Dost Thou Protest Too Much?

autumn-winter 4

Written by Terri Crosby for In Care of Relationships

Recently, I heard someone say how to live a happier life. Ready? The advice:  Give up any opinion that causes inner mental or emotional stress. What-d-ya-think-of-them-apples? Well, that really would do it, wouldn’t it? Never have a feisty opinion…

Exactly How Would That Work?

So let’s try this idea on for size. If an opinion of mine causes angst, worry, or upset inside me, I’d first notice that it felt not-so-great.  Then, because I’m totally brilliant (aren’t we all?) I would remember that feeling bad is not a requirement in my life.  And third, because I pay attention to what works (don’t we all?) I’d simply abandon the stress-producing thought. Then, because I’m wise like an owl (Whooooo, me?  Yooooou, too?) I’d opt for the practice of gently turning my attention in the direction of something easier.  I’d take a baby owl step right there on that tree branch in the direction of a thought that is a little more general, softer, calmer, or whatever.  Just not so feisty. In a little while (baby owl going out on a limb here) I might even move from “anti” to thoughts that are more life-giving, invigorating, uplifting, or positive. Or at least neutral! It’s not exactly a common human practice to do this!!! Those of us who have long been known as the “pushy type” (hey I wasn’t born with red hair and freckles for nothin’) — we might wonder about the wisdom of giving up one’s opinions, stress-producing or otherwise. Without my opinions, would I seem wimpy, uneducated, or lame?  Not smart and aware? Would I be irresponsible if I wasn’t raising my fist against injustices of the world?  Would I be uncaring?  An ostrich with my head in the sand?  Without a backbone? And would the world spin out of control without all of us rabble rousers monitoring things and keeping the bad guys in check?  What if we weren’t writing editorials, posting grievances on Facebook, or shaking our collective fingers at those trying to pull the wool over our eyes?  What if ignoring “bad things” would encourage the proliferation of even more bad things?

Maybe… Maybe Not…Snow on Pumpkin

On the other hand, what if arguing against, pushing against, or ranting negatively about something actually renders me ineffective? Whoa. Seriously?  What do you mean? Well, first, what if pushing against someone or something  practically requires my opposition to push back?  It’s a natural knee-jerk reaction.  It’s the idea that when I perceive an attack on me, I defend/attack right back. And then my opposition perceives that I attacked them, so they defend and attack back. …Which calls for an emphatic answer from me (heck yes, doesn’t it!) so I defend (which is perceived as another attack) and so it goes, round and round. This is how things get complicated and ramped-up really fast. (And we wonder why war still exists.) Furthermore, what if pushing against something puts me entirely out of range of discovering a solution? What if pushing against someone or something puts me in a (mental, emotional, spiritual) place where I couldn’t see the solution if it marched right in front of me with neon lights and sound?  What if my “pushy” way of thinking keeps me IN the energy of the problem, and not anywhere near the solution?  And then I can’t feel my way into a true, heart-opening solution ’cause I’m too focused and upset about how wrong things are now?

Here’s A Comparison

Have you ever been in the presence of someone you grew up with, whom you haven’t seen or spoken to in a long time?  And when you get together, you notice that this person from your past holds tight to who you were back then?   And even though you are who you are now, you feel invisible to this person who knew you when you were 12 or 28 or 35 years old? The difference between the energy of a problem and the energy of a solution is like that.  If I’m relating to my present from how I’ve always been, (I’ve noticed) I don’t create a different future.  I create more of the same — pretty much! I am my own prevent-er. However, if I notice “the problem” enough to serve as my jump-off place to start a new future, and promptly put on my here-and-now glasses, well, alrighty then!  Now I’m  getting somewhere new! In any case, during any change, or any personal growth opportunity, I remember that wherever I am is OK, because it’s the beginning of where I’m going.

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For more information about In Care of Relationships, click here.

autumn-winter 2About Terri Crosby — I live in the Blue Ridge Mountains with Eric, my partner of 14 years, two cats and a dog, and as many flowers and vegetables as I can plant.

It is my experience that children are born to teach (remind) parents, not the other way around.   I’ve learned more from my daughter MacKenzie than from all other humans combined.

I’m in favor of wandering time in the morning, listening to the birds calling to each other in the woods all around me.

Making fresh food is one of life’s big yummy pleasures, along with singing – especially creating heavenly, improvisational, prayerful, meditational sound.

