Written by Terri Crosby for In Care of Relationships

You got married, and thought your troubles were over?  You were counting on “happily ever after?”

My recent post, “Help!  The Honeymoon Is Over!  Now What?”  describes the post-honeymoon crash, when the blushing love blossom falls, and a new chapter begins.

After the honeymoon, we face relationship patterns that we thought we got rid of by getting a new partner.

But alas.  The pattern followed us because —  it’s ours.

Awareness — It’s Pivotal

Because we are who we are, and we’ve lived our life, we’ve learned what we know.

We have learned relationship practices that work well and support us beautifully.

And we’ve picked up some practices along the way that don’t support us.  We are worn out, bedraggled, confused, or ready to give up and throw in the towel.

Awareness is the first step to shift anything.  We must see what to change.

And what so we see?

We see what’s not working.   We see what cramps our happiness.  If something feels tight or makes us grumpy, sooner or later, it’s going to take us where those things go.

And they don’t go anywhere pretty.

Not really.

3 Ways to Cope

Below are three beliefs that remind us we are creating our lives step by step.  There is freedom in knowing the buck stops with us.  This simplifies everything.

Feel free to try these on.  How do they fit for you?

1. I believe that if it’s good, I did it.  If it’s not so good, I did it, too. Either way, yep, I did it.  This is one of the greatest-of-all simplifiers.  It’s about taking responsibility.  There is great power and possibility if the buck stops with me.
2. I believe that life is reflective and offers constant guidance.  I have two choices  — resist guidance or make use of guidance.  Resisting guidance makes for slow going on the long and winding road.  Welcoming guidance makes creating something new possible and more efficient as well.
3. I believe that everything is FOR me, not against me.  Everything.  No exceptions.  My point of view is that if I have a problem, it is there for good reason.  It is there to help me get clear, see what I have been thinking, see what I want or need, and assist me in getting to the next step.  Issues are for me.  Life is for me.  My partner is for me.

Do you believe these things?  Let me know!  If you try one on, I’d love a report!

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For more information about In Care of Relationships, click here.

About Terri Crosby — I live in the Blue Ridge Mountains with Eric, my partner of 15 years, two cats and a dog, and as many flowers and vegetables as I can plant.  I love really good food, good friends, good relationships!