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Terri Crosby

Helping you create life-affirming, ever-evolving, happier relationships with those you love. Follow me on twitter at@TerriCrosby or read myblog.

Recipe for Holiday Peace.

Recipe for Holiday Peace

Ingredients:

  • 1 large bunch of cold, dry, dark weather.
  • 1 large bunch of spring-like weather.
  • 1 small bunch of Jingle Bells.
  • A touch of anticipation.

Pour both kinds of weather into a large bowl. Add jingle bells and anticipation and mix well. The result will be confusing, but proceed with confidence.

Mix in:

  • 10 cups of busy. Any variety will do.
  • A few leaves of tradition.
  • 1 dusting each of longing for times past and wishing for a brighter, happier now.
  • A dash of Hope, a heaping tablespoon of Faith, and several large spoonfuls of Love.

Stir well and let flavors mingle.

Add all at once:

  • Five drops of scent of pine.
  • A few drops of loneliness… due to those who will not be at your table this year for one reason or another.
  • 1 heaping cup each of red, green, blue, silver and gold.
  • 2 overflowing cups of effervescence.
  • 3 cups of glitteriest-glitter. Throw it everywhere, and whatever makes it into the bowl, good for you.
  • 1 collection of interesting relatives and friends around a large table — eating, drinking and discussing the state of the world (or not).
  • Three small pinches of obligation. What you’re expected to do, should do, always do, thought you should do, agreed to do, must do, planned to do, don’t want to do, were asked to do.
  • A toss of fantasy, perhaps the one about escaping to a quiet villa with a handsome, kind chef/real estate magnate/comedian/wise man for three months on short notice.

Mix well over a nearby hearth fire. Then stop everything. Let the mixture rest while you pour a glass of sparkly. Put your feet up. By the fire. Go ahead, drink your sparkly. Feel warm and appreciative. Fantasize about the chef/quiet villa idea.

When you’re good and ready, add:

  • Prayers. Your kind. For what’s important to you.
  • Heavenly sleep. As often as possible, yield to the desire to crawl under the covers.
  • These wise words from Henry Wadsworth Longfellow: “…the best thing one can do when it’s raining is to let it rain.”
  • Singing. Any kind. Any time. Any place. If you get too worried, if you get lost, if you get broken, The Wood Brothers can help you.

And last but not least. With gusto and reverence add:

  • A generous splash of Mother Nature while gushing about her beauty.
  • Five scoops of your strength.
  • Seven scoops of your flexibility.
  • Ten scoops of your wisdom.
  • Your boundless love.

Stir well, add any available candles and poinsettias — and don’t forget the mistletoe! Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

May All Good Angels be with you this Holiday season!

P.S.  My book of poetry, “100 Words: Small Servings of Whimsy and Wisdom to Calm the Mind and Nourish The Heart” will be ready soon (in time for Holiday gift-giving) and I’ll let you know the moment it’s available.

Over the Holidays, I’ll be editing my second book about Relationships to be published early next year.

My blog will be back in January! In the meantime, Ho, Ho, Ho!

 

 

 

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Disappearing Acts.

DISAPPEARING ACTS

These days, moments seem wispy

around the edges. Time sways.

Something’s gone from where it was

and I’m pretty sure I didn’t move it.

 

Of course, one cannot be sure.

There are no cameras.

No witnesses, really, no mice in the corner

shaking their little gray heads.

 

No flutter of butterflies, either, is moving

thoughts or things in moments when attention

floats, when the fluff of life rolls gently

across the empty prairie.

 

So tell me.

 

Where did the directions go? The printer ink?

The glass of water that only moments ago

was in my hand? And how did my office door

swing open in the silence just now all by itself?

 

Surely there’s an explanation for such movement.

Parallel realities? Teleportation gone rogue?

An invasion of invisible alien crickets

sneaking about, rearranging the flowers?

 

Or could it be that in absent moments

we’re swathed in the silk of sweet nothings

from angels or muses, or skinny-dipping

in wisdom on the other side.

 

Do these out of body moments play

with time and attention to elevate us,

bring knowledge within  — up — to soothe the soul,

give wings to worn out worries?  

 

Does the runaway thought, the lost spoon,

the sudden inspiration suggest a spiritual touchdown?

Or is it a reprieve?

A welcome pillow for the far-flung  mind?

 

In timeouts, are we exploring faraway places,

visiting distant shores

luxuriating in the soothing sunshine

of Universal love?

 

Yes, I’m sure that’s it.

 

 

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12 Reasons Mary Loves Ted That Will Cause You To Smile

I met and spent time with actor Ted Danson on several occasions in the early 80’s, before he landed the role of Sam Malone on Cheers (the first episode aired September 30, 1982).