I believe that poet Mary Oliver writes the best bedtime stories available on Earth.

     

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Terri Crosby

Helping you create life-affirming, ever-evolving, happier relationships with those you love. Follow me on twitter at@TerriCrosby or read myblog.

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    shiner

    |

    In any case, during any change, or any personal growth opportunity, I remember that wherever I am is OK, because it’s the beginning of where I’m going.

    This is a gem, so simple, yet so profound.

    Great blog from someone who is coughing their way to enlightenment!

    Reply

    • Avatar

      Terri Crosby

      |

      Yes, Shiner!
      Cough, cough!
      I’m resting and it feels really, really, really good and right.
      love,
      Terri

      Reply

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Rise Up by Andra Day

What a great set of words for these oncoming days.

Rise Up

 
You’re broken down and tired
Of living life on a merry go round
And you can’t find the fighter
But I see it in you so we gonna walk it out
And move mountains
We gonna walk it out
And move mountains
And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
And I’ll rise up
High like the waves
I’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
When the silence isn’t quiet
And it feels like it’s getting hard to breathe
And I know you feel like dying
But I promise we’ll take the world to its feet
And move mountains
Bring it to its feet
And move mountains
And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
All we need, all we need is hope
And for that we have each other
And for that we have each other
And we will rise
We will rise
We’ll rise, oh, oh
We’ll rise
I’ll rise up
Rise like the day
I’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
I will rise a thousand times again
And we’ll rise up
High like the waves
We’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
We’ll rise up
And we’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
Ah, ah, ah, ah
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Cassandra Monique Batie / Jennifer Decilveo
Rise Up lyrics © BMG Rights Management

Terri’s book of photography combined with poetry is here! 100 Words: Small Servings of Whimsy and Wisdom to Calm the Mind and Nourish the Heart.

Read more

Rippling Abs, Anyone?

Rippling Abs, Anyone?

During this strange time in history, I noticed y’all were tackling all sorts of interesting projects. I decided I needed one, too—something positive to remember the pandemic of 2020 by.
 
I decided to pay attention to something I had abandoned…
 
Nope, I’m not cleaning my garage. I am not organizing one single thing. I’m not planting a garden or cleaning up my yard.
 
Instead, I decided to take care of myself better. This, folks, has made all the difference for me.
 
With relatively little time and effort on my part, I feel so much better than I did a month ago.
 
On March 30, I got on the exercise bike and the yoga mat for the first time in a long time, and did 30 minutes each. I liked it so much that I decided to do it every day. But I fell short of that, and changed my commitment to every other day, which felt more manageable, reasonable, and doable.
 
I also get off the bike after every song, take a couple of sips of water, shake out my legs and arms for a few seconds, and get back on. This makes the bike project a reasonable proposition, too.
 
Daily walks of any length—by myself, or with my little guy, Jackson—are a fresh air bonus.
 
My recumbent exercise bike has pulleys to work my upper body while I pedal, which gets my heart rate up fast, and also helps my whole-body strength. It feels good to get up from writing, or doing a consulting session with a client, to do something physically challenging while listening to good music.
 
After only a month, I feel a sheet of muscles on the front of me I haven’t felt for a very, very long time. Goodness gracious. Who knew they were there. I’ll be posting rippling ab photos soon, I’m sure.
 
I have no idea what the scales have to say about my bike/yoga project—I don’t care. Paying attention to scales tends to send me sideways, and therefore, I’m ignoring them completely.
 
But—I LOVE the way I feel! Hang in there, everyone.
 

Terri’s book of photography combined with poetry is here! 100 Words: Small Servings of Whimsy and Wisdom to Calm the Mind and Nourish the Heart.

Read more

Check Out This Troublemaker in Relationships

Check Out This Troublemaker in Relationships

Sometimes we ask intimate partners to do for us what is actually ours to do.

We ask our partner to give us the reassurance, love or appreciation we feel is missing in ourselves, with the hope that they will give us what we’re asking for—and then we’ll feel better. They’ll take care of our problem.

But when they do give us what we’re asking for, it can never be enough, because we have insufficient context for what they’ve given. We haven’t build the inner foundation to receive it, hear it, welcome it, believe it. They try to help, but their love for us falls into our void, our black hole, our love bucket with no bottom.

As always, there’s hope. Check out the video below.

Terri Crosby. http://www.incareofrelationships.com/.

Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

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Terri Crosby

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