Question.

early-fall-morning-mist 

Today, I give you four problems.

The challenge?  Answer the questions at the end, especially the very last one. The last question changes everything. 

(Resist the temptation to skip ahead. Let your brilliant brain chew on this in order…)

Here are the four situations:

#1 made a bold career move because her boss was unacceptable. At first, the new job glowed with the qualities she was seeking, but as things unfolded and more was revealed, she discovered that her new boss is freakishly similar to the one she left.

#2 got in a fight with her boyfriend and it was a pretty ugly scene. He said mean things to her. She said mean things to him. They both apologized. Is it over? No. Things are calmer on the surface, but the issues that caused the fight are still there. These include coming to inaccurate conclusions, throwing verbal punches, and acting from a place of fear. Neither of them knows how to rise up out of the tit-for-tat, eye for an eye, daily grind of who’s right and who’s wrong.

#3 is getting out of a relationship. She is safe, she says, but I’m not sure because I haven’t heard from her in (too many) days. This is the second time she has officially bolted from this relationship, and hopefully the last. (Should she leave this relationship? Absolutely. Safety is the priority. Everything else can be addressed later.)

#4 is well-educated and well-to-do, and wants a different life than she has. Besides an easier and more satisfying career, she’d like a partner who is dedicated to family. She wants it so much that she gave up one marriage to find someone who could share that with her. She was very hopeful about the new man, and it turns out that he’s got a lot, but lo and behold not that family thing, not in the way she would prefer. She loves him, he loves her. In most other important ways, they are really good together.

THE QUESTIONS

WHAT BELIEF IS COMMON TO ALL FOUR SITUATIONS?

The belief that changing circumstances will solve our problem.

Don’t expect a new result if you haven’t changed your inner tune. You can change husbands, locations, or jobs, and often the same issues show up.

Oh, believe me, I’m an expert on this most hopeful and reasonable idea that changing a husband or boyfriend would make my “problem” go away. I tried it so many times. I’m the queen of multiple marriages, after all. 

What I eventually discovered, though, was that I brought myself and my thinking to every new circumstance, as in “Wherever you go, there you are.”

I’d get a new man, but it didn’t help. The marriage didn’t work out and I got a divorce. Why? I was the common denominator.

Nothing changed about my results until I changed. 

WHAT ARE THE CHOICES HERE?

Door #1: Keep changing your environment, outer world, circumstances, hoping to fix the problem.

Door #2: Start with yourself. Make changes in yourself, knowing your outer world will reflect your inner changes.

OK, I GET IT. I CHOOSE DOOR #2. HOW DO I MAKE CHANGES IN MYSELF?

Become the person who would naturally receive what you say you want.

Who is that person?

 

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Terri Crosby

Helping you create life-affirming, ever-evolving, happier relationships with those you love. Follow me on twitter at@TerriCrosby or read myblog.

Comments (5)

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    Heather

    |

    This is fabulous and the true essence of change

    Reply

    • Avatar

      Terri Crosby

      |

      Thanks for reading and commenting, Heather. Good to hear from you and I trust all is well with you and yours.

      Reply

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    Corey fowler

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    SO TRUE AS IN SO MANY ASPECTS OF LIFE… 🙂

    Reply

    • Avatar

      Terri Crosby

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      Thanks for reading and commenting! Always nice to hear from you.

      Reply

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Rise Up by Andra Day

What a great set of words for these oncoming days.

Rise Up

 
You’re broken down and tired
Of living life on a merry go round
And you can’t find the fighter
But I see it in you so we gonna walk it out
And move mountains
We gonna walk it out
And move mountains
And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
And I’ll rise up
High like the waves
I’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
When the silence isn’t quiet
And it feels like it’s getting hard to breathe
And I know you feel like dying
But I promise we’ll take the world to its feet
And move mountains
Bring it to its feet
And move mountains
And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
All we need, all we need is hope
And for that we have each other
And for that we have each other
And we will rise
We will rise
We’ll rise, oh, oh
We’ll rise
I’ll rise up
Rise like the day
I’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
I will rise a thousand times again
And we’ll rise up
High like the waves
We’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
We’ll rise up
And we’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
Ah, ah, ah, ah
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Cassandra Monique Batie / Jennifer Decilveo
Rise Up lyrics © BMG Rights Management

Terri’s book of photography combined with poetry is here! 100 Words: Small Servings of Whimsy and Wisdom to Calm the Mind and Nourish the Heart.

Read more

Rippling Abs, Anyone?

Rippling Abs, Anyone?

During this strange time in history, I noticed y’all were tackling all sorts of interesting projects. I decided I needed one, too—something positive to remember the pandemic of 2020 by.
 
I decided to pay attention to something I had abandoned…
 
Nope, I’m not cleaning my garage. I am not organizing one single thing. I’m not planting a garden or cleaning up my yard.
 
Instead, I decided to take care of myself better. This, folks, has made all the difference for me.
 
With relatively little time and effort on my part, I feel so much better than I did a month ago.
 
On March 30, I got on the exercise bike and the yoga mat for the first time in a long time, and did 30 minutes each. I liked it so much that I decided to do it every day. But I fell short of that, and changed my commitment to every other day, which felt more manageable, reasonable, and doable.
 
I also get off the bike after every song, take a couple of sips of water, shake out my legs and arms for a few seconds, and get back on. This makes the bike project a reasonable proposition, too.
 
Daily walks of any length—by myself, or with my little guy, Jackson—are a fresh air bonus.
 
My recumbent exercise bike has pulleys to work my upper body while I pedal, which gets my heart rate up fast, and also helps my whole-body strength. It feels good to get up from writing, or doing a consulting session with a client, to do something physically challenging while listening to good music.
 
After only a month, I feel a sheet of muscles on the front of me I haven’t felt for a very, very long time. Goodness gracious. Who knew they were there. I’ll be posting rippling ab photos soon, I’m sure.
 
I have no idea what the scales have to say about my bike/yoga project—I don’t care. Paying attention to scales tends to send me sideways, and therefore, I’m ignoring them completely.
 
But—I LOVE the way I feel! Hang in there, everyone.
 

Terri’s book of photography combined with poetry is here! 100 Words: Small Servings of Whimsy and Wisdom to Calm the Mind and Nourish the Heart.

Read more

Check Out This Troublemaker in Relationships

Check Out This Troublemaker in Relationships

Sometimes we ask intimate partners to do for us what is actually ours to do.

We ask our partner to give us the reassurance, love or appreciation we feel is missing in ourselves, with the hope that they will give us what we’re asking for—and then we’ll feel better. They’ll take care of our problem.

But when they do give us what we’re asking for, it can never be enough, because we have insufficient context for what they’ve given. We haven’t build the inner foundation to receive it, hear it, welcome it, believe it. They try to help, but their love for us falls into our void, our black hole, our love bucket with no bottom.

As always, there’s hope. Check out the video below.

Terri Crosby. http://www.incareofrelationships.com/.

Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

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Terri Crosby

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