At the time I knew him, he was married to his first wife. My husband and I spent a few days with Ted and family along the coast of California on a quiet getaway retreat. It was a lovely, luxurious weekend.

Because I enjoyed him so much, I’ve made it a point to keep track of him here and there over the years. Time passed and Ted and his first wife got divorced. In 1993, Ted Danson and Mary Steenburgen met on the set of the movie Pontiac Moon and married two years later.

One thing I deeply appreciate about true love between two people is that their love extends far beyond their connection with each other. Their love trickles out. Inspires. Gives hope. Is a living, breathing example of unfolding love that grows over the years.

For a little proof, I predict that Mary’s love for Ted will affect you. It will probably cause you to think about the people you love and why you love them.

Her love for Ted is clear and deeply delightful. She doesn’t keep it to herself. She expresses it.

Because of this, her love message will no doubt send a positive wave through you. Her love will affect how you walk into your day.

What a good thing.

Hopefully, Mary’s list of reasons for loving Ted will cause happy accidents of awareness far and wide, including that we might notice more love in our life today — where is it? For us, where does love live?

How does love grow with you, around you, through you?

With that, here’s what Mary said about Ted (from the November 19 issue of People Magazine, p. 153).

TWELVE THINGS I LOVE ABOUT TED

  1. I love what a deep thinker he is.
  2. He smells delicious.
  3. I love his profound kindness.
  4. He is the perfect combination of a wise old soul and a teenage idiot.
  5. He makes me laugh hard every day of my life.
  6. He has spent 20 years raising awareness about the world’s oceans. I love how he has stuck with it and the incredible tangible things that he has caused to happen that most people will never know.
  7. I love the strong jawbone.
  8. I’m proud of what a great actor he is and the joy people experience in working with him.
  9. I love how much he loves our family.
  10. I love that he unfailingly and enthusiastically celebrates every miracle of our life, large and small. The man doesn’t have a jaded bone in his body.
  11. I love that he is a feminist.
  12. I miss him when he leaves the room. I would literally sign up for 100 more lifetimes with him.

WHAT DOES TED SAY ABOUT MARY?

When asked to share his secret to a happy marriage Ted says, “I’m married to Mary Steenburgen.”

(Awww…. )

Enjoy your Thanksgiving week! Celebrate love everywhere!

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I Had Intended…

I had intended to publish my blog today.

But alas, the poem I’d really like to share with you keeps moving around, re-arranging itself.

Therefore, I will let it sit and publish it when it’s ready to settle down.

I have a feeling it will be worth the wait.

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This Matters Not At All. Or Else It’s Everything.

Do you experience secretly brave moments?

You know those small, daring steps you take that no one else would regard as colossal, but for you, a very deep breath is required as you step out of a super-familiar box?

There was that time you added a belt to your outfit. Prior to that, you’d refused to accentuate your equator because “I have no waistline, why would I want to usher attention there?”

But one day, you noticed a woman with (in your humble opinion) no reason to celebrate her waistline, and she draped hers with something colorful. You were amazed! She looked terrific!

This inspired you to reconsider your opinions about waistlines. You walked into your closet the next morning and retrieved the lovely chain belt hanging in the farthest corner. Buoyed by confidence, throwing all caution to the wind, you decorated the middle of you as if to say, “Look here. This part of me is worthy and beautiful, too.”

For you, it was a liberating moment. A small act of bravery.

Last week you took a bite of food you swore you’d never eat. And no, it wasn’t extreme (no chocolate covered insects or any such thing). You took a courageous bite of okra, and it wasn’t intolerably slime-y after all. And on top of that, this week you tasted (quite timidly, but still….) shirred eggs baked in cream with soft yolks. Until now you’d only said yes to scrambled.

See what I mean? Monumental to you, but not to plenty of other people.

ONE SMALL STEP.

Well.

I’m a fall color person (think golds, browns, greens and certain reds) and I’ve (gasp) just traded my old car for a blue pearl Honda Civic. The cover of my upcoming poetry book is (double gasp) blue also — dark blue at the bottom, graduating to a light-filled blue toward the top.

These are quite astounding moves on my part, don’t you think, given my hazel eyes and my preference for dark chocolate brown or deepest-ever green?

Think about it. In the itty-bitty-est way, in my world, I’m turning a corner, stepping out, trying something new.

There’s no question that my “blue thing” is tiny brave. It’s the kind of moment where (I’m quite sure) you’re saying “what’s the big deal, blue is so ordinary and I have a lot of it. I’ve been a fan of blue for years.”

