A Simple Way To Be More of YOU

grass3 Some days I think it would be nice if all of us humans could be a little more angelic, and well, more enlightened.  We’d  accept whatever was in front of us without blinking an eye,  and do every daily task with a smile on our face as if it was truly, honestly, right down to our toes OK. And other days I think, naaaaaah. Because…. the stuff you do and don’t do, what you prefer, and what you downright love — this is what makes you you. So, yes — heck yes — there are things I do and things I don’t do.  Things you do and don’t do.  You know what I mean? Maybe you “don’t do mornings.”  Everybody knows you’re a tad crabby, or quiet and unresponsive before noon or so.  Or you are a “leave me alone until I’ve had my morning coffee” person. On the other hand, you could be a person who wakes up ready for the day.   Your most productive, happy, creative time of day is  before other people get out of bed.  

What’s On Your “Not” List?

So… there are things you do, and things you don’t do.  There are things you prefer. This is a good thing.  It doesn’t mean you’re inflexible and awful.  It means you know yourself and you know what makes life more fun for you.  You could even say this is one reason we all came here, to experience the available variety, the buffet of life, and then sort it out for ourselves, and celebrate “our way” of doing life. One thing I don’t do —  I don’t mow lawns.  I don’t know know why.  I’ve managed to avoid mowing all of my life, and if you think about where I’m from and how I grew up — it’s a darn miracle.  In my home state of Iowa where the tall corn grows, people are always mowing — miles of ditches, b-i-g farmhouse lawns, fields of hay (acres and acres), and the (huge) Quaker Meeting House lawn. I don’t consciously try to avoid mowing.  And I don’t refuse to mow — I just somehow never have to.  I’ve watched a lot of other people mow.  It’s really quite magical. When I was visiting Iowa just recently, two sisters mowed a neighbor’s lawn until 10 pm and yes, the lawnmower had headlights.  Their story was that the grass was so tall, they had to empty the bag about every minute.  That was a lot of mowing.  It took them five hours, but they got it done. I thought to myself, ” Wow, I would never do that.  You couldn’t pay me enough to do that.  You’d never find me mowing, let alone until 10 pm, and be happy about it.”   What I loved about their story was that the power-mower-girls felt positively victorious!  They loved the challenge, they had fun, and they mentioned that they felt they were a really good team. grass 2 Growing up with 5 siblings, someone else (who liked to mow) always volunteered.  I was glad. However, I raised my hand to do other things. My mother taught me how to bake bread for the family, seven loaves at a time.  She also taught me how to make (our personal) standard family farm meals like beef liver and onions with  mashed potatoes, Sunday chicken pot pie, and meatloaf with (you guessed it) more mashed potatoes.   We ate a whole lot of potatoes growing up. My volunteering to cook was a really welcomed thing in my big family!  First, I was clearly busy while the question about mowing was happening.  As in, gee she is busy, I guess the rest of you have to figure out who is going to mow. Second, I was good at cooking and I liked it. And third, being the family chef worked especially well for my mother who was doggone weary of cooking for such a growing family.  She loved whenever I threw down my garden hoe and headed for the kitchen.  At a certain point in high school, meals for 6 kids and my father and whoever else was around appeared on the table.   I did it for her.  It was natural, pretty easy, and I enjoyed finding new recipes.

So… there are things you do and things you don’t do.

chef hat 2Are you “being yourself” in this way?  Are you doing what you want to do, and letting others step up to do the rest? Or are you resentful about doing what you “have to” do?   Do you push through it, or make yourself miserable doing a task, just because you tell yourself there is no one else to do it?  Or you should do it?  Or that it’s just easier if you do it? Clean it up. This being “true-to-yourself-about-what-you-have-to-offer-or-what-you-like-to-do” is one of the best maintenance practices I know of for nurturing your  happy self and keeping a happy relationship with a partner alive and thriving. Do what you want to do and then find a way for someone else to do the things you can’t do or don’t want to do.  Delegate the things that drag you down.  Attract someone to do what you dread.  The very thing that causes you a heavy heart is another person’s passion. Guaranteed. Ahhh…now that’s WAY better!

*****

Comments and thoughts welcome.  To  comment, SCROLL ON DOWN…. WAY DOWN.   I will approve your comment and you’ll see your comment posted a little later.  The comment approval process is an interim step which helps to avoid spam. In Care of Relationships with Terri Crosby– Tools For Creating Positive Momentum.  http://incareofrelationships.com.  Terri is a relationship mentor.  She helps create life-affirming, ever-evolving, happier relationships with those you love.    She offers change-of-heart, change-of-mind perspectives to create great relationships.  If you are ready to take your relationship to the next level, you can sign up to be on the mailing list HERE.  To subscribe to her blog, go HERE.    

