5 Humpty Dumpty Relationship Ideas That Make You Fall Down, Go Boom

humpty dumpty

Humpty Dumpty was innocent enough, minding his own business, living life on that wall the very best way he knew how, and seemed just fine — until he fell. And then all the kings horses and all the kings men couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty back together again. Here are some ideas about relationships that might sound really good.  They might even seem logical.  Or romantic. But the following five ideas actually cause the Humpty Dumpty effect — we fall off the wall.  Go boom.  

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1. Being a good individual means that I’ll have a successful relationship.

You’d think so, right? At least it should help! If you’re a smart, capable and fun person, you think, “It can’t be all that tough to find someone else who is also smart, capable, and fun.” So you do that.  You find someone.  You adore each other.  Things should naturally work out. But let’s say things don’t work out. You go back to the drawing board.  You think to yourself once again, “I’m a good person, I’m paying attention and doing my best here, so why isn’t this working?” It’s a little like believing that because I know how to build my house, I would automatically know how to run a business building houses for other people. No. Making a business out of building houses requires a different set of skills than knowing how to build my own house. It’s the same with the transition from individual to couple.  Or individual to partnership.  Being in a relationship is a whole different ballgame than knowing and getting along with yourself.   2.  I want to find my true love, so I am looking for “the one.” In a world with 7.1 billion people, this is an insane idea.  Truly nuts. Not to mention stressful. Not to mention a perfect example of scarcity mentality. Nothing good comes from a scarcity mentality! Ever!calling in the one Yet this idea exists — that there is one true love for me — and hey, this means I could screw up in so many ways!  Can you spell y-i-k-e-s? What if I don’t recognize him/her — then I’ve missed the boat.   My one true love could be five feet from me in the mall or the farmer’s market or under the Eiffel Tower, and what if we never say hello?  Am I destined to be alone? And if I find “the one” and have a fight, and she or he leaves, then it’s over. And there goes my one chance for love.  I blew it. Relax.  It’s just not true.  Finding “the one” is a mind-numbingly bad idea. There are endless possibilities for partners for you.  If you miss one, another one comes along, because you keep attracting who matches you.  You’ve got a so many matches waiting for you! Keep the line moving. You’ve got a pool of 7.1 billion, so get out there and have some fun.   3. If I’m with the right person, the relationship will be easy.
Whaaat's that you say???

Whaaat’s that you say???

Do you think this is true?  Can I get an amen on that one? And…. let’s follow this logic out a bit further…. ….therefore if I’m having trouble in the relationship, I must have made a mistake.  I must not be with my soul mate, the right person for me, my partner for life, the one. This will make you fall off the wall for sure, and you’ll try to get up, but fall right down again… ka-boom. Nothing about this idea is good or valid. I recommend throwing it in the trash as soon as possible.   4. If my partner would change a few things, then our relationship would work better. Maybe. But here’s the problem. The fix is temporary. You have to keep fixing your partner (and other people, circumstances, your family members, your children, your government, your church) in order to be happy. To make this work, your life becomes a whole lot of work.  (work, work, work….) You’re busy.  Pressure packed.  You have causes.  You believe that to get what you want, you must push against other people and ideas.  You join groups and resist.  You raise your fist to the sky.  You post on Facebook what is wrong with politicians, Monsanto,  or whatever ideas, actions or philosophies you disagree with.  Frankly, it’s an endless task. It’s a big job.busy And you don’t have to do it. (Besides, at the end of your life, you’d say to yourself, “What in the world was I thinking?!?”  I could have been cruising the Canary Islands with a glass of champagne in my hand.) And here’s thing thing… you’re not happy, ’cause you’re always fixing.  There is always something wrong that needs your attention. In a relationship, you keep asking your partner to conform so that you can be happy.  They might try.  They might attempt to accommodate you. After all, as children, conformity and cooperation was (most likely) expected of us.  We had early training.  Intense training.  Constant training. But after a while, your partner figures out that this is a never ending process and it’s hopeless.  He figures out that he cannot bend like a pretzel in enough ways to make you happy, so he quits.   He blows up.  He walks away.   He throws in the towel.  He doesn’t talk with you anymore.   He  withdraws to his cave.  He moves out of the house. Then nobody’s happy, everybody has fallen off the wall, and all the kings horses and all the kings men cannot put us  back together again. If your happiness depends on circumstances outside you, which aren’t really under your control, your happiness is conditional.   Your ability to be happy fluctuates, depending on what happens outside you, rather than inside you. And inside you is the only thing you really have control of. Use your positive energy to go toward what you want.  For a day or a week, try just being in favor of.  Let the “what you don’t want” drop away.  It’s way more efficient.   5. Love is enough. I know this one.  I believed it.  Many people believe this.love is enough How many songs are written about this?  Yep, quite a few. It’s false. To create a brilliantly joyful and happy life with someone else, you need love, yes. But you also need to know what that means. You need to know how that translates to everyday life with your children, your partner, your friends.  I’ve worked with so many couples who totally adore each other and have trouble getting along.  Some have been together for 20-30 years and are challenged by one another to the point of considering divorce. What can I say?  Call me before you get there. The good news:  If you have fallen off the wall, it doesn’t take all the kings horses and all the kings men to try to get you back up again.  It is easier than you think.

