44 Entertaining And Enlightening Answers To My Relationship Question

fields of flowers

Written by Terri Crosby for In Care of Relationships

Ask And You Shall Receive!

Not too long ago, I wrote an email to somewhere around 300 women, and asked the question — “If you were going to go hear a talk on Relationships (of any kind), what might it be called?” Wow, did I get ANSWERS!   When the answers began to pour in, I felt like jumping up and down like the happiest girl in town.  I love hearing from women.  I like knowing what’s on your minds. What I gathered from the answers:
  • Women think about the quality of their relationships — and we think about them deeply and from every conceivable angle.
  • Women want better relationships.  With everyone.  All the time.  We’re all about relationships and connecting.  We want relationships to go smoothly!
  • The variety of types of improvement that women want in relationships is staggering.  Endless.  Fabulous.
  • How to create a successful and satisfying relationship with a man is a bit of a mystery to many women, sometimes not in a good way.
  • And finally!  If you have a question, ask a woman!  She’ll answer you!

Drum Roll Please!

Here, for your entertainment and enlightenment, are 44 of the 63 answers I received.

  1. Please talk to us about “What we say, what they hear… “
  2. How not to react like a terrier dog when a man withdraws. (Yes, you read that right.)
  3. Sorry, I can’t help you, Terri. I have no idea.
  4. How to meet good quality single men after age 60.
  5. Please tell me how to be interested again!
  6. How to learn non-confrontational confrontation or “criticism” to avoid defensiveness on the other party’s part.
  7. Healthy boundaries.
  8. Book Learnin’ Won’t Help With . . . .owl looking sideways
  9. How to communicate with a man!!
  10. Relationships without Expectations
  11. I would want to hear about how our present day relationship dynamics have been molded and shaped by our parental relationships and how to overcome any negative influences.
  12. Relationships go through so many changes, how does one accommodate them and continue to be strong? This coming from a person who has been divorced 3 times and has been on her own since 2003. 🙂
  13. My interest would be “navigating the difficult places in relationships” or something like that…
  14. It might be called, “The Ebb and Flow of Relationships.” I’ve always heard that relationships are hard. They’re also warm, like a cozy blanket. They can zing with excitement and they can be as common as bread. Persistently hanging on through the ebb and flow takes faith …sometimes more than we think we have, but if we are patient and steadfast, the ride is so well worth it. It’s about human love, which is unlike any other.
  15. How do I stay in a relationship and not lose myself??
  16. How to be a good partner and how to think I am worth being loved
  17. Understanding causes, not symptoms.
  18. How to Vibe and Thrive
  19. Hard work! That would be my name for Relationships!  Relationships – Any One Worth Having Is Worth Working For!
  20. I Wish I’d Known . . . .
  21. Being the partner of someone with ADHD is a real challenge…The key is to talk, talk, talk. Don’t let things fester.
  22. Since my interest falls in the area of Buddhist teachings, I would want to hear a talk that addresses transcending the ego in relationships.
  23. Being true to yourself in relationship.
  24. I am super busy this week so I’ll write if something comes to me.  (one sentences later she writes…) How to listen and find common ground when you disagree!
  25. Because I am not currently in an intimate relationship and because I don’t currently live near any family members, the topic doesn’t really resonate for me right now.  Thus no particular aspect about relationships is front-burner for me at the moment.  Maybe that will change in the future, who knows! Mainly my journey of late has been about finding contentment in solitary-ness 🙂
  26. Oye! Why are men from Mars and Women from Venus?  I’d like to say to men — “Please be honest with me… please say, ‘I don’t like you’ or ‘I like you’ or ‘I love you.'”  Why is that SO DIFFICULT to say?
  27. Love even after the honeymoon.
  28. Being single and childless in a family of couples. How to fit into the family that is preoccupied with going out together as couples.  I don’t fit in.  They don’t realize how it hurts.
  29. How ‘bout “Get Along Little Doggies?”ups and downs
  30. Navigating Relationships.
  31. Understanding human nature.
  32. Compromise:  How not to control or be controlled.
  33. How to navigate our own emotions and the emotions of others.
  34. Practical advice on managing the ups and downs of all sorts of relationships (work, family, partnership).
  35. Understanding the vast differences in our genders and personality types, attachment styles, etc.  Creating understanding and compassion for ourselves and others
  36. Relationships that Nourish, Relationships that Satisfy, Constructive Relationships
  37. You can’t change “who” or “how” person is – what you see is what you get…
  38. How to stay as objective as possible… putting yourself in someone else’s shoes…
  39. Loving unconditionally – looking at the “conditions” you put on the relationship.
  40. Commitment:  What does that mean?!
  41. How To Play Well with Others.  The Art of Love.
  42. You Said What!?
  43. The concept that the relationship with yourself is primary and a good indicator of how you will relate to another person.
  44. Are you really ready to have a relationship that works?

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And this is why I LOVE working with women!  Working with women is work that doesn’t feel like work.