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Terri Crosby

Helping you create life-affirming, ever-evolving, happier relationships with those you love. Follow me on twitter at@TerriCrosby or read myblog.

Comments (2)

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    Toni

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    Amen, sister! Having a housekeeper twice a month is the most nurturing thing I can do for myself. I will forego mani/pedis and new clothes if my budget would require giving up Annabella to have them…
    Yes, do what you love and attract people who can do what they do best…

    Reply

  • Avatar

    Dana

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    I don’t cook and I don’t want to learn. So, I will happily eat whatever my husband can manage or find take-out. It’s always been gratifying to say clearly to everyone in my life, “I don’t cook.” My mother would have loved to say that. She’s 90 and just now going into assisted living where she will not have to cook. I’m so happy for her. Think of all those meals she really didn’t enjoy preparing. I feel gratitude for not having to fake it all these years. It’s a good way to live. Thanks for voicing this, Terri.

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Rise Up by Andra Day

What a great set of words for these oncoming days.

Rise Up

 
You’re broken down and tired
Of living life on a merry go round
And you can’t find the fighter
But I see it in you so we gonna walk it out
And move mountains
We gonna walk it out
And move mountains
And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
And I’ll rise up
High like the waves
I’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
When the silence isn’t quiet
And it feels like it’s getting hard to breathe
And I know you feel like dying
But I promise we’ll take the world to its feet
And move mountains
Bring it to its feet
And move mountains
And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
All we need, all we need is hope
And for that we have each other
And for that we have each other
And we will rise
We will rise
We’ll rise, oh, oh
We’ll rise
I’ll rise up
Rise like the day
I’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
I will rise a thousand times again
And we’ll rise up
High like the waves
We’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
We’ll rise up
And we’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
Ah, ah, ah, ah
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Cassandra Monique Batie / Jennifer Decilveo
Rise Up lyrics © BMG Rights Management

Terri’s book of photography combined with poetry is here! 100 Words: Small Servings of Whimsy and Wisdom to Calm the Mind and Nourish the Heart.

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Rippling Abs, Anyone?

Rippling Abs, Anyone?

During this strange time in history, I noticed y’all were tackling all sorts of interesting projects. I decided I needed one, too—something positive to remember the pandemic of 2020 by.
 
I decided to pay attention to something I had abandoned…
 
Nope, I’m not cleaning my garage. I am not organizing one single thing. I’m not planting a garden or cleaning up my yard.
 
Instead, I decided to take care of myself better. This, folks, has made all the difference for me.
 
With relatively little time and effort on my part, I feel so much better than I did a month ago.
 
On March 30, I got on the exercise bike and the yoga mat for the first time in a long time, and did 30 minutes each. I liked it so much that I decided to do it every day. But I fell short of that, and changed my commitment to every other day, which felt more manageable, reasonable, and doable.
 
I also get off the bike after every song, take a couple of sips of water, shake out my legs and arms for a few seconds, and get back on. This makes the bike project a reasonable proposition, too.
 
Daily walks of any length—by myself, or with my little guy, Jackson—are a fresh air bonus.
 
My recumbent exercise bike has pulleys to work my upper body while I pedal, which gets my heart rate up fast, and also helps my whole-body strength. It feels good to get up from writing, or doing a consulting session with a client, to do something physically challenging while listening to good music.
 
After only a month, I feel a sheet of muscles on the front of me I haven’t felt for a very, very long time. Goodness gracious. Who knew they were there. I’ll be posting rippling ab photos soon, I’m sure.
 
I have no idea what the scales have to say about my bike/yoga project—I don’t care. Paying attention to scales tends to send me sideways, and therefore, I’m ignoring them completely.
 
But—I LOVE the way I feel! Hang in there, everyone.
 

Terri’s book of photography combined with poetry is here! 100 Words: Small Servings of Whimsy and Wisdom to Calm the Mind and Nourish the Heart.

Read more

Check Out This Troublemaker in Relationships

Check Out This Troublemaker in Relationships

Sometimes we ask intimate partners to do for us what is actually ours to do.

We ask our partner to give us the reassurance, love or appreciation we feel is missing in ourselves, with the hope that they will give us what we’re asking for—and then we’ll feel better. They’ll take care of our problem.

But when they do give us what we’re asking for, it can never be enough, because we have insufficient context for what they’ve given. We haven’t build the inner foundation to receive it, hear it, welcome it, believe it. They try to help, but their love for us falls into our void, our black hole, our love bucket with no bottom.

As always, there’s hope. Check out the video below.

Terri Crosby. http://www.incareofrelationships.com/.

Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

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Terri Crosby

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