But for me, Ms. Fall Colors herself, I’m having a full-on inner hero experience for welcoming blue more personally rather than keeping it at arm’s length.

Are these small moments insignificant?

I think not.

One small step in the direction of inclusion (an open mind) is — possibly — everything.

Perhaps small steps by individuals influence our world more than we think. Maybe our changes on a small scale help balance the larger scale in the world.

There’s another reason as well.

Do small acts of bravery inspire larger ones?

I believe they do.

BIGGER BRAVERY.

Bravery (any size and shape) comes up quite often in consulting sessions with individuals and couples. Typically, we start small and work our way up.

In a couple’s session just the other day (it was their #3) opening to new points of view rose front and center. Both of them had practiced small acts of bravery in previous sessions and they were ready for bigger bravery.

(Also, both the man and woman had breakthroughs in this session, but due to length, today I’ll share only hers.)

After hearing what was upsetting her, I made a suggestion. At first she recoiled. She refused to consider that her current point of view was one possibility among many available to her.

So, we explored. Gently. We poked around in her sense of understanding about their relationship.

We considered questions such as, “What else could it be? What other ways could a person interpret this situation? Could it be there’s more to the story? And if so, what might that be?”

She opened. Considered. Re-thought a well-practiced reaction to her husband. She willingly examined her present decisions about him, and her conclusions.

That was brave.

And that was not small.

PATTERNS SHE WANTED HELP WITH.

One basic pattern. He’s not talking to me when I want him to, and therefore he doesn’t love me. Why are we together? What’s the point of this relationship if we can’t even talk about what I want to talk about?

Here’s another one. He did this _____. Which was totally inconsiderate of him. If he loved me he wouldn’t treat me that way, say that or do that. It’s clear he doesn’t love me, so why should I care about him? His actions (ignoring, not talking to me) feel like punishment. I’m going to punish him back.

Here’s a third. He embarrasses (frustrates, angers, annoys) me in this way _____. He should do this instead _____. He refuses to take my suggestions, though. Because he’s not changing his ways, he doesn’t care about me. He doesn’t love me. Which hurts too much. I’m shutting down and it’s his fault.

Do you think those are pretty important patterns when it comes to having a nurturing, satisfying, evolving love relationship?

(If you nodded yes, I’d certainly agree with you.)

WHAT SHIFTED?

As it turns out, when she slowed her thoughts, when she took time to breathe about her situation, she (at first cautiously) considered the idea that her husband might not be doing what she thought he was doing.

She considered that there might be other ways of interpreting his actions, other than hers.

As she contemplated all of this, she was willing to realize that if her observations of his actions weren’t fully accurate, her conclusions couldn’t be accurate, either.

At one point, she realized with all of her heart that he might not be wrong. Her inner-heart-light- bulb went on.

(Which caused her to reach for the Kleenex.)

Which then caused her to question other aspects of her thinking. Such as — maybe he wasn’t against her after all.

(At least a two Kleenex moment.)

Her heart opened. She softened. Became more receptive.

She also realized how different her husband (naturally) was from her, that he (naturally) had different priorities, different motivations. That he would (naturally) prefer to talk to her, actually…

(On, forget one or two tissues. We’re up to Kleenex by the handfuls…)

Further, maybe he supports and loves her, and there are many ways he expresses that each and every day —  and she misses them.

Entirely.

Why?

She hasn’t been looking for ways he loves her and shows her his love. She’s been looking for what’s wrong with the relationship — in order to correct those things, in order to improve the relationship.

She’s attempting to do good. Her efforts are well-intended. But her approach naturally backfires because her intelligence finds whatever she’s  looking for. She finds what’s “wrong” with their relationship. We’re all good at finding what we’re looking for.

Essentially, she discovered that what she had thought was happening between them wasn’t the whole story. There was much more going on than she had imagined. Most importantly, she was missing out on the good parts of their story by putting the better part of her attention on what was lacking or wrong.

THE RIPPLE EFFECT.

Will there be a positive ripple effect in her world because of her revelations about where she had been placing her attention?

We shall see.

Does this brave change of hers matter not at all?

Or is it everything?

So far, it’s heading toward “everything.”

The healing energy of a personal revelation flows outward. Sometimes it’s a wave of calm. Other times, graciousness, love, compassion.

At the end of the session, this couple’s wave was one of intimacy and understanding. They held hands, kept the Kleenex close, and looked forward to what else they could discover about their love in the coming days.

One thing I know for sure.

The ripple effect of her inner shift, whatever that will eventually be, will offer clear evidence that the foundation for world peace, love and understanding begins in our own home.

 

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Terri Crosby

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