I love all the ways that we are.  I love the variety, the smarts, the flexibility of women. I love that some women answered my question, some didn’t.  And some answer, but they are just making a point instead.  But they take the time to say something, even if it’s not a direct answer.  It still matters to me. Some said they would answer later, but haven’t yet.   Some remembered to write back and tell me their answer.  Some said they were glad I was asking, and they didn’t know the answer, but wanted to know what other women said. And because a number of you asked me directly to share the answers, and let me know what I decided to do with your answers, you are the inspiration for this writing! Thanks, dear women.  I take my hat off to you, I thank you, I appreciate you.  Thank you for responding so generously.  I will be announcing SOON about what I decided to do as a result of your answers.  I think you’re going to like it!  


new shoots 2About Terri Crosby — I live in the Blue Ridge Mountains with Eric, my partner of 14 years, two cats and a dog, and as many flowers and vegetables as I can plant.

It is my experience that children are born to teach (remind) parents, not the other way around.   I’ve learned more from my daughter MacKenzie than from all other humans combined.

I’m in favor of wandering time in the morning, listening to the birds calling to each other in the woods all around me.

Making fresh food is one of life’s big yummy pleasures, along with singing – especially creating heavenly, improvisational, prayerful, meditational sound.

I believe that poet Mary Oliver writes the best bedtime stories available on Earth.

For more information about In Care of Relationships, click here.


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Terri Crosby

Helping you create life-affirming, ever-evolving, happier relationships with those you love. Follow me on twitter at@TerriCrosby or read myblog.

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    Reading down the list and coming across the picture of the owl (I believe it’s a pigmy owl) was perfect! Thanks for sharing this and I await the suggestion(s) you chose.


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She’s Got Love Fingers

Christie Lenee can play a guitar. She’s the 2017 International Finger Style Guitar Champion of the Year. In September of last year in London, she also won Acoustic Guitarist of the Year.

But lucky for us, she’s not just a champion guitar player. Christie Lenee is also quite the composer.

A friend of hers, Michael Pukac, requested that she write a song, one he described as “the story of love.” She scribbled notes and went to work.

Through Christie’s ability to imagine, his desire became music. Now she plays this song for the world with her love fingers. Lucky you, lucky me, lucky us.

Take very good care of yourself this week. Why not sing a little…



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Rise Up by Andra Day

What a great set of words for these oncoming days.

Rise Up

You’re broken down and tired
Of living life on a merry go round
And you can’t find the fighter
But I see it in you so we gonna walk it out
And move mountains
We gonna walk it out
And move mountains
And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
And I’ll rise up
High like the waves
I’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
When the silence isn’t quiet
And it feels like it’s getting hard to breathe
And I know you feel like dying
But I promise we’ll take the world to its feet
And move mountains
Bring it to its feet
And move mountains
And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
All we need, all we need is hope
And for that we have each other
And for that we have each other
And we will rise
We will rise
We’ll rise, oh, oh
We’ll rise
I’ll rise up
Rise like the day
I’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
I will rise a thousand times again
And we’ll rise up
High like the waves
We’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
We’ll rise up
And we’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
Ah, ah, ah, ah
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Cassandra Monique Batie / Jennifer Decilveo
Rise Up lyrics © BMG Rights Management

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Rippling Abs, Anyone?

Rippling Abs, Anyone?

During this strange time in history, I noticed y’all were tackling all sorts of interesting projects. I decided I needed one, too—something positive to remember the pandemic of 2020 by.
I decided to pay attention to something I had abandoned…
Nope, I’m not cleaning my garage. I am not organizing one single thing. I’m not planting a garden or cleaning up my yard.
Instead, I decided to take care of myself better. This, folks, has made all the difference for me.
With relatively little time and effort on my part, I feel so much better than I did a month ago.
On March 30, I got on the exercise bike and the yoga mat for the first time in a long time, and did 30 minutes each. I liked it so much that I decided to do it every day. But I fell short of that, and changed my commitment to every other day, which felt more manageable, reasonable, and doable.
I also get off the bike after every song, take a couple of sips of water, shake out my legs and arms for a few seconds, and get back on. This makes the bike project a reasonable proposition, too.
Daily walks of any length—by myself, or with my little guy, Jackson—are a fresh air bonus.
My recumbent exercise bike has pulleys to work my upper body while I pedal, which gets my heart rate up fast, and also helps my whole-body strength. It feels good to get up from writing, or doing a consulting session with a client, to do something physically challenging while listening to good music.
After only a month, I feel a sheet of muscles on the front of me I haven’t felt for a very, very long time. Goodness gracious. Who knew they were there. I’ll be posting rippling ab photos soon, I’m sure.
I have no idea what the scales have to say about my bike/yoga project—I don’t care. Paying attention to scales tends to send me sideways, and therefore, I’m ignoring them completely.
But—I LOVE the way I feel! Hang in there, everyone.

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Terri Crosby

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