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 Comments welcome.  Feel free to comment on this blog site.  I will approve your comment and you’ll see your comment posted a little later.  The comment approval process is an interim process which helps to avoid spam. WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR ON YOUR WEBSITE? PLEASE DO — JUST INCLUDE THIS COMPLETE BLURB In Care of Relationships with Terri Crosby– Tools For Creating Positive Momentum.  http://incareofrelationships.com Terri Crosby is a relationship mentor.  She helps you create life-affirming, ever-evolving, happier relationships with those you love.    She offers change-of-heart, change-of-mind perspectives to create great relationships.  If you are ready to take your relationship to the next level, you can sign up to be on the mailing list HERE.  To subscribe to her blog, go HERE.        

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Terri Crosby

Helping you create life-affirming, ever-evolving, happier relationships with those you love. Follow me on twitter at@TerriCrosby or read myblog.

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    Toni

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    I have found Terri to be a wise and experienced relationship coach. It shows in this article. love the graphics!

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Rise Up by Andra Day

What a great set of words for these oncoming days.

Rise Up

 
You’re broken down and tired
Of living life on a merry go round
And you can’t find the fighter
But I see it in you so we gonna walk it out
And move mountains
We gonna walk it out
And move mountains
And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
And I’ll rise up
High like the waves
I’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
When the silence isn’t quiet
And it feels like it’s getting hard to breathe
And I know you feel like dying
But I promise we’ll take the world to its feet
And move mountains
Bring it to its feet
And move mountains
And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
All we need, all we need is hope
And for that we have each other
And for that we have each other
And we will rise
We will rise
We’ll rise, oh, oh
We’ll rise
I’ll rise up
Rise like the day
I’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
I will rise a thousand times again
And we’ll rise up
High like the waves
We’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
We’ll rise up
And we’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
Ah, ah, ah, ah
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Cassandra Monique Batie / Jennifer Decilveo
Rise Up lyrics © BMG Rights Management

Terri’s book of photography combined with poetry is here! 100 Words: Small Servings of Whimsy and Wisdom to Calm the Mind and Nourish the Heart.

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Rippling Abs, Anyone?

Rippling Abs, Anyone?

During this strange time in history, I noticed y’all were tackling all sorts of interesting projects. I decided I needed one, too—something positive to remember the pandemic of 2020 by.
 
I decided to pay attention to something I had abandoned…
 
Nope, I’m not cleaning my garage. I am not organizing one single thing. I’m not planting a garden or cleaning up my yard.
 
Instead, I decided to take care of myself better. This, folks, has made all the difference for me.
 
With relatively little time and effort on my part, I feel so much better than I did a month ago.
 
On March 30, I got on the exercise bike and the yoga mat for the first time in a long time, and did 30 minutes each. I liked it so much that I decided to do it every day. But I fell short of that, and changed my commitment to every other day, which felt more manageable, reasonable, and doable.
 
I also get off the bike after every song, take a couple of sips of water, shake out my legs and arms for a few seconds, and get back on. This makes the bike project a reasonable proposition, too.
 
Daily walks of any length—by myself, or with my little guy, Jackson—are a fresh air bonus.
 
My recumbent exercise bike has pulleys to work my upper body while I pedal, which gets my heart rate up fast, and also helps my whole-body strength. It feels good to get up from writing, or doing a consulting session with a client, to do something physically challenging while listening to good music.
 
After only a month, I feel a sheet of muscles on the front of me I haven’t felt for a very, very long time. Goodness gracious. Who knew they were there. I’ll be posting rippling ab photos soon, I’m sure.
 
I have no idea what the scales have to say about my bike/yoga project—I don’t care. Paying attention to scales tends to send me sideways, and therefore, I’m ignoring them completely.
 
But—I LOVE the way I feel! Hang in there, everyone.
 

Terri’s book of photography combined with poetry is here! 100 Words: Small Servings of Whimsy and Wisdom to Calm the Mind and Nourish the Heart.

Read more

Check Out This Troublemaker in Relationships

Check Out This Troublemaker in Relationships

Sometimes we ask intimate partners to do for us what is actually ours to do.

We ask our partner to give us the reassurance, love or appreciation we feel is missing in ourselves, with the hope that they will give us what we’re asking for—and then we’ll feel better. They’ll take care of our problem.

But when they do give us what we’re asking for, it can never be enough, because we have insufficient context for what they’ve given. We haven’t build the inner foundation to receive it, hear it, welcome it, believe it. They try to help, but their love for us falls into our void, our black hole, our love bucket with no bottom.

As always, there’s hope. Check out the video below.

Terri Crosby. http://www.incareofrelationships.com/.

Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

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